Feeling Dangerously Low

[Parrot19]

Hi, I'm new here but have hit breaking point trying to cope with the things going on in my life which are subsequenly bringing up past issues which are now becoming problematic again (or perhaps they never left).

My husband and I have struggled to conceive for several years. Age was never on our side but I've never had a strong urge to have children. I've never been against them and if they came along naturally I was all for it. My husband however wanted to try everything so I have gone along with IVF to please him.

It's been emotionally and physically draining for me and after almost a year of trying this way, I received another "unfortunately it was not successful" call this morning.

All that to say, from the emotional strain I have gained weight which has triggered depressive moods as I have been through hell with weight problems for most of my past (I suffered anorexia as a teen and suicidal thoughts which was spurred on from being bullied as a child for being overweight).

I've never had therapy or had any advice for those past issues which psychologically, I think have just snowballed but I've supressed them well.

But today I was tipped over the edge from a comment made where someone (not knowing anything about me or my cicumstances) asked if I was pregnant. Of all days!! I couldn't believe it. This is not something I've been asked before and it has triggered all sorts of problems in my head, given the news I received from the doctor today and my weight insecurities going back to when I was young.

I feel like giving up. I feel cursed. I feel too much pressure to try and conceive to keep my marriage alive and feel ugly and worthless from gaining too much weight.

I even feel ashamed having written all this but I don't know what to do and how to cope.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Parrot19,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums. It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you decided to reach out here tonight. We are so sorry to hear how difficult your journey has been in trying to conceive, and can hear how disheartening the phone call you received this morning must have been. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

We can also hear that these feelings resurfacing must be so tough to cope with, especially if you find it difficult to reach out to friends or family for support. We think it might really help to be able to talk these feelings and experiences through with the kind counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service, who are available to you anytime on 1300 22 4636 or also through Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport The lovely counsellors can offer support, as well as advice and referrals to help you during this really difficult time.

We would also really encourage you to reach out to our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with. You never have to go through this alone.

We hope that you find some comfort here in the words of wisdom and kindness that our community can offer, and please do feel free to keep updating us on how you're going whenever you feel ready- we're all here for you. 

 

[Croix]

Dear Parrot19~

There is no shame in waht you have written. It is the whole of you life at the moment and telling it does help -particularly when others can relate

Not all husbands relate, the entire burden falls on the woman, from the egg collection, the monthly cycles and the endless waiting to hear the result.

Doing this to keep a marriage alive may not be the best course. As it is you have the additional difficulties left behind by your earlier anorexia simply makes things worse. You are wrong, but I suspect you feel you have failed both in having a child and your weight.

Neither is any sort of failure. You managed to beat anorexia, which is a huge achievement, and you have gone above and beyond in trying to have a child.

I know you want your marriage to work, but that takes two peple, and if one becomes ill then the focus should be on that person - in this case you.

Do you think it might be time to stop the IVF? Not an easy decision, however your life cannot continue in misery.

With love two can be together without children. May I ask if you have talked over your situation and how you feel with your husband? It is so easy to feel isolated.

If he is not as understanding as he might be is there anyone else, family or friend, who you can talk to frankly and will listen and care?

Sophie_M is right, you need professional medical care to help you over this set of very real difficulties. As you said yourself your bullied experiences and reaction to them have sat inside you, unresolved. A start which enhances your current feelings.

Can I suggest you do seek proper medical help, a therapist with an understanding of the causes and long term effect of eating disorders and trauma would be good, as would one who can help you see the great lengths you have gone to in their true perspective.

Please talk here some more, we do care

Croix

[Guest_1573]

Dear Parrot

I am so sorry for what you are going through! Having been through IVF myself I know how traumatising it is; and to get the 'sorry' phone call is the pits. Some people never learn ie one never asks if someone is pregnant! I myself look pregnant but it is just fat. I too suffered anorexia and severe body dysmorphic issues in my younger years. It can all be too much to bear can't it. I am sending you a big hug. Please take care and give BB a call as they have helped me in the past.