As I write this, Nobody knows your heart, from the Princess Mononoke soundtrack is playing on loop. This is the kind of thing I always think about when I am down. The psych asked me about my background and of course we got onto the topic of my childhood. I really hate talking about that. Having to fight the other kids all the time. Their parents encouraging it, because we were dirty foreigners. My mum not really caring(To be fair she had her own problems, she was a schizophrenic) When I tried ask for help, everyone just dismissed me and said I was putting on an act to be funny. Being bullied at school. Because I had to wear the same clothes every day. Always being malnourished. I was fighting back tears the whole time.
I am so much bigger and stronger then most of the people who gave me a hard time growing up. I have had fantasies about repaying them for their abuse. No, I won't do anything, don't worry. Although it is tempting. I thought I did okay, but then I was on the verge of tears two days later.
A part of me just wants to turn my back on the world. Just make a lot of money. Buy a massive piece of forested land. And go to sleep in the woods. Just live in the forest. God I would like that. It seems that nature and technology has been a better friend to me than society ever was.
All of your sorrow, grief and pain
Locked away in the forest of the night
Your secret heart belongs to the world
Of the things that sigh in the dark
Of the things that cry in the dark.
