Becoming more anxious after seeking outside guidance

[Clover9312]

Hi everyone, I'm struggling today and wasn't able to get out of bed. I have anxiety and I often second guess myself and overly seek guidance from other people instead of trusting myself. I'm embarrassed to say this, but I've reached out to a number of psychics over the years obviously to get answers and feel more hopeful about things. Not one of them has made an accurate future prediction. There is one of them who I've gone to see many times, and not one thing she has said has come true. However, she claims that predictions aren't always set in stone. She tends to give insights about current situations. For example, if I ask about someone at work she will say "I get the feeling that this person really values your presence and will be with you along the way whenever you need them". Things like that she will say really confidently and it's made me believe that she is able to read other people's thoughts, energies and opinions. I got a reading from her yesterday that has made my anxiety absolutely spiral. I asked her about my last relationship that ended. I felt like it was the healthiest relationship I had so far in my life, but we ultimately had different goals for the future. I told her the story and she dismissed the guy I was with as "immature" and that he had red flags because he was "immature" and wanted a "good time". All of this contrasts with how I perceived him and how I experienced him. It's made me really worried that she has some special intuitive abilities and she was able to read the situation and tell me how it REALLY was. Now I'm questioning everything - my ex, my ability to pick partners. I don't feel like I can chat to my ex about this, as I asked for some space because him wanting to be friends with me proved to be difficult for me. 

I felt safe with my ex and we both didn't want to have casual relationships. Her saying he wanted a "good time" feels shocking to me. 

My anxiety had improved at the start of this year and I was doing less overthinking and enjoying reading books more. Now I feel like I'm going into that overthinking mind again and I'm putting this woman on a pedestal, thinking she knows better. She is well known in our local community and has been in business for more than 10 years. My common sense tells me that a stack of tarot cards don't have the power to give someone the ability to "read" into a situation, but I'm also becoming terribly anxious about everything again. I feel like this is going to overpower my week.

[Croix]

Dear Clover9312~

Welcome back. I know you said you were becoming more anxious after receiving outside guidance, however I'm not sure 'guidance' is the right word.

I don't doubt after a session you are more anxious, however I feel this may be because in some ways it is easier to listen to other people's 's (calculated) opinions rahter than your own intuition and feelings -particularly if those opinions are in disagreement.

To be logical for a moment there may be two things to bear in mind. The first is this person has a 100% record of failure in predictions -which I presume come from thier own impression of your life.

And secondly an interview wiht such a peron is not a one-way thing, but they are normally very skilled in reading a person's weak points and playing on them. It may be important for you to see your ex as having faults to explain the breakup -so she provides them -even if wrong

From your reactions I'd say she may be entirely the wrong person to have intimate conversations with   and you will be happier and become more self-confident without them

May I ask if you have anyone in your life, family or a friend who cares about you tha you can discuss these matters with ?

Croix

[therising]

Hi Clover9312

You sound rather intuitive yourself, given your thoughts 'My common sense tells me that a stack of tarot cards don't have the power to give someone the ability to "read" into a situation...I feel like this is going to overpower my week'. A paid psychic's job is to get a sense of things, through what they see (clairvoyant), hear (clairaudient), feel (clairsentient) etc. You could say their 'common sense' is the sense or set of senses they rely on most. You mention what your common sense tells you. Trust it.

Over about 30 years, I've seen about 4 psychic mediums. A couple good and a couple questionable. The 4th is the guy I've come to rely on for guidance under certain circumstances. I see him probably once every few years or so, typically when I'm feeling completely and utterly lost and when I just can't get out of a depression I'm in. His advice is always mind altering in a positive way (it raises me within that depression) and that's why I've chosen him as one of my guides in life. Whether the guide we choose is a psychic medium, a friend, a therapist, a family member or someone else, only the best guides will raise us. Anyone who brings us down or leads us to stress is someone we could technically class as a depressing or stressful guide (to a degree). If the woman you saw is leading you to stress, it may be worth considering crossing her off the list of go to guides.

What most genuine psychics have in common is they're highly sensitive to what they see, hear, feel etc and at some point in their life they've had to learn to manage that. For example, a seer will need to learn how to stop seeing only the worst. A hearer will have to learn to manage hearing only the worst when it comes to the dialogue that comes to mind. A feeler will have to learn how to manage what they feel, whether that relates to what feels stressful, depressing, overwhelming etc. And because they have a tendency to feel for others too, they have to learn to develop a certain level of emotional detachment, otherwise the volume and frequency at which they feel can become too overwhelming.

