Just quit my job due to anxiety

[Anxietyridden]

Hello. I have just quit a job after 2 days as my anxiety took over. I can't stop myself from thinking you can't do it, you are doing it wrong and people don't like me. My husband is ok with me not having a job but it makes me anxious as I don't want to put more pressure on him. I want to work but just can't handle it emotionally at the moment. I feel like a letdown and useless. I am going to see a counsellor to try and get help but I suppose I just wanted to see what other people think. Did I do the right thing quitting? 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

"Did I do the right thing quitting? "  I think you did the very best thing for you at the time. It is important not to compare, nor others to compare what was best for you then and this is the first rule of protecting yourself when you have anxiety along with low self esteem.... you are unique and your issues are yours precisely. Therefore who you discuss issues like this with could end up putting you down. Like my estranged mother used to say "you had a good job I dont know why you change jobs all the time"... coming from a person that never worked in the workplace, it seems a bit rich eh.

I have bipolar, depression etc, I've had around 90 jobs, 15 professions. I could never hold down a job until I worked for myself eg not around other people as I found most work colleagues are toxic. As a roving investigator running my own business I worked alone. Bliss.

So what I'm eluding to AR is that you might need to acknowledge that your anxiety and makeup doesnt fit in with the traditional 38 hour full time work with the same employees around you. What are the more ideal options?

• Work part time, even 2x part time jobs. This gives you variety. It also means just when someone begins irritating you, you are leaving to join a different environment.
• Accept your illness. Feeling useless and putting pressure on hubby isnt a good feeling but he doesnt seem to have unrealistic expectations, so do your best but you wont be doing yourself nor him any favours by subjecting yourself to a toxic workplace and over extending yourself.

Your low self esteem is something your councillor can indeed help you with. Plus if you work on this problem internally you can make inroads to improvement, it is all in the way in which you think, by swapping negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Once you master that you can move mountains because everything will be positive. You can attend motivation lectures, watch motivation videos. Google Prem Rawat Maharaji sunset... and many of his other videos like ALL Is Well and The Perfect Instrument.

I think your selection in seeking councelling and being honest is outstanding and you have the support of a good husband... these things are a blessing so you have good chances in improving yourself.  Be patient, life will get better because your attitude is good.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/motivation-search-and-rescue-it/td-p/38279

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

Reply anytime  TonyWK

[Janie223]

Hi AR,

I don’t have much advice to offer but I can really relate to your experience and have very similar thoughts myself.

You are doing what is best for you and getting some extra support from a counsellor sounds like a helpful idea. 

Take care and remember that our thoughts are not truth. Just thoughts. Sometimes very unhelpful thoughts but definitely not truth/fact. 

[therising]

Hi Anxietyridden

I've found 3 important key words for managing mental wellbeing to be 'under the circumstances'. These words can help us be much kinder to our self. If you can say 'Leaving that job was the best thing I could have done, under the circumstances', there's a need to better identify the circumstances.

I think if we're someone who has the ability to feel so much through our nervous system, creating ideal circumstances is key when it comes to the best way to manage our nervous system. A few examples of not the best circumstances

• Entering into a high stress job, where there's a lot to take in (to the point where we can feel the overload) is not the best when there's no way to effectively manage the work and overload
• Working with people who are highly triggering (whether they be customers or work colleagues) is not the best situation, especially if we're not geared to manage such people or our nervous system can't stand such people
• Dealing with a lot of stressors outside of the job can completely change the circumstances, to the point where there's no room for the job while all those stressors are in play

With that last one, I can relate. I've taken this year off work due to it all getting too much for me last year. While I've managed periods in depression over the last few decades, anxiety was a whole new ballgame for me last year. While my husband was a little worried about how we'd financially cope on one wage, I reassured him 'We've done it before (with me being a stay at home mum for some years) and we can do it again. Don't worry'. This year, my focus shifted to being able to manage a number of challenges without having to go out to work on top of that. The inner dialogue last year was incredibly tormenting while I struggled with the best course of action under the circumstances. That dialogue was along the lines of 'You should be able to cope with all this. Other people would be able to do it. Some people have no choice when it comes to managing this much stress. You can't resign, you'll appear weak to everyone. How will you survive without the extra income?'. While my inner critic, inner stresser and other such facets were having a field day in my head, it was my inner sage which eventually dictated 'You can't keep living this way, it's suffocating'. My inner sage was right, the anxiety was becoming breathtaking. At times I was struggling to breathe. Definitely not good for the nervous system or any other system in my body for that matter.

