Bought a puppy and anxiety took over

[Janie223]

Hi All,

For about a year now my family and I have been talking about getting a dog and I started doing lots of research. After much thinking and over thinking, last week we went to pick up a puppy from a breeder. 

I was really excited and so were the kids. On day two I started feeling sick about the choice we made and it got progressively worse to the point I became completely overwhelmed and shut down. 

I couldn’t eat, sleep, think clearly, perform normal daily tasks and cried non stop for days. We decided to return the puppy and the kids were pretty devastated. 

I am so disappointed with myself because I wanted this puppy for company, to keep me occupied while the kids are at school, to give me a challenge in the training and I was hoping I’d be able to develop more flexibility and loosen up a bit (I take life way too seriously). I think I put to much pressure on this puppy to meet so many of my needs that were really not realistic. 

Now I’m so regretful that I couldn’t stick it out longer and wait for the overwhelm to pass. I feel like I gave up too quickly. 

I know anxiety can make life difficult but I wish I could be care free and go with the flow like other people. So many people have dogs!! Why did I have to make such a big deal about it? The value I was hoping to develop and wanted most of all from the experience of being a dog owner, flexibility, was the value I was least able to demonstrate when the situation called for it. I couldn’t overcome the change to my life and became so rigid and frozen. 

[Guest_1055]

A big welcome to you. Since you feel regretful is it too late to go and get the puppy back? Or get another. Just think it's a great idea. Imagine the childrens faces when they see a puppy again. Sometimes we do make decisions in haste and from our feelings. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Jannie223,

A warm and caring welcome to our forums…

I am so sorry that you experienced so much anxiety with your new puppy….

Please don’t be too hard on yourself for returning the puppy…Puppies are hard work, o potty trying, teaching them to walk on the lead, what food is best for them, immunisation shots…the list goes on and on….I know because I have raised 2 puppies to adults and am now into my second year with an abused dog….I live alone with my 3 fur girls….around 14 months ago I had a huge vet bill as one of them shattered her knee joint…..to add to the list of looking after their daily needs…theirs also unexpected vet bills as well….and kennel fees if you want to holiday away from home…..Many people don’t consider these things when wanting a dog or any pet…

Thats okay Dear Jannie, you tried and that’s all anyone can do….maybe it’s just not the right time for you right now….

Please talk here anytime you feel up to it….We are here for you when we can be to support you the best we can…

My kindest thoughts Dear Jannie..

Grandy.

[Janie223]

Thanks Guest1055 for your support. One part of me thinks that a great idea and I wish I could but I am very worried I would have the same reaction. And it’s not really fair to anyone if that were to happen. I don’t think I could return the puppy a second time and what if I still don’t cope. 

[Janie223]

Thanks Grandy. Puppies are definitely full on but this one was lovely. He was such a sweet little thing and very gentle with the kids. The fault is all mine. 

maybe it wasn’t the right time. 

[blondguy]

Hey Janie223

Good on you for having the courage to post about your puppy. You are stronger than you think...seriously!

I understand what you are going through as I just had the same problem with trying to look after my daughter's German Shep after 3 days (with my anxiety issues)

Its not your fault Janie...You made a kind hearted decision by getting a puppy for the family...Thats a decision that was correct at that time Janie.

Anxiety can be cruel sometimes. I've been involved in K9 rescue for many years and it really annoyed me that I had difficulty looking after my daughter's 3 year old woofer a week ago. 

Just for myself it means that I am not ready yet due to recent life events..(My girlfriend/partner passed away a year ago at 52 and my beautiful Chow Chow/German Shep  20 months ago)

You are not alone Janie...Your health is paramount...You were spot on when you mentioned " maybe it wasn’t the right time" It wasnt..unfortunately. 

my kindest always

Paul

CC Online Volunteer

NB: Thankyou Grandy for your TLC for Janie and your proactive Woofer (K9 rescue) focus 

[therising]

Hi Janie223

Hope you don't mind if I touch on something I mentioned in regard to issues with social anxiety (in another thread). It's in regard to listening to different aspects of our self. Not sure if will be of any help but I found a fascinating read along these lines to be 'Insanely Gifted: Turn Your Demons Into Creative Rocket Fuel', by Jamie Catto. Catto's such an insightful guy with a great sense of humour. While he battled horribly with anxiety for most of his young life, to the point where it became deeply depressing and truly unbearable, he shares his experience and insight with those who also suffer. He's overcome a lot with great insight. His way of thinking considers that we're multi faceted in nature. So it's about learning how to manage our multiple facets.

I never gave the saying 'To be in 2 minds' all that much thought until the need to address it became a must. I imagine you can relate, given the situation with the puppy. On one hand there's the inner dialogue along the line of 'This is a brilliant idea' and on the other hand 'That was a horrible idea'. Naming the 2 minds can make things more understandable and manageable to some degree. On one hand you can be tapping into 'The problem solver' in you, hard at work with brilliant ideas (like getting the puppy) and on the other hand you can have 'The stresser' in you suddenly come to life, the part that finds it hard to cope under a variety of circumstances or leads to a sense of consciousness in regard to everything that could possibly go wrong. Whether anything does actually go wrong is a whole other matter.

The question may be 'What part of you manages the stresser?'. If there's no part that helps keep the reigns on, the stresser in us can definitely run completely wild. Another question could be 'What part of me do I need to bring to life, now more than ever?'. I guarantee there's a sage in you, ready to fully come to life. You may have heard hints of it in the past while under incredible stress. Can sound a little like 'Calm down. You need to calm down. Just breathe' or 'You need to stop imagining the worst'. Perhaps your inner sage may be insisting at this point 'You can have the puppy but you need to manage the stresser in you at the same time'. Whether we're dealing with the stresser in us, the problem solver, the analyst, the adventurer, the victim, the risk taker or some other aspect, each definitely has a feel to them and a dialogue of their own.

[Janie223]

This is such an interesting take on anxiety. To be honest, I have been thinking a lot about the idea of the ‘gut instinct’ and that feeling I get in so many different situations. Anxiety makes it really hard to decipher if the gut instinct is actually something to be listened to or whether it is actually anxiety kicking in. 

And this idea you’ve presented makes this less abstract. Naming the two ways of thinking is such a great way to identify what’s actually going on inside my head.

thanks for suggesting this. I’m going to google Jamie Catto to get some more information. 

[Red753285]

I think your reaction is very reasonable. Puppies are hard work and it's ok that you couldn't cope.

When you're ready to try again to introduce a dog to your family, you could consider adopting an adult dog that has been trained and has the temperament that is a perfect for you and your family?

People have to give up their pets for all sorts of reasons, there are many sweet and well behaved adult dogs waiting for their perfect owners at the RSPCA.

[Richju]

Dear Janie223,

For several years I have tried to differientiate between thoughts and gut feelings and I've only just discovered the difference (at 72 years!). If I'm wonering if it's a gut feeling - then it's not. Gut feelings come from the gut not from the head. When I have a real gut feeling I KNOW it's right. I cannot argue with it.

Also, when I have had real gut feelings, all anxiety stops. Anxiety comes from the head.

Learning to meditate has been really helpful in managing negative thoughts and tuning into intuition.

I hope this is helpful for you Janie.

Warmest regards,

Richju xxxxxx