Could this be the year for you to develop your own intuitive abilities? With the old concept of 'angel on one shoulder, devil on the other', is this the year to start learning to tap into the angelic side, reflected in inner dialogue? Could it be the year of learning how to see the way ahead, through your imagination, in more divine ways? And when it comes to feeling, how would you like to learn to feel?

[Clover9312]

Hi Croix and therising, thank you for getting back to me. 

Part of the problem I've been having is that I've spoken to multiple friends about this past relationship, not just psychics. A couple of friends thought he was "selfish" for wanting to be friends with me after our break up and to keep in touch. To be fair to him, he asked me what I was comfortable with. I thought I was comfortable catching up, but it took me a couple of months to realise that staying in touch was difficult for me. I take responsibility for that and for catching up with him for coffee twice. I told him I felt ok and then I realised I wasn't. It upsets me whenever people call him selfish, because I think he was genuine in his intentions, and he's listened to me and respected my wishes for me to step back from the friendship a bit. Then there's a part of me that questions everything - "Was he being selfish?" "Do I just not get it because I'm not as experienced in relationships like these friends are?" I'm more emotional and he's more logical. We wanted different things in life. He was able to cope with our break up better by being logical about things. I know he was sad, but my friends see his "logical" thinking as cold and hence, I think that's why they believe he has been selfish. 

This "psychic" doesn't actually communicate with guides like other people in her profession do. She relies on her "strong intuition". My biggest worry is that she does have these abilities. Logically, I don't see how she can read someone's energy or a situation, but I do worry that she was onto something. In the past, I felt like she was able to gauge situations in my life quite well, but I don't know if she was relying on common sense or even making things up and then they seemed to match what I was thinking. All I do know is that her predictions for future events definitely never panned out. There have been some comments about present situations that she hasn't been quite correct about as well. 

I just worry because she's been in business for over 20 years - does that mean she's onto something? There was a degree of immaturity to my past partner for sure, but not in a harmful way in my opinion. He had some stuff to work through I believe. However, I'm worried she's "read" into the situation and discovered something in her mind that I don't know. The word "red flag" came up. I was anxious all throughout the relationship not because he was doing anything wrong. I knew we always wanted different things, so I suppose we were both delaying the inevitable for some time. I would often become triggered because of a not so nice past relationship before him. I regret not being able to relax and enjoy the relationship more because of my anxiety that I know exists in a number of aspects of my life. But there is a part of me that worries that perhaps there was something wrong deep down that I couldn't put my finger on and maybe this psychic felt the same. I don't know what that would be, as I believe this guy cared about me. He was a reserved, introverted person, so he wasn't very expressive and out and about socialising. So I never looked at that as a red flag. 

I have support from a therapist and a family member, but I find it helpful to hear people's opinions here. Thank you very much.

[therising]

Hi Clover9312

With people's behaviour being open to interpretation, our friends may interpret our partner's behaviour based on their own experience with partners. Our parents may interpret our partner's behaviour based on what they want for us in a partner. A psychic may interpret our partner's behaviour based on what words simply come to mind for them (which could be open to further interpretation). We may interpret their behaviour based on our needs not being met in soulful ways perhaps (soul destroying behaviour). Our partner may interpret their own behaviours based on nothing but the truth or maybe they're not entirely conscious of their behaviours and the impact that comes with them. All interpretations can be different.

I'll offer you an example of what can be open to interpretation when it comes to my 18yo son. He's largely logical and somewhat emotionally detached at times. He's reserved to some degree, largely introverted and I have to push him to socialise more, even if it's just for the sake of skill development. He likes to serve himself in ways that bring him a sense of peace and satisfaction. Before I give you another side to him, I should mention he's been diagnosed as being at the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. As a highly sensitive person, he manages his sensitivities through what he finds logical. He will appear to be completely switched off from certain people, often based on how he feels their nature. He simply won't tolerate or make a connection with people he reads or feels as being judgemental or intolerable. This is a trait he developed after years of being bullied at school. Those he loves deeply he will love through laughter. While he's not a hugger, he's raised my spirits on many occasions where I've felt incredibly down. I feel embraced by him not through his arms but through his ability to lead me to joy. And while I've also felt raised by his sage like abilities, it's rare he'll share such abilities with people beyond those he trusts. I could go on with all his positive traits but the list is just too long. Those who don't know him as well as a few key people in his life do would choose to interpret his nature as 'Selfish'. Knowing him well, self focus is how he copes with or manages certain things. Now, with year 12 over, it's all about developing greater levels of self understanding and skill while helping him bring out more of the best in himself.

