How To Make Friends?

[Diddle28]

Hello all!

I have bad social anxiety and I find it hard to talk to people. I start to have mini panic attacks, I tend to stay away from everyone and start thinking that everyone is talking/laughing at me.

Does anyone else find it hard? And if so what has helped you to go up to someone and start a conversation?

I miss having friends.

[Gambit87]

Hi Diddle28,

While I don't have bad social anxiety, I do find it hard to talk to people I dont know and make new friends. I generally dont try to start conversations.

I enjoy playing poker! When I first started I almost turned around and went home I was that nervous. Now, I can go to any venue full of random people without getting nervous and chat to people because of that common interest. I suppose you could say I have made friends? I wouldn't normally see these people outside of the weekly poker game but we have drinks and laugh when the game is on.

I think the trick is finding group (even if its online at first) in something you're interested in and start there.

[CalmCat]

Hi Diddle28,

Thanks for such a open and heartfelt post.

I'm 34 and work in the healthcare industry, I get social anxiety all the time. I know it sounds simple, but I just remember to breathe is the best thing I can do, to stem the flow of social anxiety.

Or you could do CBT training with your mental health worker (I've done this in the past).

Hope my suggestions and others help you.

Regards,

Doz

[SarahZ]

Hi @Diddle28,

Thanks for reaching out!

I can also relate to what you are feeling; I often feel others are judging me for my appearance, especially in social settings with people similar in age.

However, I think it’s helpful to remember that everyone is too busy thinking about themselves ( i.e., how the look, what they say, if others are looking at them) to focus too heavily on you.

Whenever I feel self-conscious I always remember that other people are probably more preoccupied with themselves than me!

If you do, however, find your social anxiety intensifying and affecting your everyday functioning, I highly recommend seeking professional help from a psychologist. Psychologists are super wonderful at identifying different strategies to help alleviate anxiety.

Wishing you all the best x

[Emmen]

Hello Diddle28,

I'm glad you're taking this step towards making friends. I completely agree with SarahZ. People are more often occupied with themselves than with you. Adding to that, people generally tend to forget the embarrassing things others do pretty easily too.

I used to be quite terrified talking to people (still get nervous in fact). What helped me was just forcing myself to get out there and meet people. So I'd attend events outside or group meet ups on the Meetup website (I hated the time leading up to the meeting, but often left feeling relieved that it went well). I'm still not good at talking to people in person, I still get awkward (or so I think). But along the way I just learned to mimic people's behavior so that I at least give the impression that I'm not that awkward.

I also started small with the social events. Try involving yourself in activities that involve maybe a maximum of 5 people for starters. One suggestion I can think of is a language exchange, if you're keen on picking up a new language. I enrolled myself in an art course and got to know the people there - found that to be a good way too since I like art and it relaxed me.

Don't pressure yourself too much to overcome the social anxiety, just start small and you'll soon find out what works for you.

Warmly,
Emmen