Constantly worrying about future and feeling sad and lonely since break-up

[SadANDlonely35]

I have been going through a difficult time recently with a lot of uncertainty, and being a bit of a control freak I haven't been coping with it very well. It seems like it's all hit me at once and I've been struggling with it and feeling lonely and sad. I am 35 and worry that I will never find someone, but at the same time I have unrealistic expectations and refuse to settle for anything less than amazing. I know that I have to change and lower my expectations since no-one (myself included) is perfect, but the thought of it gives me terrible anxiety. I just feel like I'd rather be single than in a relationship that isn't fulfilling in every way. I am obsessed with travelling as I feel like that's the only thing I have to look forward to, I always plan my holidays in advance so I can daydream and look forward to them - it's what keeps me excited, motivated and happy. I have been looking for a new housemate but have not had luck in finding anyone I'd be happy to live with as yet. I am hoping that just having someone living with me will make me feel less lonely.

My circumstances
• Five months ago I resigned from a job to travel for 2 months
• I was unemployed for 2 months and during this time I started dating someone AND my housemate of 9 months moved out shortly after.
• The day before I started the new job, the guy I was seeing broke up with me - this gave me serious physical anxiety even though I knew from the start that the relationship wouldn't last as there were a lot of deal breakers I straight away. As I was unsure about him from the start I didn't show much interest and as a result he ended things for which I'm actually very grateful for. However, it hurt like hell regardless of the fact that I didn't think we were a match and knew it wasn't going to last. The reason I chose not to end it is because it felt good to be in regular contact with someone who adored me and was very affectionate. I was selfish 😞
• It took me 2 months to land a new job and start working. The job I landed is only a short term contract and ends at the end of the year, meaning that I've been applying for jobs and will need to go through application rejections and the interview process all over again.
• The day before I started the new job, the guy I was seeing broke up with me - this gave me serious physical anxiety of chest tightening etc. This lasted for 2 weeks before it went away. However, the irrational worrying about the future kicked in and has been with me ever since.

[quirkywords]

SadANDlonely

Welcome to the forum. This is a caring, friendly and supportive place.

Breakups can hurt whether you are the person who breaks up or the person who breaks up or like you were the person who knew it was not a good match.

I worry about the future too, but I am trying to realise I can't predict the future and what will be will be.

I can understand after your experience with your relationship breakup, having been unemployed for a while and not having a new flatmate, you would worry about the future. It can be overwhelming if you try and solve all those issues at once rather than look at one at a time.

Are you seeing anyone about your anxiety?

There is information on this site about anxiety and how to cope as well as many threads , if you go the anxiety section in all posts, you may find threads that are helpful.

The ending of a relationship is final and can trigger other emotions and can have us doubting ourselves and wondering if we will be alone for some time.

Do you have a list of requirements for your potential flat mate ?

I can understand how important it is to have someone who is compatible as you will be sharing living space.

If someone fulfilled most of your important criteria but nit all of them would you consider choosing them.?

I am glad you enjoy travelling. I wonder have you ever suffered anxiety while travelling or on holidays?

I tend to ask questions so can help but if you feel uncomfortable don't answer a question.

Thanks for sharing your story

Quirky