Does anyone else feel like they are 'delaying' a breakdown?

[Dogsarethebest]

Hi there,

i dont want to go into my big dark history but essentially I was on heavy medications for a decade through my teens/ early 20s. I did not find them effective. However- I know my brain is different from someone who has a healthy experience of life.

My boyfriend of 3.5years broke up with me just after Christmas. We lived together and I have been sortimg everything out. I'm working in a job where I'm sometimes expected to run someone else entire business on my own. I'm trying to move furniture, find housemates, keep the business running, keep my dog happy and not let anyone down.

I feel like I am so close to a breakdown and have been for weeks. I'm dealing with panic attacks and I'm smoking way more than I should- Im just trying to find some relief. Its like I'm just delaying a breakdown until its socially acceptable (I have no commitments) to do so. Has anyone ever felt like this? I'm getting desperate. I don't want to loose my job but I need some time to deal with everything that is going on.

[BballJ]

Hi Dogsarethebest,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. I am sorry to read what you are going through and the break up, it does sound like you have a lot on your plate at the moment.

I, personally have felt many times I'm on the verge of a breakdown but I try my hardest to hold it together, or try and talk about how I am feeling. You have made a good choice to post here and start talking, you are welcome to go into more detail if you like. I understand you were on medication but have you ever spoken to a psychologist about how you are feeling at all? Maybe it is worth it to try in this scenario?

Please, post back as much as you like, I am always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[geoff]

hello Dogsarethebest, when we have a b/g/friend life seems to on top of the world, however once we start to live together our world may change, simply because decisions have to be made on who does the shopping, cleaning, cooking etc and sometimes this is where the r/ship may break up so I'm sorry that you have parted ways with your b/friend.

To answer your question, it is possible to hold back a breakdown although it's a real struggle because you tend to forget to do something or you have slowed down considerably, don't make your lunch or don't even eat or in your situation smoking too much.

This is exactly what happened to me, I pretended most of the time that everything was OK when in fact I was just holding back, because when I was by myself I broke down, but then slowly had to do my work and it took me 10 times the amount of time to achieve anything.

I know how you are feeling so you need to contact your support groups, spend a bit of extra time with your dog, but you should contact your doctor because at the moment you are doing too much, and a break down is something that destroyed me years ago and certainly changed my life, so please get back to us. Geoff.

[Dogsarethebest]

Thank you both for replying. I have spoken to a psychologist but I don't currently have one. I find it hard to bond with psychologists and have been through a few in my time. Add to that the expense and the fact that it becomes just another thing I have to try and make happen in an already full schedule.

I tried calling beyondblue but I found the nature of our short conversation was just to refer me to local services. I tried the betterhelp app but I can't really afford to keep that as an ongoing payment and again, did not really bond with my counselor.

I do have wonderful friends and they are supportive. But they can't change the fact that I simply cant cope with everything that is expected of me right now. I firmly believe that a lot of my depression/anxiety (whilst anxiety is a life long condition for me) is situational. If only I could change my circumstances, I would be able to heal.

[BballJ]

Hi Dogsarethebest,

I understand everything you are saying. It is not easy at all. I think you are being as proactive as you can be about trying to find a solution. Like anything mental health related, so much is situational, things happen in our life and the struggles can ease up temporarily. When everything gets too much and the weight of world is on our shoulders that is when it all comes crashing back. The idea of psychologists isn't to try and fix the current issues but to work out why they are there in the first place. Have you ever truly bonded with your psychologist? In the fact you can sit there and tell them anything at all? Without being hesitant.

My best,

Jay

[blondguy]

Hi Dogsarethebest

Bballj and Geoff have great advice above

I have been in your situation many times and I remember the heart palpitations and the heavy smoking too

The psychologist word has been mentioned a few times above which is fine. I used to have ongoing chronic anxiety attacks for years until I started seeing my GP every 4 weeks. I take antidepressants and have done well in my senior corporate role while being medicated.....even with a low dose AD.

I think you are incredibly strong to have posted on the forums. You are a proactive person who is willing to heal as well. I know that seeing a psychologist can help..sometimes...but can I ask you if you have a GP that you have a reasonable relationship with? Their training where anxiety attacks are concerned has vastly improved since I was trying to get help back in the 1980's

I really hope you can post back...........and you are spot on....Dogs are the Best 🙂 I have nearly 3 decades in K9 rescue and re-housing and its been worth every moment

Currently have a rescued Chow Chow/German Shep Cross just for your info...65 kilo.....

My Kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Scotty2013]

Yes I'm so considerate I'd even put of having a BD. Funny how we are at times, worrying about timing, generally with myself I'm find my moods increase, sleep goes wake early then I get exhausted. I guess there is no right time though, and hope you can bounce back soon. Look after you.... It's not selfish , i tend to put ppl before myself.

[Bethie]

Hi

Yes i have put a breakdown on hold and probably will at some point again. Its a debate point between my phyc and i. She tells me off and i tell her I'll have the breakdown once everyone and everything is taken care of but right now i just have to much to deal with for it.

I care for my husband who must be 8 months ago had a accident resulting in retrograde amnesia and PTSD.

Me well I'm just standard. Bit of PTSD, anxiety and depression since a teen and am 47 now

I have reached a kinda halfway with my phyc. We argreed putting a movie on that will make me cry can help. It actually does. If i dont want to talk then my family just assume that yet again im crying over a movie.

When life is a bit in order then i have a long phone call with her about everything. She gave up on trying to get me into her office...