Hi guys,
Its only been quite recently that ive somewhat come to terms that i may have anxiety/depression. A very close relative of mine has convinced me to go to the GP. I thought i would ask for some of your opinion before i go- i dont know if how im feeling is anxiety/depression or if im simply being over emotional and/or if this is just how life is.
Ive always found it very difficult to talk to people in large groups. I get a frog in my throat, i panic and everything shuts down- i freeze. The only thing thats going through my mind at this time would be thoughts of "Are they judging me", "what if i say something stupid", "they all hate me" etc. This has been my train of thought for the longest time i can remember. I avoid all social situations as possible unless it it with immediate family and friends. If im forced to go to a social event, i hide in the bathroom for as long as i can and to take myself out of that situation.
About a year ago this anxiety got worse and i felt like people were talking about me. Now i can see that maybe it was all in my head and coupled with my low self confidence and worth, not to mentioned insecure, i fell into a really bad place. I would wake up in the mornings, dreading getting and bed. When i at work, everything just seemed pointless. I would have breakdowns every lunch time and not know what was wrong. I mean, i come from a good family and have great friends, no hardships in my life, so what right do i have to feel like that? When it got worse, i simply handed in my resignation and walked away.
When i found a new job, it felt like i was in a better place. I still lacked confidence and had issues when it came to social gatherings. I felt flat but it was nothing compared to the low i had felt. Now, a year on, im back in this dark place. Every morning i wake up exhausted and not know why. I would have breakdowns everyday when im by myself and still not know why. It feels like i left my old job hoping that i felt the way i did because of the people there, but maybe its just me?
What i want to know is, is this normal? Is this just the bouts of life and i have to soldier on? Or is something i need to get help on? I guess i kind of feel like how im feeling is really important.
Any help/advise would be greatly appreciated.
L
