Anxiety with confrontation

[gloria10]

Hi,

So at the moment I'm in the process of finding a new job, hopefully getting closer, one thing I do find hard though is facing my boss, especially if I go against something he says. They tend to have outbursts from time to time and I never know when it will happen, so it makes it worse for my anxiety. Actually, they are the main reason I am seeking a new job because I can't deal with their quick temper any more.

I'm wondering if anyone has advice on how to approach this? Luckily I shouldn't need to spend too much more time with them, but I am always on edge when they are at work. I dread facing them if I do something wrong because I keep worrying that I will be told off like a child or humiliated.

I guess I just needed to vent but any advice would be welcome.

[Gruffudd]

Hi there Gloria,

That is one of the reasons I left my last job. There were things that helped a little.

• I found the toilet was a handy little quiet space.
• I made use of a notes app on my personal phone to write the unreasonable thoughts I was having down.
• I made a list of the incidents in the diary, to track the pattern, it helped to see that there was one and how it fitted with what I was doing because it reminded me that it was them not me.
• I took pride in my work so that anything they said was clearly unreasonable.
• Where possible I used my breaks to get out and have me time.
• Lastly, when I had my new job I made sure I got a bit Bolshie and waited an hour then called them on how they spoke to me. That felt good.

​I wish you all the best.

Rob.

[blondguy]

Hi Gloria

Nice to see you again:-) Great advice from Rob too!

I too have worked for management that have anger issues and with my anxiety I felt sick to my stomach when getting mega critical rants thrown my way. Its obnoxious unnecessary behavior.

If you have really accepted that you are doing your best, these outbursts are their problem..You could go as far as to have pity them for lacking the appropriate skills to communicate.

Congrats in seeking alternative employment. You have your health as a priority and are pro-active in your thinking. Interesting to see that your boss is having difficulty coping....He has the problem, not you Gloria.

Kind Wishes for you

Paul

[gloria10]

Thank you for your advice Rob, very helpful. I often find bathroom breaks helpful, especially if I feel upset or humiliated. I like your advice of writing down what happens and seeing the pattern as I do think its them more not me. They seem to be punishing me for past mistakes and not letting go of them while I am trying to move forward, many thanks.

Blondguy I'm sorry to hear you had such a difficult boss; I also felt that way, anxiety before work and stomach in knots which is not a nice feeling to deal with especially while you're trying to concentrate. I'm always wondering when their next outburst will be. When I started getting a lot of stomach pain that's when I realised I had to look for something better suited and hopefully with a more supportive environment. I'm also hoping to find out about a job this week so I'll hopefully be out of there soon 🙂