Anxiety while driving

[Corn_L]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I am a shy introvert at my late 20s and was first suffered from social anxiety 6 years ago (that was pretty much the same time when I started learning to drive). I easily get anxious when I meet people who are loud-spoken or who show any impolite/disrespectful manners.

Few years ago, I failed my first driving test (I cried during the test as the examiner was loud-spoken. He didn't say anything disrespectful, but I felt really anxious because of his tone & voice). After that test, the examiner spent time talking to me and calming me down. He explained to me that was his natural voice, 'don't take it personal'. He also suggested me to try again in 2 weeks as I was close to passing the test. But I refused. I lost my confidence in driving. Then I completely stopped practicing for 2 years. I didn't tell anyone about the details of that test. It was too silly. I gave up just because someone did not talk gently to me.

In recent months, my social anxiety has got better (I felt worst during COVID lockdown). I had a thought that I should start practicing driving again. A co-worker of mine recommended an instructor to me. As of today, I have practiced with him for a month. Now I'm struggling with whether I should stop practicing, again because he is loud-spoken. Also, he often made subjective comments/criticism on me, my family, and my partner. For examples, he called me lazy and said he couldn't understand why my family & my partner didn't take the responsibility to teach me when I was younger (implying they are not good parents/partner). When I said I don't agree with him, he replied he was just joking. I know I may be too sensitive. I appreciate his driving skills. However, his attitude and his tone & voice made me feel sick at times. I can control myself not to cry in the car, but my heart rate reached 130 in the last lesson. Nothing special happened on the road, just normal traffic. I just feel anxious every time when he raises his voice. After each lesson, I keep thinking about the negative comments for hours and hours, I can't sleep at nite. Even on the following day, I still have those conversations in my head, no matter I am at work or at home. I cried for a while today and yesterday when I was by myself at home.

Thanks for reading my story. I hope to get some suggestions on how to deal with anxiety while driving and loud-spoken people. Thanks a lot!

[AverageAusGuy]

Hi Corn L,

I struggle with loud, rude, and disrespectful people also. I don't want to be around them and I tend to think way too much about what they say to me afterwards. I hold onto anything remotely critical they say towards me for a really long time. It flares up my anxiety and I have had panic attacks in the past because of it. I am even ashamed to say that I have lost friends and left social groups (with people who I really like) because of 1 or 2 loud, rude people who I didn't like being around.

I think the thing that I have learnt in my life though is that you will always encounter these types of people. I keep reminding myself that loud, rude people often have insecurities of their own that they are covering up. Also, sometimes people are just having a bad day or they aren't very socially intelligent so they put their foot in their mouth and say the wrong things. Don't take it too personally. The more experience you get with these types of people the less it will affect you.

My advice would be to change driving instructors to somebody with a softer approach. Definitely keep up your lessons though as getting your license will give you alot more freedom. Maybe speak to a psychologist about how to handle difficult people in the future.

I hope this helps

[Emmen]

Hi Corn L,

Welcome to the forums.

I've had a similar experience with driving. I had an instructor who was loud and kept scolding me - that was a decade ago. It made me so frazzled and I nearly knocked into someone crossing the road during one of my first lessons. With each lesson, his attitude eroded at my confidence until I decided I wasn't going to even take the test. On hindsight, I realise I could drive at that point and that not taking the test had been a waste of my lessons. But as it was, I seriously lacked confidence because of his attitude and that near accident (which on hindsight, happened because he as scolding me as I drove). I gave up driving for the next 10 years. Now, I've finally decided to start learning how to drive again with an instructor I know and honestly, with an instructor who understands me, it's really not that hard to learn driving.

I hope you know you're not alone in this situation. It's not your fault that any of this happened, and you aren't sensitive. It's important to get an instructor that is a match for you, and if the instructor doesn't work, try someone else. Don't let their attitude get in the way of you learning to drive - trust that you are capable. Ask people you know if they know of an instructor who is good and soft-spoken. You'll find someone and it'll get far easier.

Kindly,
M

[missep123]

Hi Corn L,

I have also felt social-anxiety and anxiety while driving, I was always worried if I did something wrong and if someone in another car would judge me, I wanted to be the 'perfect' driver. I was also very aware of everyone else on the road and nervous to change lanes. My first driving instructor was the same as you mentioned, I knew in my gut I didn't feel completely comfortable with him. I then tried again and got a new driving instructor who I felt so much more comfortable. Because of him I went for the test and now I am driving around comfortably! When I make little mistakes like accidentally hitting the curb I say 'oops' and laugh. I try to be gentle on myself.

I definitely relate to what you wrote and I wanted to let you know that we are here for you!

[Corn_L]

Hi everyone, thanks for all your responses. I haven't been checking on this post for a while. Here comes a little update.

I canceled my lessons with the loud-spoken instructor a few days after I made the initial post here. Coz I experienced emotional breakdown those days. A week later, I started browsing some other forums and youtube channels that are driving-related. And I started feeling better when I read people sharing their own driving experience (not about instructors but about the challenges they encountered as learners and how long they have been struggling).

After I felt better, I decided to book the on the road test (without having any more lessons). I didn't aim to pass the test, but to see whether I am as bad as my previous instructor described. It's the test day today. Surprisingly, I passed the test!

Of course, I am happy about my result, but I think my current emotion is quite complicated. I am happy as I have achieved a thing that I have been longing for, but I am also anxious about what is coming up, like whether I should get my own car / when I should start driving independently. A lot of questions are in my head. I think my family and friends are more excited than I am. Just feeling a bit weird right now.

[Corn_L]

Hi AverageAusGuy

Thanks for your advice.
I will try to look for instructors who are suitable for me.
Besides, handling difficult people seems a bigger issue in my life. I think I have lost the ability to judge whether someone is joking with a good intention or just being mean. My friends suggested that I can point out the issue directly when someone said something rude. But I just don't want to turn it into a debate or an argument. I find it exhausted to explain to someone how they upset me. I also worried about how other people think about me if I bring up an issue. Most of the time, I just hope the conversation with the loud-spoken people can be finished asap.

[Corn_L]

Hi M,

Thanks for your kind words. You are lucky to have such an understanding instructor. I hope I can find a good one soon. I wish you all the best in your driving.

[Corn_L]

Hi Missep123

Thanks for your sharing and encouragement. I do hope I can drive around comfortably like you someday. My heart rate still goes up high when I drive these days, but I will not give up.

[missep123]

Hi Corn L!

Congratulations! I can understand that from what you wrote that emotionally at the moment it is a confusing time. I am very proud of you though because that's a huge achievement.

I think for myself I have felt what you are feeling now and what made me feel better was to 'slow down my thoughts' or just think one step at a time. Passing the test is a very stressful thing, I think we forget sometimes that we don't need to always think about the next thing all the time (I am very guilty of this so I am speaking from personal experience).

How have you been feeling recently?