Decision making

[HermitCrab]

Hi there

I've always had trouble making decisions, I always like to put other people first and tend to analyse what would be best for them and make them happiest, which has led to me usually pushing the decision making on them so that they will be happy.

This has extended so that I'm often incapable of making decisions, even simple ones like what to have for lunch can have me stumped all morning as I think about how much money I'm willing to spend on lunch and what the most convenient place is etc.

Recently it's becoming a problem with my boyfriend. I do my usual thing of letting him make most of the decisions because if he leaves it up to me I'm worried that I'll choose something that will not make him happy, and in the end I don't really mind which decision is made. Its gotten to the point where he holds off decision making in case what he decides upsets me, because often I don't realise what I actually wanted until I start doing it.

Is there any advice on how I can stop agonising over simple things like what to wear or where to go for dinner with friends and maybe start thinking about what decision I actually want?

Thanks

[PamelaR]

Hiya HermitCrab

You sound exactly like my husband and myself. I know exactly what you are feeling because my hubby is the same as you. I have had to be so mindful of this and really put some of the decisions back on him.

Not sure where having to please the other comes from, however, it makes decision making incredibly difficult. When you think about it, he doesn't want to make a decision because he's not sure what I want, and I don't want to make a decision because I feel selfish.

So how does one move on? The important thing is to think about yourself. What do you want? It's okay to ask yourself this question - you are worthwhile! That's what I ask my hubby all the time - what do you want to do? Otherwise we'd end up doing everything I want. That's just not fair.

Agonising is difficult - maybe start to talk to him. Things to talk about are what you thinking, what you'd really like to do and what he'd really like to do.

Hope some of this helps HermitCrab. BTW I love hermit crabs 🙂

PamelaR