Constantly overthinking all the time

Brad22 · ‎14-02-2018

Hi everyone,

I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for awhile. I'm 18 and have been dealing with it since I was in primary school. I always overthink everything in my life. I started a new job last month and I enjoy what I do and my work colleagues that I have met are great. I however have been over working myself without realising until yesterday when I couldn't go to work due an anxiety attack.

This isn't my first job and it isn't the first time it has happened. Ever since I started my new job, I have always had a thought that i would have an anxiety attack and now it's happened. I never took breaks during work because I was too afraid to stop working, thinking that I would start getting anxious, and since the job requires me to drive to places to complete my tasks, I just used driving as my break from work, even though it really isn't.

I have problems with food, which is unfortunately my worst enemy. If i could live without eating, i would. I always worry about what i eat, when i eat and where i eat as i dont want to feel sick when in a nervous or unknown situation. I thought I was eating enough when at work but I don't think I was as some times after a big day, I would feel weak and light headed. This could also be my mind being overworked but I have never felt what my mind feels when it's overworked since I always worry more about my stomach and whether I have enough energy.

Lately on the weekend, I have been feeling tired and lethargic. It was most noticeable last weekend just a couple of days before my anxiety attack.

I don't really have many hobbies or things I do in my spare time as I always want things that I want done to be done straight away. Even if it wouldn't be physically possible to do in 1 day or in a few hours, I would either try my hardest to finish it, or I would give up on it, or if it's important, I would start panicing until someone else comes and tells me it's ok to leave it which even then, sometimes that doesn't help as I will start to worry about it.

I take medication prescribed by my GP.. My mum suggested that we should visit my GP and either look at uping my dosage or trying a different medication. I feel my medication has helped but now I wonder if it's enough. I havent seen a psychologist for a while due to it being hard to get an appointment.

I don't really know what I need to do or what I will get from posting this here, but I just feel like I need to.

Thanks for reading.

Munro · ‎15-02-2018

Hi Brad. Im so glad you have your mum for support. She sounds wonderful that she is there for you. I have teenage children too and i can tell you , it can be a challenge for them to feel like they fit in. I think it would really be helpful to go back to your doctor to see if your meds may need adjusting and i think giving it another go seeing your specialist. I know time is a challenge but my dear, you are worth it. You sound like such a gentle caring young man in a world that certainly throws challenges at all of us. Is it possible for you to perhaps speak with a dietition about your food concerns? Sometimes having knowlegable persons giving you good advice can settle a lot of concerns. Eating well and sleeping well are vital for our health. I have battled depression and anxiety for many years and i do know now its not a great idea to try be a hero. I hope i can chat with more if you feel you want to reply. Take care.

romantic_thi3f · ‎15-02-2018

Hi Brad22,

Thanks for your post.

Gosh that's a bit of a handful! I'm sorry that you are struggling with this anxiety.

What was it like to write that all down? I kind of get the sense that maybe you don't talk about this much so I'm hoping that it was at least helpful to get it off your chest, even if you don't get what you're looking for here.

I do get what it's like to have anxiety and to have panic attacks, but by reading your post I'm not sure if your problems with food are tied in with the anxiety or they are separate altogether. Have you had these problems with food well before the panic attack - or is it just since the panic attack you're worried about how eating could contribute to the next one? Either or, it would be good to know.

Difficult part is though, if you're going to be sick, it probably wouldn't matter whether you ate or didn't ate (dry reaching is no fun) - and of course, not eating is going to make you more tired, lethargic and even dizzy. So it's a little bit of a catch 22.

I do think the psychologist would be the best way to go; is there a way that you can get in with someone else? Are you trying like a private psychologist or is there a headspace maybe you could go to?

The other thing that might help is this one - https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens/get-help/webchat-counselling/ You can talk to them on the phone or on web-chat, and have the same person to chat with each week/fortnight, so it could help! Forget that it says kids because it's up until the ages of 25.

Hopefully this gives you a little bit of direction, and I hope that you can get what you need from this site 🙂

Brad22 · ‎16-02-2018

Thankyou both for your replies!

I am doing much better today as I went to work yesterday which went better as the day progressed. My boss is really great and I like what I do, so I find it a little easier to manage my anxiety. I just have to learn that I don't know everything and that its ok to make mistakes. I am the type of person that wants to know everything about something right now. I think this comes from a fear of the unknown and the fear of making mistakes which leads to people being upset or frustrated with me. My mum told me my first day of school, I came home upset because i couldn't read or write yet haha.

I do find it sometimes challenging to tell people my issues because I hate putting my anxiety on others. I feel strongly how others can be affected by people's stress and I think that may have been one of the reasons I tipped over the edge, along with my poor health choices. My family suffers heavy with anxiety and while my mum is doing really well, I still always feel that I may be the reason why some day she might start to get strong anxiety. She always tells me to tell her whenever I have issues, and I do try to tell her, but sometimes I feel guilty when doing so.

My eating problems stem from my mum mostly. She has to watch what she eats and a lot of things don't agree with us. The only difference is that my mum tends to get headaches with bad foods, whereas I just tend to feel physically sick. The food I can eat changes depending on my current environment. I don't like eating around people i don't know, especially in public. At home I'm fine, because I feel safe and comfortable, unless there is someone in the home that I don't know, then I find it harder and I usually find a spot to eat away from people. I Also do this if I am somewhere I don't regularly go, then I try to eat privately, mostly outside as I find the fresh air and open space more comforting.

I really like to help people when I can. I have posted a couple of replies on this forum and I found it enjoyable and that it felt like it helped me as well.

Today, I notice that while I feel better and less anxious, my mind still feels like it going a million miles an hour. I'm constantly thinking about things and different thoughts constantly jump in and out of my concious. Not sure why this happens to be honest.

Thanks again and I wish you all well!

romantic_thi3f · ‎22-02-2018

Hey Brad22,

It's just about been a week since your last post and I just wanted to check up and see how things are going for you?

It sounds like the anxiety is a little better since your last post which is great yay! I love how you talked about 'accepting that you don't know anything and that it's okay to make mistakes'. This is gold. It sounds easy enough but it can be the hardest thing to do. I have an anxiety disorder so I know how very easy it can be to overthink and worry about the future.

What do you mean about the idea of putting your anxiety on others? Do you think that it stops you from reaching out? I can kind of understand not wanting to tell your mum, especially if she has anxiety; but on the other hand it's important to reach out so that you're not struggling alone with it all.

I'm wondering too if there are certain things you can try to help calm your mind a little? Even if it's not questioning your thoughts - just doing things that can help you relax, whether that's music, colouring, mindfulness, meditation, drawing, whatever. Often our brains get into this flight/fight mode so being able to literally calm yourself down can settle those racing thoughts too.

Hope you're doing well! 🙂