Feeling a bit sad and ashamed after a rough patch

[Marcus_33]

Hey guys,

For the last two years, I'd experienced symptoms of OCD/HOCD/and anxiety.

I've seen a therapist regularly over the time, and with a lot of work, I feel as if I made some sort of sense of things and on the other side of it/out of the storm.

I feel and realize now that if I've been seriously delusional, and the thoughts and feelings I'd been on a mission to fight just were not real all along, they were things that I created in my head and no matter what people tried to tell me, or the evidence that I had/didn't have, I was convinced that I was right and that I was in trouble, when I really wasn't. I'm exhausted and I'm just not sure why that happened or why I tried to fight it all so hard. It's been a long time and I just don't know why things like this happened or what to take out of it.

Just wondering if there's anyone on here that has felt the same and how you felt better about yourself afterward after having experienced a really tough time dealing with anxiety, depression, or other illnesses.

[Jackson85]

Hi Marcus,

I have some experience with anxiety, and I know exactly what you are talking about. 99% of the things I would get anxious about never happened, and yet with each worry, I found a reason to justify being nervous about just that one. In fact, the worry and stress caused by the anxiety of things going wrong was often worse than the real consequence if that thing did happen to go wrong!

It's worth remembering that we don't all live in the same world. If you look at a cylinder from the top, you'll see a circle, but if I look at it from the side, I'll see a rectangle. Now who is right? Your circle is real, and my rectangle is real, but they're just contributing parts to reality, which is a cylinder. If someone asked you what shape you saw, and you reported it was a circle, and they turned the shape to show it was a cylinder, you could then adjust your perception of that shape. But before they turn it, all you can see is a circle, because that's the shape you're being presented with. Now when you find out it's a cylinder, would you feel silly for not knowing that earlier? Should you feel guilty or careless for not magically guessing that really it's a cylinder even though it looks like a circle? Absolutely not. We just make the best decisions we can with the information we have. So when you look back on how you used to feel, that they were just thoughts, and just in your head, those thoughts are the circle, and now you're seeing the cylinder. You couldn't have known differently, and had you not gone through that, you wouldn't be who you are today.

The thoughts we have are very real, and whether they're consistent with the reality everyone else sees is kind of irrelevant. If I see a circle, I'm going to think it's a circle, and even though everyone else can see that from the side it's a cylinder, so what; from my position it looks like a circle, and that's what I'm gonna roll with.

Our journey is unique, and it's awesome that you're trying to find your happiness after such a tough time.

Hang in there,

Jackson85

[mountain_girl]

Hi i suffer anxiety and depression on a day to day basis have some things in place and change in my thinking and lots of walking helps me and ringining family members helps heaps one day at a time . Hang in there thinking of you. Jennyjill.

[Alexlisa]

Hi Marcus,

I have OCD and know how hard it is to live with, and even harder to get on top of. It’s amazing that you’ve been able to come as far as you have. I’d like to encourage you to be proud of the hard work that you’ve done. I know it wouldn’t have been easy - OCD is a tricky monster.

I understand what you’re saying about realising it made no sense, but that is exactly the nature of OCD. It generally makes no logical sense. I know for me, OCD has me believing all sorts of things that I logically know make no sense, but I still find it impossible to convince myself of the absolute certainty that they are impossible. OCD uses that 0.1% of doubt. It is an immensely frustrating illness and at times has me doing or thinking things that are embarrassing or shameful, but I try to remind myself that I have an illness and am doing my best.

Perhaps if you tried to think of that period of your life as similar to having a physical illness. If you were ill with say chronic arthritis for 2 years you probably wouldn’t be hard on yourself or feeling ashamed about the symptoms of the arthritis. Mental illness is just as real as physical illness, with its own, sometimes crippling symptoms. Please try to be compassionate with yourself. You’ve had a difficult time coping with an illness, but you persisted and showed great resilience to keep getting help. I hope this helps, because you deserve to feel pride in what you’ve overcome.

Take care,

Alexlisa

[Marcus_33]

Thanks so much guys. Such amazing perspective and has helped me through a rough week. But I feel a lot clearer now. Thank you xxxx

[Jackson85]

That's excellent Marcus, I'm glad to hear you're feeling clearer. Feel free to come back and post anytime.

You're killing it,

Jackson85