Feeling lost

ScaredBetty · ‎20-03-2018

I was walking along the beach and I felt like I was going to explode, I felt like I just wanted to start running far away and not stop. I felt like I was going to burst at any second, and I was trying to hold back tears.

I had wound myself up throughout the day, my printer wasn’t working, my assignment was stuffing up, my tv wasn’t working and a lot of little annoyances put together had slowly brought me to a point of feeling agitated and overwhelmed like I was going to snap. When I sat on the beach I felt hopeless and lost, I felt like I should have every reason to be happy right now yet why wasn’t I ? I could feel tears coming out and I felt like giving up on everything for a moment, I wondered to myself what the point of my life was and if I will ever feel like myself or normal again, what’s the point of continuing if I am going to keep feeling this horrible sometimes. I felt like there was a knot inside me and it was getting tighter and tighter, I felt hot and dizzy and my vision was surreal around me. I don’t know if this is my anxiety or depression, I feel like I keep taking 2 steps forward 1 step back 😞

Quercus · ‎22-03-2018

Hi ScaredBetty,

Sorry you had to wait for a reply and welcome sometimes posts sneak through. Doesn't mean you're not important. It does hurt waiting though.

You mentioned your anxiety and depression but not how you manage it. Do you see a therapist? Take any meds?

Your story about sitting on the beach sounds so overwhelming and familiar. I find it helps to try work out what can wait or be delegated so that my mind doesn't get too full of worry. Is there anyone in your life you can ask to help you with the printer and tv so you can focus on your assignment?

Have you had a look at any of the mindfulness apps like smiling mind? Maybe taking a few minutes when you feel overwhelmed to listen and calm yourself might help.

You're not alone here. If you search through the anxiety section or the staying well section there are lots of threads about managing anxiety that may help you to join in.

By the way are you at uni or school or tafe? If you're under 25 there is the under 25 cafe in the social zone where you can chat to others also studying.

Nat

RandR · ‎22-03-2018

Hi @Scaredbetty,

The walk on the beach sounds nice, that feeling of exploding not so much.

Based on everything that happened earlier throughout the day It sounds like you were just overwhelmed and I'll also admit that I'm a very impatient person and tend to snap at the smallest things! (I've gotten better over time thanks to my partner I'll admit). Do you mind If I ask how long you've had depression/anxiety for? And when was the last time you felt this overwhelmed, lost and not 'yourself' again?

Your post gave the impression that you have a lot going for you but the inner feeling of self says otherwise? What keeps you busy during the day if I may ask? I suffered major depression for over 12 years, had suicidal thoughts and like you, thought to myself 'what's the point' and always felt like I was not moving forward but rather sitting still. Even though the reality was I too had a lot of good things going for me. Depression is one of those things that can take all the happiness away and make you feel so alone. I also learned through my own experience that I wasn't pursuing what I was passionate about, stopped my most enjoying hobbies and was quite simply, so overworked and busy that I didn't stop and let life catch up to me.

I'd love to hear back from you @ScaredBetty and get to know you a little better if you're open in sharing and talking more. I was at a point in my life where I was 1 step forward and 2 steps back...Sounds like you are still ahead based on my maths 🙂

Love to hear from you 🙂

Kind Regards,

Raman.

ScaredBetty · ‎26-03-2018

Hi Nat

I have started seeing a psychologist to help me through things, I have been very skeptical that it will work and I am trying to remain positive about it, I know results won’t show instantly. I’m on medication for depression and anxiety currently, although I am having it reviewed at the moment to see if I need something stronger. I have recently downloaded the smiling mind app and I find it helps to calm my nerves, I really should get onto using it more.

Im at uni currently so I will definetly have a look into the social zone 🙂

thankyou

ScaredBetty · ‎26-03-2018

Hi Ramen,

i have had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, probably since I was around 13. My anxiety has definetly improved, I used to have panic attacks nearly weekly and not be able to control the fear or the attacks but I manage them a lot better now. I definetly have my good and my bad days as we all do, although I feel like the bad days are feeling much more draining lately and I wonder to myself sometimes if one day I won’t be able to cope with it anymore- that is what I’m terrified of. I definetly have not felt like myself for a long time, I constantly worry about my health a lot and I feel like I am in a never ending battle that I just can’t win, and I just don’t want to feel like that anymore.

i try to keep myself busy during the days with work and uni, but some days everything just seems a struggle.

Thankyou for sharing your story with me, I’m really glad you feel like you have overcome a lot of the depression

🙂

RandR · ‎29-03-2018

Hi @ScaredBetty

How are you? Thanks for sharing that with me. I was around 17 when I started getting depression. And you're welcome. Thanks for hearing my story too. I've definitely got a hold of my depression and are in control of it and haven't had it for about a year now. Mind you, it took a lot of realisation, changes, breaking of patterns and stopping bad decisions in life too.

To an extent and I don't mean for this to come off the wrong way but, I'm somewhat glad that you are 'terrified'. It's that feeling of being terrified that was part of that huge realization that I really appreciated life and living (and not the alternative). It prompted me to reach out, change direction and appreciate things slowly bit by bit.

I know it can seem like a very big mountain to climb but keep pushing, keep breathing and small steps.

Do you mind if I ask what you are studying at university?

Hope you are well 🙂

Raman.

Quercus · ‎30-03-2018

Hi Betty,

Thanks for coming back to reply and let us know how you have been holding up. It really does feel nice to know you read our replies and even more to hear you've been getting some support offline.

Raman is so spot on about being terrified. Wanting to feel better and to keep trying is a good thing. With time you'll learn that the bad days come and go and you just have to keep trying and helping yourself.

I understand worrying about not being strong enough to keep fighting. So don't fight it. Accepting your mental illness does help. Wanting to "be yourself"again puts so much pressure on you to fight and exhaust yourself. It is ok to not feel so good. And it is ok to ask for help and be gentle to yourself and wait it out.

Smiling mind is a very popular app so I'm glad you found it helpful too. Have you checked out the staying well section also? I like to hunt through there for ideas to keep myself busy and focused on self care.

Finding ways to help yourself is always trial and error. Meds and therapy and all the self care... It takes time and effort to work out methods that work for you. And then sometimes even then there are bad days. I know this so well. But what's important is to keep trying and to surround yourself with help. How are you going with making friends at uni? Have you got some good supports around you at all?

I'm glad you came back to talk. Join in wherever interests you Betty 😊