Eating anxiety

[EmeraldEmphasis]

For a year now, I have been avoiding eating dinner when I am at my boyfriends house. He still lives with his parents and his mum cooks. I get severe anxiety from simply her yelling out 'dinner time'. I used to eat dinner at the same time, then became vegetarian. And since then, despite still not being vegetarian I avoid eating with them. I will pretend to be feeling sick, literally anything to avoid having to go up to the dinner table. My boyfriends finally approached me asking whats wrong and that I have to eat dinner with them now and that 'it isn't a big ask'. I have tried to describe that I get anxiety around eating meals that other people have prepared etc and that sitting down at the table is a fear of mine. I sweat when I eat and then I become self conscious of my sweating with in turn makes me more anxious etc. I feel like they don't like me and when I do try and communicate like they don't want to listen. I don't feel comfortable telling my boyfriend that as he has said that they feel as though I don't like them. Which isn't the case and I don't want to put more pressure on the situation. I've created an issue out of nothing and know the guilt and anxiety will only continue to build up.

I just want a perspective on how I should go about making the issue not an issue anymore. I don't want to ruin my relationship with my boyfriends family forever.

Thanks guys!

[jess334]

Hi EmeraldEmphasis,

Welcome to the forums.

I get the same thing. When I am really anxious I can't even eat with my own family around the dinner table. I can just about mange it when it's buffet style and no-one watches me eat.

Can you talk to your boyfriends mum or dad and explain? I told my mum and now I just nibble on stuff. No-one comments on it.

The other thing to note is that the longer you avoid doing it the longer the anxiety will stick around. Maybe try eating small bits of food around them and gradually work up to a full meal. The more often you eat with them the less anxious you will get about it.

Have you spoken to a doctor about your anxiety? When anxiety is so bad that it affects how we are living our loves it is time to get help. Your doctor can refer you to a psychologist or a counsellor. Talking through your anxieties with someone can really help.

kind thoughts, Jess

[Doolhof]

Hi EmeraldEmphasis,

I too welcome you to the community here. Jess has responded to what you have written sharing her own experiences.

I'd like to also suggest you have a chat to your boyfriend's parents or his Mum at least. If chatting seems too difficult, maybe you could write what you are experiencing and show them.

How would you feel just sitting at the table having a drink with them to start with, then like Jess mentioned have something small to eat.

My food issues are a little different to you. Recently I have been diagnosed with Coeliac Disease which means I can't eat anything with gluten.

Going to some people's homes is a nightmare. Now I take my own food, usually it is something I can share with everyone. I don't care about the odd looks or comments I receive from some people. I am looking after myself.

Hopefully you can find ways to look after yourself and also find a way to fit in with your boyfriend's family.

Communication and explanation goes a long way.

Cheers from Dools