Build up and release

[Indra]

Today has been a particularly sad day for me. The high and low roller coaster begins to feel like the norm. I saw my GP on Wednesday and he is still pushing for meds and I am still reluctant, mainly to do with my children. I have found myself constantly pushing away my fiancée and it is  usually with negativity. I constantly feel jealous or the need to check on him - sometimes I feel he gives me cause, other times it's just me. I know part of the reason was my ex husband cheated on me and there is always a fear it will happen again. He is not as interested in me as before - intimately and sometimes just in general. We don't have the easiest of lives to deal with but he knew about most of it when he signed on. I did have a moment though today when I felt enough was enough with me and told him that I  won't stress on what he is doing anymore and concentrate on me. I was surprised with the reaction. Small steps forward....

[Indra]

K,

I am a bit of a mess but am keeping it together for the kids 

No - he didn't say anything. His responses before hand were I don't know or he we leave and go for a walk. He never wanted to discuss anything. The only thing I can think of, that made all of this premeditated was that he had said he had somewhere to stay for a month or so. That made me realise then that he was planning to go all along. I do still think that he has met someone else - it was a matter of connecting the dots and I have been through this before. Think this will be a late night....

Indra

[HA1]

Stay strong Indra !

Yes it does sound a bit premeditated.  Just so you know, I have been through a partner walking out without a moments notice.  I will not dwell on it, but just saying so you understand.

Anything you want to share or say, I'll be here for the long haul tonight too.

Are the children asleep yet?  If they are, maybe you should rest your eyelids for a while to.

K

[Indra]

Thank you K and thank you for sharing. My little one has only just gone to sleep  (he is not a sleeper!) It's just starting to hit home a little as I guess it's the first night apart in 9 months. I think it maybe a coffee night tonight. Feel anxious and haven't eaten - par for the course at the moment. Tomorrow is a new day ☺

Indra 

[HA1]

Good morning Indra!

How was last night for you - did you get any sleep? 

Hopefully you are feeling a bit better today.

K

[Indra]

Hi K,

Not a lot of sleep last night. Today has been worse, have had to try and explain to my little one - it didn't go well. 

Today it is starting to sink in more and he contacted re collecting his stuff. It was very cold - but to be expected. 

A day at a time for now 

Indra

[HA1]

Hi Indra

How are you you coping?  I sense from other posts that you are doing it tough with the boys.  How was last night?

Did your partner come and get his stuff?  

Take care

K

[Indra]

Hi K,

Not to good at the moment. Not eating or sleeping much as well. My little man is constantly asking questions which is hard.

He picks up his belongings on Tuesday, so pins and needles until then. Not looking forward if I have to see him again. Starting to think of the future with mixed feelings and I know with what you said will be better off once he has gone for good. 

Thanks for checking on me x

Indra

[HA1]

Hi Indra

sorry to hear that you are still feeling so down. I can understand that you are not sleeping well at the moment, too much going through in your head.  But you must eat and stay healthy, this is soo important.  But you know that already.

I do hope you stay strong for when he returns on Tuesday.  I would be inclined to stay cool in front of him.  

How are the boys?

take care of yourself,

k

[Indra]

Hi K,

My little man is really starting to feel it at the moment - just trying to keep him distracted. My older son comes home tomorrow.

I am not going to be home when he collects his stuff - it's in the carport for him to pick up. It's just better that way - I am feeling to emotional to see him. I am going to be busy rearranging finances, lease and good old Centrelink in the morning so it will be good to be kept busy.

I have made myself eat today and I actually got some sleep - I think my body just gave in.

Thank you for caring about us.

Indra