How do I get my husband to better understand my anxiety and off?

[Remy82]

Hi guys

just wondering how others go about getting their spouse to understand and accept their anxiety? I have suffered from ocd and anxiety for many years and my husband is a wonderful person and has often held it together for us when I couldn't. Lately when I'm struggling he says he doesn't know how to handle it any longer and doesn't like to think that things won't change. I hate more than anything that my issues have such an affect on him, yet I feel that these statements only make me feel worse and guilty. Does anyone else have this happen?

[White_Rose]

Dear Remy82

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue.

Yes, I relate to your problem. My husband would never be interested in my personal difficulties. He was only interested in his own comfort. However your husband does not sound like that. Many people think mental illness of any kind will go away after treatment and time, a bit like acne. Sadly that's not the truth.

So what to do about it. First of all are you receiving any professional help? Have you discussed this with your GP, have any medication, see a counselor of some kind? If you are receiving regular counseling is it possible for your husband to attend one of these sessions with you? Of course you need to arrange this with the counselor first, but it may help husband to have a better understanding of your difficulties and be able to support you in a more effective way.

Do you have much information about anxiety and OCD? If you explore the tabs at the top of the page you will find quite a lot of information. BB will send any of this to you. Also ask for the information for family and friends and get your husband to read it.

Have you ever sat down with him and explained how you feel, what happens when you are anxious and how your OCD 'works'? Explain how you want him to support you. I suggest you also ask him to explain his frustrations and his expectations about you. You are living the condition and he is watching. They are two very different perspectives and it will always be difficult to see through the other's eyes. The closer you can come to understanding the differences of each other, the more comfortable each of you can become.

There are many posts on BB about OCD. Many of them are under Anxiety, some under Trauma or Young People. Probably under Depression as well. Explore the site and read how other people cope. They will be writing from the same experience as you. Join in other conversations as this can be very helpful.

Meanwhile, continue to write in here. There are others who will be along and will reply to you.

I hope to hear from you again.

Mary

[happyplace]

Hi remy82

I understand. 

For me it's that husband and my mum seem to get annoyed if I say it's a bad day. It's like oh no here she goes again.  

They have been supportive but sometimes I feel they get annoyed at me so I open up less.  

[Taash33]

I got my boyfriend to google anxiety and panic attacks. I also say down with him and explained what it is, why I get it, what would help if I had a panic attack your anxiety.

Communication is the key. You need to let him know how you feel. Once they understand they can help you through it. I'm only in my very early 20s and so is my boyfriend but I've always communicate with him about it if not ask your local GP for information about anxiety and depression. 

Hope I helped, and remember don't let it get the better of you! Your bigger then it! Xx

[Chris_B]

Hey everyone, some great advice being shared in this thread. You might also want to check out our Have The Conversation page, it has tips on how to talk to loved ones about depression and anxiety, and communicating your needs.

[Queen_Diamond]

Hi Remy82!

 My partner and I have been together 14 years and I was diagnosed with panic disorder and GAD a year after we started dating. Even after all this time together he still doesn't understand why I feel anxious about death and illness. His outlook on life is very much "whatever happens; happens" mentality and can easily accept the fact that death is inevitable. I wish I could think more like him rather than fearing death so much!

However; he is helpful at challenging my anxious thoughts. Eg: when I tell him I'm scared of having a blood clot for example he reminds me of the medical facts that indicate why I'm at lesser risk of DVT, that I have had it investigated and all is fine etc. When I go on a Google binge (googling symptoms and health info) he is quite firm in telling me to stop. And in general he listens when I'm feeling overwhelmed with anxious thoughts/feelings and even though he may not always know what to say or his challenging talk does not convince me; simply offloading and having a big cry and a cuddle is really helpful.

Your husband may not understand your anxiety and perhaps never will but that does not mean he can't support you in managing it. 🙂