Depression/Anxiety

[Guest_47894528]

I have recently moved into my own place by myself, not something I wanted to do but was told to spread my wings.

For the first few weeks it was okay, but over the last 1-2 weeks I’ve been a mess. My anxiety has gone through the roof to the point I’m on medication, I’m lonely, my depression is back with a fury, I find no joy in anything other than leaving this place for hours everyday & I don’t know what to do.

I want to make my family proud that I’m doing well but I’m not. I’m struggling to do anything other than getting day to day & I would really appreciate some advice.
I’ve caused my family so much stress over the years I feel anxious & guilty about wanting to tell them I’m struggling. I’ve tried so hard & I will continue to but I’m really hitting a hard wall that’s affecting my daily life significantly.

Thanks in advance to anyone who replies

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life that involves both progress and a great sense of challenge. My heart goes out to you so much  ❤️

For people who don't struggle with inner dialogue in its many forms, I think living on their own can be relatively straight forward to a degree. For those who do face the challenges that come with inner dialogue, it can be a very different story. While it's been a very long time since I lived on my own, I still remember it as a time that felt like a form of torture in many ways. It amplified my depression at the time enormously. In hindsight, I'm able to make sense of why I struggled and suffered so much. To name just a handful of factors

• It can be a major challenge to not live with the people who are going to interrupt or distract us from the dialogue that comes from the stresser in us or the harsh and brutal inner critic in us or some other part of us that influences our mindset and feelings
• If the people we were living with were guides in some form, giving us a sense of direction and vision while helping to shed light on our struggles, we can suddenly feel a lack of guidance, clear vision and enlightenment 
• Living with others doesn't always make our lack of skills, abilities and strategies for life all that obvious (for one reason or another). It's not until we're faced with no choice but to begin to question 'Okay, what's missing? What is it I need to gain?' that the lack becomes painfully obvious

At an evolutionary time in our life, the challenges that come with such a time can really be incredibly brutal. They can feel mind altering, soul destroying and more, especially if we're someone who feels so deeply and intensely. If we're a sensitive (someone who has the ability to sense so much and so easily), the question becomes 'What am I sensing?'. I've found that often it's about sensing a lack and a need at the same time. For example, 'I can sense a lack of what interrupts my brutal inner critic and a need to find what does interrupt, override or silence it' or 'I can feel a lack of much needed guidance and direction and a need to now find a guide, now that I can easily sense what 'completely lost and alone' feels like'. If we're incredibly sensitive and can sense the emotions of others, sometimes it can also be about sensing the lack of the joy someone we lived with simply oozed on a daily basis or the lack of a sense of calm they brought to our everyday life. 

I believe (for a 'feeler' or 'sensitive') the question can become about 'How do I manage my ability to feel or sense, under the circumstances where I'm being forced to address and develop it in constructive ways?'. From my own experience, I'd say I can't always manage alone, without a guide, for how am I meant to come to my senses without someone showing me how to do what I've never done before? If one of your greatest guides in life is where you were living before you moved out, return to them as often as you feel the need for further guidance. Have them wonder with you as to what the struggles and much needed strategies are about, so you're not left wondering alone. Have them help you create a vision of the way forward, as opposed to having no vision. Have them help shed light on what, at the moment, feels so incredibly dark. It will be testing but try and gain a sense of who your best guides are, whether they be where you were living, amongst your friends or even here or maybe somewhere else. Test yourself to see who you feel they could be. If it helps, try going through a list of names of people you know and see which people give you a 'down' or 'neutral' feeling compared to those who give you an 'up' or 'rising' sensation. The 'up' ones will be those who have a tendency to raise you. ❤️