I can't get out of this funk and it's held me back

[Liffey01]

Hey everyone,

For the majority of my 20's I have been constantly battling with myself to find that inner peace and I don't know what else I need to do to get back to being baseline happy. From the outside looking in it would appear I have the world at my feet. I come from a good family, great social life, a decent job, girlfriend, living abroad etc. But despite all these good things internally I'm a mess. I've always been able to put on a strong face but in the last few years it's getting harder and harder. I have taken many steps to try and fix the problem but nothing works. Counselling, mediation, psychology books, eating healthy, continuing to play sports and exercise, limiting social media, the list could go on but nothing works in the long term.

I was once an energetic and charming person, now I pretend to be. Life never got me down and if it tried I was always able to get through and be positive. But these days the smallest of inconveniences hit me harder. I get lost in deep thought more often and it's usually something negative. I've even started whispering to myself during these deep thoughts and friends and family have noticed. I think I'm starting to lose my mind. Nothing makes me truly happy anymore. I can't tell whether I am actually laughing at something or I'm pretending to save face and to avoid questions from people.

The things I tend to focus on during my far way thoughts are my job, certain relationships, my regrets (many of these), my view on the world and how I view myself. I feel like a fraud in work. I find myself in a profession that I never planned for and have no interest in. I would love to know what it is that would fulfill me career wise. I'm not looking for that passion job that influencers would have you believe is important, only something that I would be competent at and make me proud at the end of the day. I question some friendships constantly and I feel like I've become the bottom rung of the ladder with my friends. It seems every little mistake, even if it's not a mistake, I make is a big deal. And when I try pointing out something they've done I'm shot down by everyone. No one is genuine. The regrets are long and I'm ashamed of myself because of some of them. The world is a messed up place and people aren't as friendly as they use to be, including me.

I don't like myself deep down. I want to again but how do I forgive myself?

[Bananie1234]

Hi Liffey01,

I’m pretty sure i was on the same boat as you. I questioned my life too, always felt like I’m not doing enough in my career and in life but in the eyes of my family and friends, I’m thriving in the world with the things I’ve accomplished.

recently, because of covid restrictions, im starting to question my friendships too. I’ve now accepted that this is adult life, this is the norm now. We don’t respect each other as much as we use to. We’re all fake to each other. and when you confront them, they get offended or they make you feel guilty for being frustrated with them.

i could be really wrong here but im sensing, maybe you’re not living the life you want but what others expect you to be? Based on your paragraphs I feel like your actions are based on fulfilling others instead of yourself. I feel like you’re only showing what others want to see.

I think maybe some self exploring/discovery is what you need right now. Ask yourself, who exactly are you, what kind of person do you want to be, where do you want to be in the future and what do you hope to achieve in life?

You don’t need to figure it out all at once. Maybe start with something small you want to change and dont be afraid to make that change, no matter how small or insignificant it is. one small change at a time can make a big difference to your life in the end. It takes time but it’s worth it.

I hope you’ll feel less confused in the future.

[therising]

Hi Liffey01

I really do feel for you so much during this deeply challenging time in your life. It can be hard to make sense of what simply doesn't seem to make sense.

Not sure if you will be able to relate to the following:

Imagine one day suddenly waking up and everything appeared different. You woke up to your friends and maybe certain family members being judgemental a critical. You woke up to a job that really offered you little satisfaction. You woke up to find life wasn't as exciting as you thought it was. You even woke up to inspiration: Suddenly you and inspiration were interacting with greater clarity than ever before. Give you an example: You say 'No, I just can't do this. I'm hopeless at that sort of thing' and inspiration comes to you, sounding like 'Be fearless. Give it a go'. Would you find yourself arguing with inspiration, maybe even out loud?

Liffey01, you should witness my battle, between 2 minds, over drinking a simple glass of water. It goes something like 'You need to drink more water'. 'No, I can't be bothered getting up out of the chair'. 'Get up and go and drink that glass of water. While you're at it, have a 2nd glass'. Of course, this sort of natural inspirational conversation goes on in my head. Can you imagine how it would appear if I had this sort of conversation out loud? It is natural, for how many people have you heard say 'Gee, I talk to myself a lot these days'. They typically dismiss their intuitive self.

Wondering if you feel like you've suddenly woken up with the question 'Who am I?' or facing the statement 'I just don't know who I am anymore'. Is it possible you have woken up to your natural self and you just can't tolerate anything less than who you naturally are?

I had a sage like guy once say to me, when I was feeling incredibly down on myself, 'You need to forgive yourself for having gone off track, everyone does it now and then'. He seriously triggered me...to tears. Boy, did I sob. He was right. I thought I'd found who I naturally was, until just about everyone brought me down into self doubt and poor self esteem. Back on track, I have learned since then, once you have found who you naturally are nothing and no one is worth giving that up for.

Be yourself (within reason), no matter who it triggers. By the way, if you can't tolerate what your friends say to you, you may naturally wonder out loud 'Why the heck would you say such a thing?' I have found wondering out loud definitely triggers people at times.

🙂

[Liffey01]

Hey Bananie1234,

Thank you for taking the time to reply and thank you for the good advice.

I feel like you are 100% right that I'm possibly living a life to 'please' others rather than pleasing myself. When I think about it maybe that's what I always did growing up and then when I finally realized it a few years ago I struggled because I knew no other way of living. I know what type of person I want to be deep down I just have to put it into action and stand firm when others react negatively to it. I've forgotten how strong I once was, maybe it's time to remember again, even if that means putting others out and losing a friend or two. One step at a time of course.

Thank you very much!

[Liffey01]

Hi therising,

Thank you for taking time out of your day to write those words.

I am definitely feeling inspired. I read through your reply more than once as I really wanted to grasp the meaning of it and I think I have.

You got some 'sage' advise and your friend put it brilliantly that we all fall off track from time to time. In my instance I think it's a case I have fallen off an old one but wasn't ready to jump onto a new one. The natural one. I'm not who I once was and that's okay. It's not a bad thing. Just different. Maybe even better.

Honestly thank you for replying. You've genuinely opened my mind to a new perspective on possibly why I've been struggling the past few years. I'll come back to your reply when I need reminding that the natural self is the best self.

Thanks mate!

[therising]

Hi Liffey01

I like to think the most natural we've every been, if we've had a fortunate childhood, is typically up to the age of around 4 years old.

We wonder and question freely, before a lot of other people's beliefs and ideas are put into our head and before we're told 'Stop questioning everything, just do as you're told!'. We seek excitement on an almost regular basis. We find a tree to climb, without fear. We are fearless. We never look to judge our self, by looking in the mirror. We're typically not even aware of our gender, it makes no difference to us, we just love being our self, no matter what. We're truly amazing when we're this young, before we're conditioned in certain ways.

It's a challenge, re-turning or turning again to our natural self. There is a lot of unlearning to do as we begin to create our own beliefs and our own way forward. By the way, I have become very much like that 3 or 4 year old; I question just about everyone and everything, driving some people a little insane, like my husband. Funny thing is, when I question certain people as to why they do what they do or why the think the way they think, you'd be amazed how often I hear 'You know what, I don't know'. I believe, to find reason in everything or at least most things not only leads us to greater consciousness, it gives us the skill of being reasonable.

🙂