Hi had bad thoughts

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

How are you? I've been going okay, but at work, I've been getting an inner feeling that my management isn't very good & this afternoon, I did something wrong, which triggered me.

I feel bad that I'm thinking this. I'm the only one. I think everyone just accepts that their normal & my bloody mind doesn't!

I don't trust my inner feelings anymore. How do you know if its anxiety or your warning? 

Another bad thing is sometimes I feel my management is all show & no substance. I'm terrible for thinking this, to be fair, my grandmother is also abit like that, looks nice but no substance. She can't help it, it's who she is.

I am glad my brain isn't like that, bur sometimes I wish I could fit in. They just give me "weird" looks, though this is my anxiety I guess.

I'm a terrible person for saying this! I cannot ever tell this to my management, they'll be horrified! 

Also, my team leader, I'm not very good at communicating with her, work stuff I just cant talk right, others are fine but I'm crap, but non work stuff, is okay. I learnt, I think, she's the type of person, where she's always right, as long as she's right, no problem.

I am a horrible person!

Thanks for letting me rant!

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMaree~

Welcome. Looking back over your past posts I can find no reason at all for anyone, orself included, to call you a horrible person.

It is true you worry overmuch, as you have set out before, however that does not make you  horrible. It simply means you are an anxious sort of person, who, if I remember correctly, had been prone to panic attacks (sorry if I've got hte wrong)

This seems to lessen your confidence and regard for yourself, which feeds the worry and so it goes on. Any mistacke, no matter how normal and human assumes huge proportions and gets to rule oyur thoughts.

I have bee the same wy, however I went ot my G, was diagnosed wiht an anxiety condition and received treatment -plus support from my family whne htey understood waht was happening.

I'm a different person now, and although I do worry, probably more than most people, enjoy life and am not ruled by my condition.

May I ask if you have sort medical assistance? It certainly improved my life.

It does not the issue is your ability to talk wiht you team leader, it sounds like she is one of those people that always has to be right. As for not trusting you feelings, I have had similar problems but found talking matters over wiht someone I trusted gave me a better perspective, and not a feeling all was going to end in catastrophe.

If you would like to we would like to know how you get on

Croix

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Croix

I'm feeling better - though the next morning, my mood was very sad. 

I'm on anxiety tablets & am trying to do mindfulness stuff.

I have come to the conclusion that my fellow work colleagues don't give a shit - they just want to be paid or they're too tired to care about work. I'm the only one who thinks about future technology- however it was dumb of me to do this - my ideas cost money & work.

Work is okay, being paid, but it's just the same old, same old. It'll never change - well until 2054 when all of us are gone & a new generation of people are in - or is this just work? People doing the same old, same old & no new technology comes.

I work in a law library & we have paper loose leaf (a guide for the lawyers) & I thought loose leaf was old fashioned & something around before the internet, but people keep on telling me no, its what they want. I've finally gave up, I was stupid for ever thinking that looseleaf was going to be online,  better for the lawyers, as it's faster, more updated, but for staff, they're scared about the online taking over the work & how do you reassure "young" people that their jobs aren't going

[Croix]

Dear Jacintamaree~

I'm glad you felt a bit better the next day, and also that you have sought medical advice.

While it may seem obvious a new technology in many fields would do a better job than  the current system there are lot of factors involved beyond efficiency.

You are most likly right loose-leaf shuld be computerized, wiht its corresponding benefits, however if that is not what the current generation of law-library users want it will have to wait until the need becomes so pressing the change will have to  happen anyway.

Thinking ahead and considering methods is a virtue and something to be encouraged, not a mistake. The fact the circumstances are not yet ready is unfortunate, however the  change I'm sure will happen in time.

Sometimes resistance can be becuse it is not wanted or is over-complex, I suspect that aligning consistent sentencing state-wide in magistrate's courts may be an example (perhaps I'm doing an injustice here).

I don't know how to reassure people their jobs are not going to vanish or change in nature, that is not just your problem but a world wide one. My only rule of thumb is to be as kind and empathetic as possible and try as far as you can see everyone has a livelihood.

Croix

[Guest_9989]

It’s not unusual to have doubts or negative thoughts about management or workplace dynamics, especially if you feel disconnected or anxious.

Here’s a few things that might help:

1. Trust Your Feelings: It’s okay to question things, but if you’re unsure if it’s anxiety or a genuine concern, try to distinguish between the two. Reflect on whether these feelings are persistent and affect your daily life or if they come and go with specific triggers.

2. Communication: If you’re struggling with communicating with your team leader, it might help to practice or seek feedback on how you can improve. Sometimes, a bit of coaching or even just understanding her communication style can make a big difference.

3. Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. It’s normal to have these thoughts and feelings, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. Everyone has their own struggles and doubts.

4. Seek Support: Talking to a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist can help you process these feelings and gain perspective.

Remember, feeling like you don’t fit in doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person—it just means you’re dealing with challenges. Be patient with yourself and consider reaching out for help if you need it.

[JacintaMarie]

Thanks Croix, for that, this weekend I've had a slow weekend where I've just slept - feel abit better.

Yeah, have realised that the loose leaf will never go, though some magistrate courts have stopped them & a couple have chucked the binders in the bin! I don't know why but I laughed at that

[JacintaMarie]

Thanks Guest, I'll try to take them on.

I've had bad week this week, this weekend I've been taking it slow & been sleeping alot.

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMaree~

I've found constant stress takes more out of me than I realize and that the opportunity to just rest -like your weekend- allows that stress to be relieved and your reserves built up again. I'm glad you feel better.

I'm not surprised you lauughted, expecting consistency, foresight and common sense out of any goverment agency is just a trifle hopeful:)

Croix