extreme guilt and overthinking

[greatoutdoors123]

Hi all,

Anyone have any tips for dealing with extreme guilt?

I have recently been thinking a lot about some mistakes I made at my old job. at the time I was very stressed that I would lose my job and covered up some mistakes I made. at the time I didn't think it would be a big deal but now 2 years later I remember and think "gosh that was not a good thing I did" and i can't help but keep beating myself up about them and overthinking them.

[smallwolf]

hi greatoutdoors123,

welcome to beyond blue.

you did not really say what did you or did not do. not that it might matter much as you keep thinking about it now. some people can lose a job for something minor, and feeling guilty for something you might have done is normal. remember that nobody is perfect - we all make mistakes.

the question is what you decide to do about it? are you able to talk to the people and perhaps apologise? do they know what happened? or what you did? what might happen if you opened up to them about what happened? or if you did not tell them, what is stopping you from accepting what you have done/did (and move onwards)?

as for any tips... you can google

psychology overcome guilt

and get a number of articles with information. unfortunately there are no easy answers to these matters. perhaps if someone told you this story, what you tell them to do?

and for what it is worth... i cannot tell you what to do. after all I would have made some decisions I would regret so would be hypocritical for me to get on the moral high ground. In a song from Ozzy and based on a bible verse, "if you think you are without sin, be the first to cast the stone".

Tim

[therising]

Hi greatoutdoors123

Guilt definitely has the power to tear us apart unless we try putting a different spin on it, a positive one.

Through my love of analysing words and redefining them, guilt had become one of those words for me to pick apart. Through this process, I came to see guilt as nothing more than a prompt, asking me 'Who do I want to be?' I then began to see it as a kind of signpost. Let me explain, as I try to set the scene:

Imagine you're in a forest type setting walking a particular path, one that finds you going against your nature for one reason or another. For some people, under certain circumstances, it is perhaps a little dark and maybe related to fear of some type. Suddenly, you come across a fork in the path. At the head of this fork is a signpost. We'll call this signpost 'Guilt'. Now, as you face guilt, you need to make a choice; which path are you going to take, the one which is a continuance of what goes against your nature or the one that leads you to your most authentic self?

I believe guilt is not there to make us suffer, I believe it is present in order to make us conscious of the choices we have. If I take the path that leads me to my most authentic self, I have no choice but to evolve from there. If I am left standing still, facing guilt, technically I am not making a conscious choice to move forward and evolve beyond what I have done in the past. Again, who do I want to be, the person who takes path A or path B?

When we are left standing still, facing guilt, this often happens because we've become busy recalling memories from the path we've been on.

So, if I was to ask you 'What does the new path (of enlightenment) look like to you?' what would be your answer? Is it a path that holds honesty, compassion, self-love, entirely new productive beliefs and so on? What do you imagine you would find yourself doing on that path? Remember, you can't look back, you can only move forward.

Take care

[Doolhof]

Hi greatoutdoors123,

You have received a couple of great responses here from Tim and therising, looking at grief from different angles.

Grief certainly can feel very controlling and can feel damaging as well. I like the explanation therising has provided. Also like Tim said, we all have issues that we could feel guilty over.

Do you feel like you could go back to your old place of employment to explain what you have done?

Have you actions hurt other people?

Can you write down on paper what you have done and consider how you could have acted differently, and how you will now act in the future?

Writing out issues can help you see them more clearly.

Would it help you to talk to someone from Life Line or Beyond Blue to help you get a better understanding of guilt and more importantly self forgiveness?

I'm sure many people here have felt guilt over issues. For me, the thing is to realise what I have done, fix it if I can, if not, then learn from it , try to find a sense of peace within, realise I made a mistake and move on. Not always easy. Sitting in guilt can be counter productive and destructive.

Wishing you all the best with this.

Cheers from Dools

[pat06]

Hi Greatoutdoors I too have been suffering guilt, shame, embarrassment for actions I have done. Not sure if your religious or not but I found when the feelings come I pray for forgiveness. I have only just found Christianity and its has helped me. I pray for forgiveness for my sin of ………….. and for the people I have hurt.

hope this helps

Pat