Family says I have anxiety, I don't think I do.

[JaiB]

So it's Vic public holiday home with the family and they decide to go out for breakfast, harmless right? Well as we drove around past several highly packed cafe's I said I can't be bothered and they passively aggressively said they would just eat at home. I'm not th first to do this. However they claim I always do it and I have social anxiety. I don't see it. My argument is if it takes me 20min to find a park then get seated and a 45min wait surrounded by people who all seem to be lining up fighting for who gets to give their money away first for over priced deli goods then their must be a better use of my time.
I understand being social is important but honestly what a joke.
There is some anxiety involved I guess just what I would call the norm, (you know being uncertain of what the he'll the barista just offered you or, looking up at the waiter as he newlines for your table just to turn away last second) but nothing I'm having an attack over.
Example: My wife will drop the kids at school go off for a coffee with another mum then head to Kmart grab something the kids need then home to social media for an hour before picking the kids up. When asked how her day was she says good! I would call it wasted nothing was contributed to our family house or community.
Help guys have I lost it?

[white knight]

Hi,

So the cafe was busy, lots of people right? Does that say to you that many other people dont mind enduring the wait and the busy environment to socialise and enjoy breakfast together?

See, I do know where you are coming from mostly. During my bout with anxiety way back in 1988 I had a dislike and impatience for what you are talking about. However, we cant judge how other people think and they likely want to endure the wait for the pleasure of mixing with others. It would have been fairer if you had said to them that you'll drop them off and when they ring you, you can pick them up.

Impatience isnt anxiety but disenchantment with the world is a problem.

I fixed my anxiety and disenchantment by moving to the country. It was important for me that when I visit a supermarket that I can find a parking spot easily, that the aisles arent chockers and I can see a doctor the day I ring for an appointment. That move fixed many of my issues.

So, its still worth pursuing through a GP whether you have some sort of anxiety or underlying issue. We have to take care of our mental health before it becomes a major problem.

TonyWK

[JaiB]

This is half the problem, at no stage Did I I cancel the event for everybody. I wouldn't do that, also this is the country. But I also am not happy with my family thinking that it's normal to line up and be treated like a hassle or chore by over worked wait staff. I'm of the opinion if you are paying for a service then the minimum you should get is prompt and friendly.
You are 100% right, my biggest jaw dropping moment was that people seem ok with it. I could of spent 2 hours of my time and been 1 coffee and 1 piece of banana breed better off (minus the money it cost of course). I know my problem is the time vs reward, no pub would ever make you wait that long for a beer? In my mind my (anxiety) is the style of the event not the actual event. Thank you for your reply Tony I do appreciate it.

[dReM]

I'm with you on this one JaiB!

But, I currently do have anxiety over going to work. So maybe I'm not the greatest source...

I need to start my own thread about my boss lying to me and my coworkers thinking I should just accept it and move on, but I believe we are allowed to have likes and dislikes (eg crowds or fancy coffee) and I think it is fine to expect to be treated in an acceptable and fair way (by wait staff, even if it is busy)

Is there a problem if you don't think you've missed out on anything?

[white knight]

Hi JaiB

I think the problem you have here is a very common one. I dont mean to be attacking you but it is very common for us to have a limit on how we cant extend ourselves to understand how others think and what they can tolerate.

Ok, so you are in the car and it is obvious you are giving out negative vibes on having breakfast at a cafe because of the crowds, wait times and lack of parking. However, others likely are thinking that those restrictions are ok. They take it in their stride that it is to be expected. In fact they are together and chatting in the car, the queues and at the table and that chatting is what is occupying 100% of their brain and that makes them happy. They arent thinking about what you are thinking. Hence their assumption (rightly or wrongly) that you have social anxiety. Impatience, social anxiety or other issues can be sorted out with professional help as you know and its worth pursuing.

I think my original point, of which I might not have expressed well, was that if you can identify that others are willing to tolerate the negatives and seem happy in each others company, then allow them to enjoy that and drop by later. Admittedly years ago I did this often, eg when my wife and her mother entered Kmart..."I'll see you both later I'm off to the auto shop/hardware/window shopping...." That wasnt much difference really - crowds, waiting, etc.

Finally another thing I've noticed when people criticise me when I'm intolerant is that with many intances of my intolerance its because I've "been there done that". Why would I be interested in going to a place I've already been? Females in particular can browse clothes on hangers in stores for hours...I look for my item and buy it then I'm gone.

Having been in your situation many times I think it is easily sorted. Find something to distract yourself or delay your attendance at the venue.

Please google

Beyondblue topic supermarket shelves

Beyondblue topic distraction and variety

I hope I've helped.

TonyWK