Feeling Lonely in a Sharehouse

[stell_a178]

I recently moved out of home at 20 into a share house and I’m feeling really lonely. It’s pretty ironic because I left my mums house a week ago because it was a toxic environment, but moving has made me feel even more isolated. 
I live with 5 other people and they are insanely quiet. I wake up; silence. I go to bed; silence. It kind of creeps me out a bit, even though I am a shy introverted person, hearing nothing has been freaking me out.
It has also made me feel quite lonely, especially on top of being away from my siblings and mother (even if we don’t have the best relationship). I don’t have any friends and now I hardly ever see my family, so I am having a hard time coping. 
I see a psychologist once a month but it’s becoming too expensive. I don’t know what to do because I’ve already signed a lease and ideally I don’t want to go back to my mothers house. Any advice or support is appreciated.

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am sorry you are experiencing this. Moving out of home for the first time can be an isolating experience because you are leaving the home environment that you have always known. It might take some time for you to adjust and warm up to your roommates. Maybe they are quiet because y'all don't know each other well enough yet? Over time this will hopefully improve as you get to know each other. I know it can be hard when you are shy and introverted, but overtime these relationships will grow organically.

"The grass is always greener on the other side" is a quote I live by. When you're in one situation (e.g., in the "toxic environment" at your mum's house), the other side looks better (e.g., living in the shared house). Now you've moved to the greener side of the shared house, and you are missing your family - isn't it ironic? Remind yourself of why you decided to move in the first place. I think you need to be patient with yourself and give yourself some time to adjust.

Seeing a psychologist is expensive at the moment - are you seeing them through medicare? The gap is around $75 at the moment. if you can get a concession card (are you on centrelink?) it can go down to $35 i believe (maybe check this with your psychologist's practice). it would be a good idea to keep seeing the psychologist as you adjust to your new living situation. alternatively, you could see a counsellor, which might not be as expensive? your local headspace centre might be able to help you: https://headspace.org.au/headspace-centres/

i hope things improve soon,

jaz xx

I am sorry you are feeling lonely - can you still visit your mum and family?

[stell_a178]

Hey jaz, 

i really appreciate your words of kindness and wisdom. I am not on Centrelink and I’m not eligible unfortunately, so I’m working to cover my costs. On top of that, the out of pocket expense for my psyc is $110 (with Medicare cover as well) because she has studied a masters degree. So my choices are quite limited. I could seek out a cheaper option, but I love my psyc so it would be distressing to do so unfortunately.

It’s been around 4 days now and I’m slowly adjusting. Although it’s still hard, getting into my normal routine is helping significantly. I still cry sometimes at night because I feel as if I’m missing out of my family’s life and talks, but I’m trying to tell myself that I can always see them if I need/want to. I’ve organised to see them for dinner once a week just to help with the transition. In the beginning I was telling myself I couldn’t do that because it is too “codependent” of me. But I need to remind myself that wanting or needing to see your family is a part of life and it is ok. It doesn’t mean I am weak or “bad at moving out”. I guess it’s just hard to continue to remind myself of that. 

anyway, thank you for your help. It truly helped me so much, and has allowed me to relax. Thanks Jaz, and I hope you are doing ok too.

stella x

[Richju]

Hey Stella,

Congratulations for the improvement in just 4 days! I'm so pleased to hear you are beginning to feel more at home. Leaving your family is always a challenge and I feel your descision to meet with your family once a week is a great idea.

My experience of share houses are dufficult too. After all you are living with people you don't know and who probably come from very different homes. It's not easy. Just a 'hello' and a smile may be a way to begin connection with the others. If they are all quiet, they may feel like you do.

But I say again, I'm amazed how much you have achieved in just 4 days and hope you will keep posting on the forum to tell us how you're going.

I really look forward to hearing from you.

Warmest regards,

Richju 

[stell_a178]

Hey Richju,

Thank you so much for your comment. This has made me feel more reassured and validated for what I was/am feeling. 
I am just trying to remind myself that it’s a part of the process. It is just quite difficult to do so when so many things are going on at once. But I’ve just got to give it time. Posting on this forum and receiving comments like yours has really helped me relax and feel more comfortable in my situation, so again, thank you for taking the time to comment ☺️

Regards,

stella x

[Richju]

Hi Stella,

Glad you are so much more positive! You are coming along in leaps and bounds. Yes, it will take time but have you thought of keeping a gratitude diary? Just keep a note of good things that happen each day to help you settle. They can be just little things eg. that one of your housemates said hello or someone was playing music you like etc.

I hope you still seeing your family and finding them easier to be with now. Perhaps experiences from these visits could also go in your gratitude diary.

I'm so very pleased your replied to my post and really look forward to hearing from you again.

Love and hugs,

Richju xxx