Friends

[BShock]

Hey there, i have always felt like the awkward mutual friend in most of my friendships. the friend who no one wants to be left alone with. i am wondering if anyone else has felt this way and why it is like this? I feel as though i have nothing to say, even to my closest friends. i desperately want that deep friendship with someone but constantly feel anxious and over analyse the conversation and situation to a point where i feel it best to not say anything. if hanging out with a friend, i feel it has to 'go well' in order for them to like me and continue to want to hang out with me, but both myself and the friend can clearly tell that it is not a natural friendship as i am acting overenthused and excited. not sure exactly how to amend this situation.

[KMF]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. These thoughts are challenging. I have had similar thoughts for years. I am working a lot on being so so aware that they are just thoughts and I can choose how to react to these thoughts.

Perhaps organise a catch up with someone where you are doing something - maybe go ten pin bowling or roller skating at a rink so the pressure is off to talk the whole time?

[Banksy92]

I can really relate to this feeling, I think (at least for me) it's rooted more in anxiety and low self esteem. When I am fully relaxed, not anxious and comfortable with someone I don't feel this way (like with my sister) but with friends or colleagues I doubt everything. It's slowly been getting better as I learn to manage my anxiety and work with a psych to sort out my brain! But I'm always a work in progress.

Something else I might add is that I also found it was related to friendships that weren't a good fit for me. When I found people I clicked with a little more, it came a lot more naturally. Are you 100% happy with your friend group?

[missep123]

Hi BShock,

I am sorry you have felt this way. A friend of mine actually told me once that they felt exactly the way you did! Honestly I was shocked because I valued this person for who they were and what they brought to the table. I really feel like friends gravitate to each other for different reasons and even if you may feel like the 'awkward mutual friend' you hold a special and important place that couldn't be filled by anyone else. Basically you are not the awkward mutual friend but rather that is sometimes the way we see ourselves that does not reflect the reality.

There is no other you! You are awesome in your own way. I really believe we all are in our own way!

[Pinkpeonie]

Yes I know exactly how you feel. Prior to reading this I had googled ‘nobody likes me’ and there’s a lot of articles saying it’s a very common condition. I think I’ve improved over the years but it still crops up and I feel like I’m back at square 1. Tonight I met a friend for dinner with another friend, we had planned to see a movie tomorrow night as well and she seemed to jump at the chance to get out of tomorrow night. Do I went from feeling really good about seeing 2 friends to now feeling lovely and that nobody wants to be with me. It’s such a horrible feeling.

[jaz28]

Hi,

I totally understand where you are coming from !

The best way I do things now is to try and stay in the present and go with the flow - easier said than done though.

Perhaps try some mindfulness exercises?

All the best,

jaz xx

[missep123]

Hi BShock,

I just wanted to check in and see how you were going

We are definitely here for you

[BShock]

Hey there,

I have been doing a lot of reflecting and thinking. It's really nice to have you guys responding and interacting with my posts. I recently moved to university and haven't felt great for a while. feel close to crying a lot. some days I feel fine though and other days it feels hard to get out of bed. I think I just have to retake control of my life and figure out who I am. I think I've become quite lost within myself. Any tips are very welcome! Again, thank you guys

[Banksy92]

Hi BShock,

My main tip would be to look into seeing a psychologist or counsellor to work through these feelings and build skills to feel more content and confident in yourself. I wish deeply I could tell myself to do this when I was in University, I would have really had a much more positive experience. But I did get there a few years later and am so grateful I now have a psychologist to support me.

You can get 10 free sessions through a mental health care plan with your GP.

Other things I would suggest are exploring hobbies you like, both alone and in groups because having an outlet you enjoy (sport, art, travel, etc) really helps bring value to your everyday life. It can also help you have a starting point to build friendships through common interest,

Let us know how you go.

[MadieC]

My advice would be kind to yourself- moving to university is a big transition in life- and transitions in life are hard work on our bodies and our minds. First be kind to yourself an accept that feeling like this would be normal to struggle a bit when you are doing something so new and brave. Then, focus on all the things you have achieved so far- tell yourself all the things you have done well so far- moved to University, commenced study, even small things- like finding the lecture rooms and doing an assignment. On the days its hard to get out of bed- think of one nice thing you are going to do, and then congratulate yourself for getting up. There is a saying that motivation follows actions ( its not the other way around) and sometimes you have to make yourself do something to feel motivated.

And I agree with the previous suggestion- look at hobbies that you enjoy, and seeing a counsellor would also be very helpful. They can help you with skills for the rest of your life- as these feelings can often come up in life.