Asbestos OCD and Anxiety

[AnxietyHopeful]

Hey all, looking for some guidance and reassurance about an anxiety trigger I had. TL;DR at the bottom

I work for a retailer, and brought out a pallet of stock onto the store floor. I cut the cling wrap around the stock, and when I went to take it off, a lot of dust came flying off, which isn’t unusual

I saw what looked like white fluff/dust bunnies scattered on top, and threw the top layer of stock onto the floor, because I thought it was weird dust, and proceeded to fill the stock

But what set my anxiety off was seeing the white fluff/dust bunnies that had fallen in the middle of the pallet. And in that instance, I got the thought, “What if this was asbestos?”

I tried to put that thought in the back of my head, not knowing what asbestos even looked like at this point, only knowing it as some kind of dust. For reassurance, I showed the manager, who said they didn’t know what it was, whilst another employee even kicked it around a bit

And for a week after that, I was feeling ok. But that nagging thought of “What if? What if? What if?” just would not stop, until it all just came out and I started crying from the insatiable negative thoughts

I’ve since gotten advice from a different manager, who assured me chances are slim it was asbestos, but the obsessing over what it could have been just doesn’t want to stop

I’ve been to the Dr now, due to restlessness and dry gagging when the negative thoughts become too much, and I have a psych appointment soon. I do have OCD and have a family history of anxiety

And I thought I would share here for thoughts and opinions on my situation. Thank you for anyone taking the time to read

TL;DR saw white fluff, and thought, “Is this asbestos?”, and have been obsessing over what it could have been. Would like thoughts/opinions

[AnxietyHopeful]

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my post

I’m so glad I’m not alone with my thinking, because I too have those same kind of thoughts

That unknown pile of debris on by the footpath? Asbestos, so best cross the road, just to be sure. Overheard on the radio that perfume causes skin cancer? Don’t use perfume on skin, just to be sure. Saw some spots on one piece of clothing in the wash, and Googled that it might cause cancer? Best wash the entire load again, or better yet, don’t wear any of those clothes anymore

All these thoughts, doing our “reassurances”, not knowing that doing all these things build up in our heads over the years (and decades) and is actually not a good thing to do over time

Thank you for the advice, and I’ll try to set aside some worry time and see how I go. If you don’t mind me asking, how do you try to cope with your thoughts and worries outside of worry time?

[AnxietyHopeful]

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my post

I have come to terms with the fact that it’s my OCD that caused this whole episode

My own minds need for certainty, and the fact that it can’t find certainty - an OCD persons worst nightmare - is what is causing the anxiety, when in reality, we have to live with uncertainty no matter how uncomfortable that thought is to an OCD sufferer

If you don’t mind, can you please share some of the ways you’ve been able to cope with your own OCD and anxiety

[Guest_342]

Your examples ring true with me.

I don't find I need to allocate worry time anymore. The peak of my anxiety was 2011-2013, with a few little set backs at times since then. I needed medicine to help me get out of those thought cycles because I was so badly trapped in them. After that gave me the head space to consider things a little more rationally, but while those worries still nagged a bit, I found 'worry time' was quite useful. In the other times, outside of 'worry time', my thoughts still quite persistently nagged me, but what I tried to do when the worries nagged outside their scheduled appointment time was say to my thoughts (even audibly) "later, not now". There were times when they were so powerful and caught me at weak moments and I got into unscheduled thought cycles, but it takes persistence. I find OCD is all about habits - many of which we wish we didn't have, such as habits of circling thoughts repetitively, searching for clarity and solutions despite having already considered the evidence (or lack thereof) supporting the thought (e.g. "I must have hit a pedestrian because I drove through the intersection and didn't notice whether the light was green or red. It must have been red because there are now no cars behind me - meaning they stopped at the light. Oh, but I would have felt or heard a bump if I'd hit someone, and there's nothing in the news about it so I couldn't have. And I would've seen if there was a red light because my eyes WERE ON THE ROAD... [5 mins later] but it wouldn't necessarily make a sound if I hit someone, and WERE my eyes on the road?" OCD, as I've experienced, is about habits - particularly habits of unhelpful and repetitive thoughts. So, while Outside 'worry time' you might still have difficult thoughts nag at you, the aim I think is to tell them they're not welcome for now and that you will give them the attention they demand later at a time agreed by you. But doing this, I think it in a way will hopefully be a but if a circuit breaker and a change to your usual habits - over time, the habit of over thinking things throughout the day might diminish somewhat. Over time, you might get into this new habit and be stronger against those intrusive thoughts when it's not their time. And who knows, in time having 23.5 hours of your day not paying attention to unhelpful thoughts, they might lose their power and you might find you can do away with worry time all together.

