Feeling like I'm going around in a circle

[Ca22a]

Hi everyone. First time poster here. I am thirty-one years old and I feel lost. I work in a job where I am isolated and feel useless 100% of the time. I don't have many friends but the ones I do have I find myself isolating away from them. Some I question if they are actually my friends anymore as they do not support me. I know I have trust issues as I am unable to open myself fully for my therapist either and have actually cancelled my last two appointments as I just feel like we're not making any progress. Along with working full time I am also studying online at university but I truly have no idea why. Part of me feels like maybe if I have a bachelor degree that people would start noticing me and respecting me, but I doubt it. And I don't know whether to stay or drop from uni. I am currently studying a BA in writing and English and I keep thinking 'what's the point'? This is not going to lead to a career and I don't even know what career I would like to go for. I have zero self-esteem and confidence in myself anymore and this job has definitely contributed to it. I am starting to feel paranoid that everyone around me is fake and I can't get out of my head to start living my life. I don't know how to express myself properly or back myself and it just....I just feel like I am getting no where and it's all my fault. I know what I should do but I'm just so stupid and lazy that I don't do it. I wish I was a stronger person to either fight this or accept it, but I'm not. I don't know what I am doing.

I'm sorry, this is more a rant than a question but I just don't know what do. I am literally crippled from fear.

[44Max44]

Hi Ca22a,
I'm pretty much in the exact same boat as you right now. I'm 20 and feel completely lost, I have no idea what I want to do with my life and even if I did I wouldn't have a single clue where to start.
I too find that I isolate myself from friends, I only really keep in touch with my best friend and isolate myself from the rest, I think this is because I'm horrible at socializing and have pretty much no self-confidence, so I just put all my levels into one Pokemon instead of training the whole team, for lack of a better metaphor.

I too struggle massively with expressing myself, I always have what I WANT to say in my head, but what I actually say is usually something different. I'll go over what I'm going to say 10-15 times in my head before I actually say it because I guess I don't want to sound dumb.

I tend to overthink anything and everything and it makes my life miserable. Instead of getting on with my life, I'm stuck spinning my tires and getting nowhere.

One thing I find that always cheers me up is hanging out with my best friend, even just him being there and not saying a word can help me a lot.

Keep on keeping on, Brother. I know it's cliche, but it will get better.