I CAN'T STOP WORRYING!!!

[Tux1971]

Hi, I'm a 44 year old mum who has been suffering from anxiety and depression on and off for the last decade.  I am a professional worrier and worry about EVERYTHING, but my speciality is worrying about what people think of me, in particular friends.  I'm constantly worrying that people don't like me (even though I've always been very popular and most people describe me as 'the life of the party', 'always happy', 'sunny', 'funny' etc.  I'm very good at covering up things) or that friends are going to suddenly decide that I'm not their cup of tea anymore.  Even though I have many friends and I'm a very friendly and outgoing person, I still constantly worry that I'm going to be friendless and alone.  I feel like everyone else has their sh*t together and I'm just a 44 year old mess.  My biggest worry at the moment is that a good friend of mine who used to txt me everyday, always be up for a catch-up, always do things with me, has suddenly drifted away from me without any explanation.  I rarely get responses to my text msgs and the energy when I see her is awful, like she really just doesn't want to talk to me.  This is driving me insane and I worry about it constantly and it's turning me into a mess.  Most people would confront the person, but I can't bring myself to do it, because what if she tells me that she's gone off me or that I (unknowingly - I would never knowingly hurt someone) offended/hurt her.  That would just confirm my fears and send me into a downward spiral.  The thought of confrontation sends me into a panic.  And here's the crazy bit - if I bumped into her tomorrow and she was fine with me, I'd immediately stop worrying about this, and find something else to worry about.  I really feel like I'm losing my mind.  I can't escape the constant rumination and reliving of every conversation, interaction, etc. It's just exhausting.  I'm back on medication, but they haven't really kicked in yet.  Am I alone??  Does anyone else out there do this too???

[Kennaugh8]

Hi Tux1971,

In today's day and age, the world is full of comparisons between people, lifestyles, material objects and many other things. It is very easy to get stuck in that cycle where you are always comparing yourself to others and it's hard because there is always something with everyone that they won't like or want to improve. You mentioned that you are worried about a few things at the moment and when one of them is resolved, you find something else. To help ease your mind, try and break down the list of things that worry you and look at them individually. By doing this, it may allow you to work through each concern logically and allow you to respond rationally when you have these thoughts. When anxious, you often have irrational thoughts that can trigger greater fears and concerns that don't actually exist. Do you have any family or friends that you are able to talk to about this? If not, I would suggest seeing your GP to get an appointment with a psychologist. They will be able to give you coping mechanisms and techniques to help keep your anxiety and depression at bay. 

At the very least, continue using the BeyondBlue forum to express how you're feeling. There are always people here to listen to you.

Stay strong,

[joeljoel]

Hey Tux1971, 

I'm a 20 year old uni student and I go through the exact same things when it comes to friends. I have always been described as funny and the life of the party like yourself and I definitely cover up my true emotions.

When friends don't respond to me I'm just the same. I too would relive every conversation and ask 'maybe I did offend them' or 'did they take it the wrong way'. But I have gotten better when it comes to that so I can offer some advice. Firstly your friend might be going through a rough time themselves and as a result they have withdrawn from social interactions or whatever. Secondly you don't need to confront your friend either, maybe ask them if everything is okay with her. 

Sometimes confrontation isn't necessarily bad for friendships. If your worst fears are realised and you have done something to offend her, work through your issues. Your friendship will become much strong. A friendship that has stood the test of confrontation is a valuable one and one that is definitely worth having.

Hope that helps. Best of luck, Joel. 

[Narniakid]

Hey Tux1971, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

Throughout high school I was just how you described - paranoia over my friendships, always wondering if they were talking behind my back or doing things without me. It drove me absolutely insane and if I saw photos of a party they didn't invite me to, I'd be so upset and worry what I had done wrong. 

In the last year or so I've realised that, at the end of the day, we can only be responsible for our own actions. If you're a good, kind, honest person, then people with the same morals and values will want to be around you.

In saying that, remember that every one of us is living completely different lives and experiencing each day differently; sometimes, we might just not have the mental capacity to talk to our friends every day. My own partner and I only really talk when we see each other every couple of days. Socialising can be an extremely draining activity for some, including myself, and chances are, you've done nothing wrong to your friends, they're just going through a period of perhaps focusing on themselves or their families or whatever it may be, they're preoccupied. 

I wish you well and keep us posted. Remember that negative thoughts are just reactions to fear.

Crystal