I dated a guy for a while

[Guest_85483787]

I want to share a personal experience that has deeply affected me.

I dated a guy for a while. Because I did not feel completely comfortable or at ease with him, I decided to end things and clearly told him that we would not continue seeing each other. However, he was very persistent. I tried to distance myself, but he continued to seek me out.

He began coming to my place of residence and parking near my school to wait for me and approach me when I left. On one occasion, he even went to the animal shelter where I volunteer. He constantly told me that other people were sending him photos of me or telling him things about me, which made me feel watched and monitored.

He called and messaged me through many different platforms: Google Chat, Instagram, WhatsApp, and emails from different accounts. He also called me from a friend’s phone. One day, he even made bank transfers to me with the reference “come down,” meaning that he wanted me to come out of my house to talk to him, despite the fact that I had already clearly expressed that I was not interested in continuing to see him.

After some time, things seemed to calm down. He went his way and I went mine. However, one day, out of nowhere, he appeared parked in front of the house of a friend with whom I used to study. This felt strange to me. He stayed there for a long time and then left.

That same friend, who is now my partner, later received, through an intermediary, a message from this man warning him to “be careful” with me

Some time later, one day after leaving school and heading to a shopping center, I noticed that he was parked near my car. He then followed me to the shopping center, which is also located next to where I used to live.

After that, I moved. Since then, I avoid parking in the same places all the time, I avoid telling people where I live out of fear that he might find out, and my current partner picks me up from school so that I feel safer.

I share this because for a long time I doubted my own feelings and normalized behaviors that I now understand were not normal. This experience has had a real impact on my life. It changed the way I move, the way I trust, and how I feel in spaces that used to feel normal and safe to me

[indigo22]

Hi,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

I'm so sorry you had such an unsettling experience with this person. It sounds like he was stalking you which is creepy. Have you seen him again recently? Or is this now in the past for you?

I had a sort of similar experience with someone who would not take no for an answer and kept calling me. It took a few months but he eventually stopped. An experience like this can have an effect on how safe you feel and knowing who to trust. I think this can take some time to get past but I also think that it is possible to get past it eventually. Have you spoken with someone about this, a school counsellor or a private counsellor? I think it is important that you do talk to someone if you haven't. Your GP can help with a mental health plan if need be. At the very least, please use the helpline number below, it is manned by professionals and they may be able to point you to some support in your local area as well.

Did you ever report this to the police? They may already have this person on their records from previous similar behaviour and if not, you may be able to prevent this happening to someone else. Of course, it is your choice about taking it to the police, but it may help you feel a little safer.

1800Respect helpline - available 24/7 - 1800 737 732

Please also feel free to continue this conversation, we will be here when you need us.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo

[Psychdiaries2]

Hi there,

I appreciate your honesty about the tough time you’re experiencing and I hope you are proud of yourself for opening up; it’s not easy to do.

It very clearly sounds to me like this is a stalking situation as this guy is repeatedly following you, contacting you and pursuing you without your consent. It is completely normal to feel uncomfortable and skeptical right now, and I can only imagine how fear-inducing this must be. His behaviours towards you are NOT normal and should not be taken with a grain of salt. Your safety is the number one thing that matters. 

I would highly suggest reporting this to the police. Like you said this has affected every area in your life and you deserve to feel safe at all times. Also, I am going to suggest you speak to a psychologist or through a helpline like headspace or even the beyond blue helpline so you can get some guidance. 

I hope you have some peace soon and remember, the forums are always open to have a chat when you need. Take care of yourself today, se

[Earth Girl]

Hi,

I'm sorry this man is acting inappropriately and understandably making you feel worried for your safety. What he is doing is stalking and it's good that you can see now that his behavior is not normal because this is something that will help keep you safe. People like this can eventually become dangerous so I would recommend talking to the police about this if you can.