Health anxiety

[amalee78]

I have suffered from extreme health anxiety since 4 years ago when I had a benign rumour removed from my adrenal gland, the operation went wrong and I almost died. A year later they found a very small tumour on my other adrenal gland and while I have been told it is stable and just needs to be watched I live in constant fear of cancer and death. I also have to have an endoscopy this year because there is a chance I have Crohn's disease, but again, I live in constant fear of cancer and death.

its becoming exhausting and overwhelming. I keep telling myself I've been told I'm ok and I try mindfulness activities a and meditation, but every day is so difficult living with a constant feeling of doom and dread - especially since I have 3 kids and one is only 10 weeks old. I can't shake the feeling I'm going to die and leave them .

i guess I'm hoping if I verbalise my fears it will erase them slightly.

Does anyone else feel similar or have some tips or suggestions for me?

[Quiettall]

Hi Amalee

Congrats for posting. It is often useful to write out what you feel, what you are facing and seek help. I fortunately have not faced the same level of trauma as you, but have supported a very close partner, as well as other family members.

I admit to every so often thinking what would happen if I was faced with cancer. I have had a scare but fortunately it has been cleared after initial treatment. I feel for you and encourage you to keep posting as I am sure there are others who could advise and support you more directly than I

[MsPurple]

Hi amalee

Sorry to hear about your health struggles in the past and having them cause you distress now (and exassebating your current anxiety). I kinda know what it's like as I had bell's palsy and thought I would either get it again or a stroke. So I know how scary it is.

My advice is to talk to someone about it. To get someone to help you rationalise your thoughts. When anxiety hits (especially when it his hard) you can't be completely rational. I may been slightly numb in the face and my anxiety can make me think my bell's palsy is coming back. I have since been open with my housemate about my anxiety and told him about my concern. One time I was concerned it was coming back and he told me 'you did just nap, so it's probably because of that'. It really helped to have someone close to help you rationalise your thoughts

I thought it was really helpful to talk to my doctor about therapist about my concerns. Whether it is about health or other anxieties it is really helpful. My mental health nurse also suggested if i am having lots of anxiety to try and distract myself with a book or a comedy. He also suggested deep breathing and meditation to help my racing mind. This is worth a try. You can get meditation and deep breathing apps on your smart phone.

A fear of death is a really common thing for people with anxiety disorder. I didn't know this when I first saw my mental health nurse. It is something that your should be able to openly talk about with a therapist or someone you are close to. I thought it was something you never talked about and it took me some time to be able to talk openly to my housemate and counsellor about. But let me tell you it has really helped me. I feel like a burden has been lifting. It is weird how powerful the power to sharing and asking for help really is. I suggest you ask for help and get support from others.

[GypsyMoon]

Hi Amalee

I completely understand what your going through.. I suffer from the most debilitating health anxiety, it has ruined my life, I can no longer work, I barely leave the house, I have alienated all of my friends and family because I'm such a huge burden on them.. I live in constant fear of death and disease. I annoy the hell out of my GP I insist on every test and scan under the sun, I call the ambulance on a regular basis, I never sleep, I am severely depressed that this is what my life has become.. I can't watch tv especially medical shows, I can't visit friends or family in hospital, I can't go near sick people, I can't listen to anyone tell me their sickness or disease stories, I can't let anyone new into my life cause I know they won't understand me. I am consumed by fear and anxiety every day..

I always think the worst and convince myself of the worst possible outcome . I'm on medication and am in an extreemly good outpatient mental health program but I'm not getting better after nearly 18 months of treatment.. It scares the hell out of me that I am never going to get better and that this is what I am going to be like for the rest of my life. I feel like there is no hope for me .. I'm terribly lonely, no one understands.. I used to be a strong person, but I feel like that person is lost forever.. I'm exhausted being me.

Im wish I was normal, I envy mentally well people, I wouldn't wish this existence on anyone..

I hope you find some peace and help, I'm sorry I couldn't offer any good advice but please just know you are not alone x

[amalee78]

Thank you so much for your reply. It really does help knowing you're not alone. I also can't watch medical shows, the news, hear health stories from people I know or anything like that. I hear you with the family getting sick of it - my husband does his best to be supportive, but he gets sick of hearing it....

one thing I found interesting is that we're the opposite when it comes to doctors. You pester yours and I can't bear to set foot in any doctor's surgery. The last time I had to go I had panic attacks for a week before I went. I'm always convinced they're going to tell me the worst...

it helps to know someone else is going through it. Another thing that helps me is walking every day. I set an hour aside as a thought free time and do deep breathing and meditation exercises while I'm walking. The days I do that I find the anxiety more bearable and the days I don't do it are always the days we're the bad thoughts get out of control.

i wish I had more useful advice for you, just know you're not alone. Here's hoping we both find a little peace of mind