For all those who interpret your ex's nature, they could be right. He may be purely self serving. On the other hand, while you can relate to what they say to some degree, are you sensing there's more to him than this? Is your intuition stronger than the psychic's? Who knows?

[Clover9312]

Hi therising, I can't thank you enough for your reply. The first paragraph about different interpretations is excellent. Our relationship was only a few months and we focused on getting to know each other without bringing too many friends into the mix. I met one of his friends and he met a couple of mine (who thought he seemed like a nice guy). The friends who have called him "selfish" and "mean" for wanting to stay in contact with me never met him and I believe haven't had the greatest experiences in their relationships in the past. When I say he wanted to stay in touch, it was grabbing coffee and going to concerts. Things we only got to do twice after the break up until I realised it was too hard for me. He didn't realise it was hard for me and apologised when he saw that I was still taking the break up hard. He wasn't trying to engage in a physical relationship post-break up and as mentioned, he checked to see what I was comfortable with. I felt really valued by him and it saddens me that I've had to put a pause on a friendship. It's really so hard for me. He had been encouraging me to get out there and find someone who wants the same things as me long term, which I think is a lovely thing that he wants me to be happy, but I feel a sadness knowing that he's ok with me just finding someone else. 

He told me he had feelings for me when we were together, but just knew it couldn't go long term because of our long term differences. He had a feeling it just wouldn't work. Again, I was very emotional and he was trying to be more logical about the long run for us. That's not to say that he didn't look sad when we broke up. 

Thank you for sharing that about your son and opening up to me. You are absolutely right in your last paragraph when you say that I'm possibly sensing that there's more to him than pure selfishness. Your post re-affirmed that in many ways. I was drawn to him because he was kind and demonstrated loyalty, care and reliability. However, I also sensed in some ways that there was more too him and I say that with compassion. I'm not a doctor and it's not my place to say anything for certain, but I suppose I always had a hunch and it's stronger now, based on some things he told me and some things I observed. I feel like I dated enough people to know who was harmful for me and I do really feel that I experienced emotional safety with him and that he wasn't a "bad egg". Thank you for encouraging me to use that intuition. The "psychic" never met him and didn't see what I saw. She interpreted things from a one dimensional angle in my view, and as Croix said, she probably thought I wanted her to see him negatively and explain some "faults". It wasn't fair of her to call him immature - he really was one of the most intelligent people I had ever spoken to and he was always very transparent and reliable. He didn't hold a traditional job or work full time, but he still gave the small jobs he did all he had. He had a lot of great qualities. Sometimes he was a little blunt, but he never hurt my feelings. It was more of "huh. That's interesting that he said that!"

I'm trying to give myself some self-compassion for seeking out this psychic. It hasn't been an easy time - break ups are never easy! I will also remember to think twice before handing over my power to someone else. Thank you. 

[therising]

Hi Clover9312

It sounds like you now know the type of guy you're looking for. He's offered you a good example. He does sound mature, recognising your path together as a couple will inevitably separate as you go along, saving you both from the disappointment of that within a long term relationship some years in. My heartfelt wish for you is that a partner as caring and conscious comes into your life sooner rather than later. Whether this guy who wishes to be a friend remains an active friend and guide in your life in some way is something I imagine you'll come to choose in time.

