Constant comments on clothing and appearance making me anxious at work.

[John_Maia]

So first time poster,

Hi,

I am a 27yo female who works in a public high school as a nurse. I've held this position for just over a year. Let me start by saying i actually love this job. Its perfect for me. But about 3 months into the job, two office ladies began to comment on my outfits weekly, if not daily. Its usually just a snide remark like 'Aren't you cold in that little top' or 'you look like you going to the beach'. Some of the worse ones are 'Careful around the young boys in that outfit'. I have had Office dress code policies slipped under my door, policies that are for office staff and not me. On a 43 degree day I wore shorts and was made too feel like a was naked.

All of this has resulted in daily panic attacks about what to wear to work. I am terrified to walk through the office and pick up my keys or print something, because i'm afraid they will say something. I haven't been eating at work, avoiding going to the staff room, and feel scared every time someone walks into my office.

The thing is I am worried i'm being sensitive or overreacting. I've started wearing plain pants and t shirts to school but also being terrified of someone saying something to me.

Am I overreacting or am i actually being bullied.

Thanks to whoever reads this.

[Aaronsis]

Hey John_Maia

Firstly welcome, it is so wonderful you have reached out for some support and some clarity on this. I am going to let you know what I think and you can decide if it works for you.

Firstly I would chat to my manager, I would ask if they felt that they way you dressed for work was in any way inappropriate and get some clarity around this. I would also share with your manager the reason why you are asking this question and how it makes you feel.

Next I would act accordingly, if your manager says that your shirts are too small or your shorts and too short then once again, get some clarity on the length that is required and what tops are suitable for you to wear.

The only person who should comment to you on your outfit is your manager and this should be done in a private space if it is deemed to be inappropriate.

I would then take the time to walk into the office and with every ounce of me say to the ladies " I would greatly appreciate you not mentioning on a daily basis your opinions on my clothing, I find it offensive and if it continues I will assume you are bullying me and take this matter further, thank you for understanding"

It will take every ounce of courage to do this but they do not get to make you feel bad about yourself at work, ever, you take back the right to eat in the staff room and you do what you would normally like to do.

They essentially are bullying you and if in fact they do have an issue with what you are wearing they can take that up with your manager.

I think once you make it clear to them that you are not going to stand for these comments they will be suitably shocked and refrain from mentioning it again.

You stand up for you and as long as you are wearing clothing that is acceptable to your manager that is all that matters. They are mostly feeling bad about the way they look and it makes them feel good to bring you down.

Huge hugs to you and you go own your space and love your job.

Here if you need to chat some more

Sarah xxx

[John_Maia]

Thank you very much for your reply Sarah!

I have emailed my boss to line up a meeting, so i can get some clarity on what my dress code specifies. Currently i follow the teacher dress code in the school, but this woman has told me i'm office staff, and should dress as such.

Th next comment made i will try and muster all my courage to respond with how uncomfortable it makes me and that it needs to stop.

Thank you for you support.

Ihave always strived to wear clothing that is professional to my position. As a school nurse, i do a lot of walking, sitting on the ground, bending, ect. and need to dress comfortably for this. I am a bigger girl, therefore i get a lot of comments on my boobs being too prominent (cannot stop this despite already having a breast reduction), or my legs being on display.

I will try to stand up for myself but thank you so much!

[Aaronsis]

Hey John_Maia

I am so very pleased that you feel supported and have made a meeting with your manager, this is fantastic.

When you speak to him/her try to keep the emotion out of it and state the facts. Ask for some feedback from your manager on your attire and if it needs addressing.

I hope you can tell the ladies in the office to stop commenting and even if "they" believe you should be dressing like an "office worker" it is not for them to say. They can politely mind their own business.

I wish you every bit of strength and am here for you to chat and if you need a pep up before you talk to your manager or to those ladies, I will be here.

Huge hugs to you and I am so very proud of you for standing up and choosing you and your happiness.

Well done!

Oh and in other news...I am a bigger girl too.....doesn't make what they are saying OK....boobs or no boobs, they need to shhhh.

Hugs

Sarah

[Step_Twelve]

Great advice from Aaronsis. I just wanted to add that it's completely unacceptable to make those kind of snide comments in the workplace and no one has to put up with that. Actually, repeated comments on appearance can constitute harrassment and is illegal. It really bothers me when some office cultures normalise this type of thing, which is why I felt compelled to reply. I hope confronting the issue goes well for you - it's not an easy thing to do, so good on you!