It's not for everyone, but I liked the idea.

[geoff]

Hello AnxietyHopeful, sometimes OCD can be called the doubting disease because we need to have total control over everything in our lives, so there is no room for doubt or uncertainty and we always have this feeling of incompleteness, that's why we have to do things over and over just to be sure and once this is done we have some relief from this illness but it's only temporary.

Any other white fluffy material is going to create anxiety and then you'll start doing an obsession/compulsive habit to try and relieve this feeling.

This continuous need for certainty can creep its way into every aspect of someone suffering from this, and we know these rituals are not rational but are unable to stop ourselves from performing them because our need for certainty is too great.

Remember none of this is your fault, it's just trying to prove to another person who doesn't have it, why we are doing or having these thoughts because to them it's irrational.

I'll answer your question in a following reply.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hi AnxietyHopeful, I didn't want you to have to read a long reply, sorry.

Over the years my o/c (obsessions/compulsion/habits) change so much, some are dropped while others are started but when I move from one residence to another these habits stop and change to something else.

OCD sufferers pick a number, mine is 4, but that doesn't stop me from doing something 10 or 12 times as long as I count to 4, that's the number I have shown which satisfies my o/c.

When I was young I used to be teased, that's when I decided to hide everything I had to carry out and if I was ever caught out I would have a sensible reason why, that didn't happen much at all only when I was outside with someone in a new situation.

Please ask anything else you want.

Geoff.

[AnxietyHopeful]

Thank you again for taking the time to read and reply

Your examples ring true yet again, as I too have done many "rituals and reassurances" involving stoplights and being on the road. I've always known I've had some kind of OCD and anxiety due to my family history, but reading posts from fellow BB members such as yourself has really opened my eyes to the realities of this disorder we all share

I will take your advice of Worry Time to heart; you seem to have a lot of experience in dealing with this and I thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight

[AnxietyHopeful]

Thank you again for taking the time to read and reply. Please don't apologise for creating a long reply, any and all thoughts are welcome

You calling OCD the "Doubting Disease" is spot on; using my original post as an example, that nagging thought of "What if? What if? What if?", despite all logic and evidence pointing to a more innocent solution, my mind just won't stop asking because of that doubt, that insatiable need for reassurance. The mind of an OCD sufferer doesn't care about logic, it cares about certainty and being in control

Thank you and to all the other posters on this forum who have made me realise this

[geoff]

Hello AnxietyHopeful, how strong is this feeling 'what if, what if' if you suffer from OCD because our obsessions can change in how we feel and the severity does not respond to logic, it leads to possible threats and certainly a compelling need for certainty and control.

We aren't able to expect a possible outcome because it produces unwelcome thoughts, images, urges, worries or doubts that repeatedly appear in our mind to make us feel anxious, and those who don't have this illness may experience this occasionally but doesn't make them a sufferer, and they are able to identify the fear as irrational and dismiss it.

It is also exhausting if you have to struggle with this illness.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Petal22]

Hi Anxiety hopeful,

I also wanted to let you know I also use to want certainty........ but with my therapy I learned that nothing is 100 percent certain........ it was part of my cycle to want this.......

I learned to disengage in my cycle I now don’t look for certainty I never get that far in my cycle anymore...... yes some days my cycle can try to start up again but I now know not to get caught up in it .... I do my strategies instead....... we can learn to observe it......

I hope you are still meditating and practicing mindfulness.... you will learn to master your OCD.... 😊💪