Feelings of regret

[Greyhound123]

Hi Guys,

I am wondering if this is just a thing I do, or if this is common? I came from a very moral family, where in my eyes my mum, dad and sister always did everything right. Throughout the years growing up, I think i was generally a good person, but like anyone i made mistakes (I was the wild one). Sometimes I find things i did wrong and obsess over how bad it was that I did them. Mostly stuff when I was young, insecure and trying to be cool. Often after woulds I will think, "ohh stop being silly".

For example when I was about 16 years old, I stole a VCR tape from the video shop, I really really didn't want to but my friend really pressured me into it (no excuse I know). From the moment I walked out I felt a tremendous amount of guilt. I watched the movie once and just remember pondering for a couple of years on and off what to do and how bad I felt, I would think "ohh i will take it back" but then thinking i would get in trouble or they would think i was crazy, then "Oh I will pay for it" and then I didn't ever seem to have the money, and also being too embarrassed to do so. Eventually about 2 years later a mate borrowed the video. then ironically it was stolen from his place! That sort of gave me a bit of a feeling of "well you got your Karma and it got stolen from you forget it". But now...15 years later, it pops into my mind and I start to regret it....I start to think "what if I got caught, how disappointed would my parents have been", "Now I can't die with a clear conscious knowing I was a thief". I Think to myself though that I had friends who stole things all the time and i don't think any less of them now. But it doesn't change it for me. I thought about going back to the shop and paying for it but never did and now the shop is closed. Now that I am an adult I thought I will find another shop in the chain, go and give them $50 and walk out looking like an idiot but feeling like I did the right thing.

If it is not the video I will find another thing. Sometimes it was bigger things like sleeping with women, or it is smaller things like the VCR or being rude and arguing with somebody. It is all stuff from when I was about 15 - 25.

P.S. The only other thing I ever stole was a ladder I never returned to the company i did my apprenticeship for, I looked at it as payment for unpaid overtime, but the same thing, I am thinking about bringing it back.

[Dwwmills]

Hi Greyhound123.

I think we’ve all done things that we regret from time to time. The fact that you regret it shows that you have a conscience and know right from wrong. You probably even learned a bit about your sense of right and wrong and peer pressure from actually doing this. I did something similar when I was younger and I came to realise that even though what I took cost very little it still had a price. The price was guilt and it lasted much longer than what the item would have cost me in the first place. It was a very valuable lesson and has prevented me from doing similar things for the rest of my life. I have forgiven myself for doing this as no one is perfect and I did learn a valuable lesson. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Learning from the mistakes I think is the important part. You seem to have learnt from the mistakes you made so perhaps you could find it in yourself to forgive yourself for not being perfect.

Unfortunately life doesn’t come with a handbook or a manual. We do the best we can with what we know at the time and we often make mistakes. If you can apologise for your mistakes or correct them quickly do so but if not we just need to chalk them up to experience and learn from them. Remember what you’ve learned from your mistakes then put the mistakes behind you and move on. We’re only human after all.

Best wishes

Dean

[Greyhound123]

Wow thank you very Much for such wise words. It really helps me to put it into perspective. Thanks mate!

[Doolhof]

Hi Greyhound 123,

Like yourself and Dean and no doubt many others here on the forum, I have done things in my life that I regret having done.

Think back to the age you were when you stole the VCR and the circumstances. At that age, peer pressure can be a huge thing. Just being a teenager can be a nightmare for some of us! I'm not saying that what you did was okay, only that I acknowledge you did it at a time in your life when you had no idea what the consequences would be.

Hindsight is wonderful. I regret a lot of the choices I have made in life. I can not change them, I can learn to forgive myself for my mistakes and move on. You now know that stealing is something you are not proud of, so I doubt you will ever do it again. You have learned something valuable!

Regarding the $50.00 for the VCR, yes you could take it in to a store and say it is payment for a VCR that was never returned. Or you could donate $50.00 to a charity. That might help you to feel better about the incident.

Try to forgive yourself and think of ways you can be a different person. Even just saying hello to the little old lady next door or offering to mow her lawn will help you feel better about yourself. (Just an example). You might not be living next to a little old lady at all!

Thinking of positive ways for making a difference in the lives of others will help to release some of the guilt and burden you are feeling about past actions.

As I mentioned, just a smile and a hello can make a huge difference in someone's life.

You sound like a caring and sensitive person, I am sure you have a lot to give.

Cheerio for now, from Mrs. Dools