Fear of dying since having children

[Indi_Heart]

Hi all,

First time posting....

Since having children ( 9,4,2 &1yrs) I have had a fear of dying caused by something going wrong in my health.

Something so simple to others like a skin check sends me into a anxious mess. I have had to have several moles removed due to changes in them (they all have come back normal) but waiting the week it takes for the results is torture. It is the only thing I can think of and so challenging to continue with every day life. Once ive done one check up the fear turns to something else, with the key feature being that I dont want to die. I want to be around to see my children grow up and make sure that they are ok.....

Has anyone ever experienced this? I feel like im the only one and with a skin check tomorrow I feel helpless

[white knight]

Hi Indi, welcome

Its natural for humans to be concerned for their survival. But we can go too far.

I think your thinking needs looking at, it could be too negative, too fearful, too insecure. Getting things in proper perspective stops worry. Whatever it is it is out of balance. Chat with your GP soon.

In the meantime google these

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue

Tony WK

[demonblaster]

Hi Indi welcome 🙂 Hey Knight 🙂

You love your children and wanna be there & see them flourish, every good Mum would

Yeah as Knight said it would be a good idea to start the process for professional help because the longer these things are left the harder but manageable it is to get on top

Also there's very useful threads here on anxiety and other one's for coping techniques that could be helpful
Not saying you have anxiety but because you get anxious

All the best darl with this and skin check 🙂

[Lilly_olive]

Hi indi

i could have cried when I read your post. You are not alone and I have exactly the same issue as you described. I also have young children and am highly anxious with health issues constantly worrying something is wrong etc etc

i did a skin check and I became so anxious when she biopsied a lesion. My mind told me all the worse scenarios I could barely sleep or eat racing heart, sweaty, irritable so focused on the worst after 3 days I couldn't stand it and rang the clinic and said I was anxious the receptionist told me " normal biopsy"

similar thing happened a few months later with a breast check up They did some tests and I was so anxious waiting for results the gp prescribed medication to help.

i just think the worse possible scenario and leaving my children is just unimaginable to me.

i am going to see a physiologist soon to get some help.

mindfullness helped me a bit.

goodluck with yours. You are not alone! 😘

[demonblaster]

Hey Indi Knight & Lilly welcome 🙂

Yes a lot of us tend to think the worst don't we, maybe the mind preparing us.

And as in your skin biopsy, the hard part is the stress we endure when we don't know yet.

A blunt friend one time said "there's no point worrying about it until you know what's going on" True but ...

Though if we have something going on, then we have no choice, we then go through the motions of dealing with it all. I imagine it's depression doing it's best on us. If it sees an opportunity it siezes it.

Well done going to psychologist, Indi do you think you'd get benefit as well seeing a professional?

Best all

[Blythe]

I completely and totally understand. I have young children and have had severe anxiety about leaving them without a mother for the past couple of years. I had a friend who had a late cancer diagnosis (my age, no kids) and she passed away quite quickly. I developed severe health anxiety a few months after but it all revolves around dying and leaving my children.

It's very hard because I feel like I have to stay vigilant with my health and'catch it early' so what happened to my friend won't happen to me. And if I don't stay aware of my health, it'll be too late and it will be my 'fault' that my kids will grow up without me.

My fear revolves around cancer and only really around stuff that I feel like I can survive from if I catch it early enough.

The media is full of 'early detection' advice and it's so hard to manage when EVERYTHING feels like a symptom. Every twinge, freckle, change in my body...I go through phases of constant checking BC I 'can't' slacken off in case I miss something.

At the moment, I'm terrified I have bowel cancer and the anxiety is like trying to go about my normal day with a voice constantly in my ear, telling me to make the most of this BC I'm dying and my children will be forever sad.

I've seen a couple of psychologists and I have a very supportive GP but I actually don't see her that often BC I feel like such an IDIOT when I can't trust my instincts about my body anymore. I also feel as though if I go about one thing and it's nothing, when I DO have something, I will have used up her 'goodwill' on the nothing and I'll miss the something. As soon as I'm cleared of one cancer, I switch to something else. It's bloody exhausting. She's very practical and kind and listens to me but I feel so stupid for not being able to get over this.

I don't Google anymore - that's really helped BC before I would just search until I found the absolute worst case scenario for my 'symptoms'. Mindfulness helps to a certain extent as does CBT but I'm so tired of feeling this way. I've declined medication BC I feel like I can generally manage the anxiety symptoms themselves, it's my thought processes that I need help to change.

Sorry for the huge post - I just wanted to say that I understand what you're going through. x

I

[demonblaster]

Hi Indi all

Welcome Blythe ☺

Awful to be feeling that way for you all, You bought up good points

"The media is full of 'early detection' advice" True, good because these days early caught can often be cured.

"I don't Google anymore - that's really helped" Well done that's a positive start to getting control

"Mindfulness helps to a certain extent as does CBT" Cognitive behavioral therapy both worth looking into 👍

"I can generally manage the anxiety symptoms themselves" Ggod for you, what do you do to handle?

Depression I think is the base to most MH issues & anxiety branches off, if wrong ok, I'm learning to take control of our thinking pattern, its habit forming to be slammed with down thoughts, the beast masters it, we can change our habit to hearing thought but not accepting as truth.

Exercise is fantastic stress release to let some of the anxiety stress out, walking good, therapeutic & getting fit, being stronger helps the entire body mentally/physically

With persistence self effort, continued help & belief in yourselves I think you can settle these demons.

All very best ☺

[Lilly_olive]

Hi there blythe

sorry to hear about your health anxiety which sounds just like mine as I mentioned.

its like you finish worrying about one awfull disease then your brain finds another one to focus on! And yes you feel silly keep going to gp with "false alarms" incase they label you and a hypochondriac.

i think going threw loosing a friend in such a way would be really hard for you and make you understandably more worried too.

you should trying chatting to someone again with regards to your sadness over your friends passing.

also try to think that these things are very rare, and that if they even do happen there are many treatments out there these days anyway.

easier said than done I know.

good luck 😘

Lilly

[Swan_princess]

Hi Indi and Lilley,

I just wanted to say I feel exactly the same and second the 'you are not alone'. To the point of reviewing my will.

This fear is just one of the things leading me to cry to sleep for the last 4 nights. The other main recurring (just as of the last month) thing, that I expect will always hurt, is my miscarriage 2 years ago. Then feeling guilty for being sad about it because we have been blessed with a son. Which doesn't make sense because I'm scared of not being here for my son but at the same time old feelings of loss are coming up for the loss of another.

I know I should talk to my GP but I'm scared to open up. I try to talk to my husband but he doesn't know how to deal and I know he's doing his best but I end up feeling worse. I'm hoping opening up here will help towards taking the next step. Thanks for your posts