i have posted about this once before, but I feel like I should post again because I have gotten so much worse.
I am constantly afraid someone in my family is going to die/go missing.
i find myself constantly thinking about it, often to the point of being unable to do anything else.
for example, the other day my mother was about half an hour late home from work, and yet I literally vomited because I was so worried about her. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I think I have gotten to the point of hysterics almost every night this week because someone hasn't come home when they said they would be. I do not want to lose anyone. I think that if I did, it would literally kill me. right now my 20 something year old brother is out late with friends, and I should be fine with that, right? however I'm sitting at my computer googling traffic accidents every few minutes just to make sure he's still alive. I can't take this anymore. It is impossible for me to go anywhere/have fun because I'm so worried someone will go missing. I think it has gotten worse now because recently my close friend lost her father as he went missing and was later found deceased. I guess I keep thinking, if that can happen to her, then surely it will happen to me? I also lost my dog a few weeks ago, and although trivial to some, the impact it has had on me is so much larger then I would like to admit. I keep thinking, If my dog has that effect on me, then how bad would it be if one of my family members went missing? I often think that if that happened, that it would be the final straw and i wouldn't be able to live anymore. I know people will think I'm being dramatic, and I am, but I can't help but feel so incredibly worried for everyone in my family . I just want to be able to live a normal life without panicking for just one day. but i can't help but feel that maybe today is the day that my life will be ruined. It's taken so much out of me recently, that I just can't find any joy in doing anything because I am constantly worried.
