How to turn the little annoying man off

[OLDGRUMPYPA]

Thanks in advance.
A little background. I was brought up in a DV household beaten by my father trying to protect Mum & two younger siblings at 10, which gave me epilepsy. As a teenager I was raped by my then boss. So I lost trust in any authority figure FULL STOP. I now suffer anxiety, depression & have made many attempts. I have been very happily married for 35 years have 3 wonderful sons & 9 beautiful Grandchildren.
I have seen many therapists, psychiatrists etc, never really helped my biggest problem. I hope someone can maybe help here. Its easier I guess not being known. I totally trust my wife, no problem. My problem is when she has to go to see a doctor male or female, it drives me crazy. We are no Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie, & were wrong side of 55. This has been from day one. I know and have been told that they are professional at what they do, I know this but try telling the little idiot I have in my brain. She has also had some bad experiences she has told me which hasn’t helped, but when you can’t afford private health, public is the only choice. Not putting down the staff.
My wife is now my fulltime carer so I go with her everywhere and she never hides anything from me. I would just like to know am I the only one that thinks this way. Or if anyone has any ideas on coping. Much

[white knight]

Hi and welcome,

Yours is a difficult post in many ways to answer. Your issues stem from a childhood environment with instances that were deplorable with such serious implications for you.

As peer group champions we are limited in how we can assist a person like yourself.

My only input that immediately comes to mind is motivation. If you dont feel motivated then attending motivation lectures could help. After all, we are dealing with ways to move on from your demons and cruelty against you.

This is easier said than done. I had a dominating mother so anyone that tries to tower over me gets conflict. Some inroads have come from - counting to 5 before responding or giving the benefit of the doubt. However the inner core of the problem, is inground in my psychy.

In some ways making the best of a bad hand dealt is the best approach. Focus on the present and the future. Make moves to surround yourself with only good caring individuals amd rid your life of the ones without empathy.

I hope I've helped a little.

TonyWK

[OLDGRUMPYPA]

I understand help is limited on here but I appreciate any input. So thanks.

[white knight]

Just trying this forum tells me you do seek out ways to get help. So motivation might not be needed. It us a punt that extra motivation can improve things like mood and tolerance.

You can do a search of

30 minutes can change your life

Fortress of survival

Depression a ship on the high seas

Cheers TonyWK