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Breakup, Anxiety and Interstate Move

Community Member

About six weeks ago my partner of five years (on/ off again) decided to separate for good. We were both very upset (lots of crying/expression of love ) . I feel incredibly sad, unable to stop crying these last few weeks. I recently got a job offer (dream job) in another state. My ex and I were potentially planning on moving to this state together. 

I accepted the job, but am feeling so overwhelmed as I am moving away from family into a new state/city where I have never been and do not know anyone. Not to mention it's a move that really finalises/closes the door on my relationship with my ex. The past couple of weeks, I have felt such acute anxiety (especially at night). I know a certain level of anxiety is normal as moving somewhere new, away from your family is the 'unknown'. But this feels so amplified by the loss of the presence of my ex in my life. I feel utterly lost. Staying feels unbearable as there are so many memories here and I fear sliding into a stagnant state. And moving is terrifying as I know I will feel isolated and lonely for a bit of time. 

Has anyone ever moved interstate after a breakup? What helped you cope with feelings of loss, anxiety, loneliness? 

Thanks for reading. Xx

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Bee, welcome


I think it is not only brave of you for making the move (mind of enforced permanent separation) but it is also an opportunity- let me explain.


Distraction is one of the most powerful tools you can use to overcome grief. Sure, you'll fall in a heap often for some time but in a new city you'll have many things to see and do that the old home never had. So when you move start planning your trips to all the entertainment places and sites.


Your move doesnt have to be forever, a couple of years will open up a new life and even new love, some people like me need to fall in love again to put the last nail in the previous relationship, even dating will see you investigate other personalities and you might eventually get intrigued by a new romance.


I've been married 13 years and prior had 3 long term relationships none of which was easy to overcome being 7, 11, 10 years duration. Each one had the temptation to return to it but I knew the same situation of it not working would return. At the moment you might think you'll never fall in love again... with this experience you will know what you dont want in your next partner.


A partner, a spouse is nice... a soul mate is a better goal