The psychic I see on occasion actually began his career as a life coach, helping people in their day to day lives. Over time, he felt the growing need to become more so a coach for the soul. Advice for people would naturally come to mind for him from out of the blue and he'd just convey to them what came to mind (what he'd see or hear). The first time I ever met him he had me in tears with words that spoke deeply to me as I found myself in another depression, after having escaped the last one which had lasted for 15 years or so. Finding myself so heartbroken and lost, much of what he said to me involved advice when it came to walking my own path, as opposed to being ashamed of a new soulful sense of life I'd discovered. He said something along the lines of 'You've lost your way, the way you love, the way that feeds your soul. You've returned to paths of conformity, so that you won't be judged harshly and so that you'll be accepted. Now that you know you've lost your way, return to the path that serves you best and don't let anyone take you off it'. He also mentioned the importance of learning to 'wash off the mud and sh**' people insisted on throwing at me (for being a bit of a woo woo gal😁). On the way home from this experience, I found myself stopped at a red light. As I looked around, I spotted a billboard to my right and couldn't help but laugh in disbelief and amusement. It was an add for washing powder and in big letters was written 'Wash off the mud'. I love the magic of life. One of the things I truly love most about this guy (this guide in my life) is he won't degrade anyone in my life that tests me, he'll simply point out their purpose, their importance and the reason as to why I feel tested.

[1234567ABCD]

Hi there,

I am a sceptic but understand the desire for clarity. A lot of what "psychics" do is called cold-reading - being able to pick up on aspects about a person based on their apperance, body language etc.

Just because someone has been in business for a long time doesn't mean they are good at being a psychic - I'd argue it means they are good at reading people and at business. They are also often good at comming up with very general statements that could apply to anyone and mean various things. Another skill is to make statements they think you want to hear or that will keep you comming back.

I often feel protective of folks like us with complex health conditions (like anxiety) because there often aren't easy answers or cures in mainstream medicine. I think that leaves us vulnerable to those who wish to take advantage or us. As well as people who are well intentioned but perhaps ill-informed.

One of my fav podcasts is called oh no ross and carrie and they regularly investigate psychics.

You have experienced your life. You have experienced your emotions. Nobody can take that from you. Our unique internal lived experience is part of what makes us human. Makes us unique. I can never fully feel what you do or see things 100% through your eyes. That also makes life hard sometimes.

Is there a counsellor or friend you could talk to about your relationship? Someone who will respect your experience? 

Please don't be embarressed about seeking answers I think many people would love them - myself included.

it sounds like you have more insight than you give yourself credit for.

I hope this doesn't embarress you that is not my intention. Stay safe

[Clover9312]

Hi there, 

Thank you so much for all of your replies, the three of you have really made a difference to how I see this situation and I'm grateful the experience I had on the weekend hasn't created further anxiety for me like I thought it would. 

I agree 1234578ABCD - I was saying the same thing to a trusted family member. She has 20 years in the business and she has learnt to read people well and she knows what regular questions are popping up in her sessions. In fact, she often talks really fast during the reading and it appeared to me that maybe she had memorised some general statements. 

 I speak to a counsellor regularly and a trusted family member. Both have helped me so much through this break up and the ups and downs over the last few months. 

I think I need to also remember that as you say, we all have unique, internal, lived experiences. There's a part of me that feels ashamed of how long it's taking to get past this break up, when it's clear that he processed it already. I'm finding that really tough and that's why I couldn't continue to catch up with him. I also need to take credit for my insights as you say. You haven't embarrassed me, you've helped me. Thank you. 

[therising]

Hi Clover9312

Combined with your own insight, I'm so glad a variety of perspectives have felt inspirational in different ways. Sometimes I like to see certain challenges like a puzzle. Everyone holds the potential to offer a piece of the puzzle, eventually providing an overall picture.

Definitely hard sometimes, working out what a challenge can really be about. While others could manage the same challenge without too much trouble, I think we can be dealing with certain elements that don't make the challenge so straight forward. It's like while one person can have 'the philosopher' in them as an active facet, another person may have no hint of a philosopher in them. So, for the one who works from a philosophical perspective, they won't be able to make it through the challenge easily without developing a philosophical or sage-like way of seeing things. Another example can involve one person thriving on gaining a sense of greater self understanding, whereas another doesn't really care to gain such a thing. For the one who seeks to evolve through greater understanding the challenge can be bigger. There's the compulsion to gain and develop through greater insight, as opposed to simply moving through and beyond the challenge. So, for someone who thinks deeply and feels intensely, challenges can become so much more complex when it comes to moving through them. How to simply do things becomes a skill for such a person. Can definitely be a tough one to develop, that's for sure 😊