Maybe the question is 'What's the best job for you, under the circumstances?'. If you're in the position to do so, perhaps working on greater self understanding/self development could be the way for now, in the lead up to later. While self development is typically not seen as legitimate work it definitely is at times. Seeing a counselor is a constructive move in the business of 'Coming to better know and master our self'. Seriously tough business at times, that's for sure.

[Anxietyridden]

Thank you.

It is good to know that I am not the only one that has left their job and is in the same situation.

I am just so scared as I don't really know how to focus on myself because for the last 23 years it has been about the kids and the hubby. I have never really looked after myself. I have no hobbies or interests. I don't even watch movies.

Yesterday afternoon I felt great. I was thinking to myself "you are feeling ok, why can't you go to work" then I start looking at job ads and the anxiety starts again. I don't know why I do it to myself. I have no clue what I want to do and I am scared that even after I work out my issue I might still not want to work.

[Anxietyridden]

Thank you.

My hubby tells me no one else is thinking what you are thinking (ie I am useless/worthless) and I get that but it can be annoying because a lot of people just say don't overthink it. That is very hard for people like us to not overthink. When I left my job (I only lasted 1.5 days 😪) the lady that trained me said "so I wasted 2 days of my life training you, just don't worry about and go back to work" I said unless you have the same thoughts as me you will never understand why I am feeling the way I do.

It is hard to remember the thoughts aren't truth.

[Anxietyridden]

Thank you Tony,

I had a part time job for my job prior to this one but the workplace was very toxic as it was Grandmother, Daughter and Grand Daughter all working together and it got very personal at times which was very awkward.

The job I just quit was also part time but I only lasted 1.5 days. I thought I could handle it but I got so anxious I couldn't handle it anymore.

I am scared as I don't know how to focus on myself. And I have good days where I say to myself "see there is nothing wrong with. You don't know what you are doing. Go find yourself a job"

Hubby is extremely supportive I just feel so guilty sitting at home while he is working. It feels so wrong.

I am trying to be patient. I just want to be fixed so I can move on and be happy again.

[white knight]

Then therapy is the answer to alter and reduce your over active mind

TonyWK 

[Beaser]

Hi A.R.

I hope your feeling ok today.    

I left a job roughly 18 months ago due to it being a toxic culture that got too much for me.   Im 57 and i thought i would finish there and retire. 

Just know that sometimes you just have to do what is right for you and there is nothing wrong with that.  I took on a retail job for about months but that got too much for me.  Im now just doing a volunteer role at a district hospital  for a day a week and thats about right for me at the moment with my anxiety and depression. 

Please remember that there is nothing wrong with doing what you have to do for yourself. 

From my experience its best not too rush into anything . I hope you can be kind too yourself and remember why you had to do what you did with your previous job.  

Hope your day is a good one.  Always happy to talk more.      Brett.

[Anxietyridden]

Hello Brett,

I am feeling ok. Just a bit nervous. 

My problem is that it feels wrong that I am trying to look after myself. I don't know how to do that as I was married and had a baby at 22 years old. I have 3 kids and that has what I have been focusing on for the last 22 years. 

I have days where I feel fine and I think why can't I work? It is so weird to explain. I just have this urgency in me to have a job but I know I can't handle a job at the moment. I have extreme guilt and don't know how to just flip the switch and not worry about it.

I have no clue what I want to do for a job. I have only ever had desk jobs but I think I need to move on from that but what do I do? I am going to try Menulog for a bit and see how that goes otherwise I just have no clue. 

I am just really lost and scared at the moment.