Are they judging me?

happyplace · ‎31-05-2015

Hi I'm a newbie so sorry if I get it wrong.

I have anxiety and OCD.

I see a phsycologist and it helps heaps but I struggle with the thought people are judging me. I'm always reading any sign I can from other people, I assume they think the worst of me and take everything to heart.

I find social situations very stressful which would surprise people as I always seem so outhoing but inside I'm worrying if I sound stupid or if I have offended somone or are they annoyed at me.

Anyond else feel like this ?

pipsy · ‎31-05-2015

Hi happyplace. How dreadful for you. Is your problem something you've grown up with? I used to be told by Narcissistic parents that I was useless (because I wasn't sport minded, still not). I was told I couldn't sing (I was in a choir for 2 years). I was unmercifully teased and tormented by a brother 5 years older. I am now 64 years old and for the past 20 years, thanks to heaps of counselling, I have managed to completely overcome most of my insecurities. The more you stress over what you may or may not have said, the more insecure you will become. Believe it or not, everyone has the same insecure feelings when they are first introduced to someone. As people get to know you, you'll find if they're upset by something you have said, they will gently let you know. Once you apologize, let it go. You will start to relax once you recognize the boundaries. It may take 2 or 3 times before you remember, but if you're not sure, be guided by the general conversation. We have a girl at our church who was complaining about being tired a couple of weeks ago. I jokingly suggested that she go home and have a rest. She was upset by this seemingly innocent remark (she thought I was slinging off). I apologized and nothing more was said. Her and I are as good as gold. You have feelings too and people will unknowingly say things to hurt you too. If you're honest and upfront without being nasty, you'll go far. If someone is still nasty, politely walk away. Don't waste time on negative people. There are many nice people around to befriend. A smile costs nothing and says volumes.

Hope this helps..

white knight · ‎31-05-2015

Hi HP, welcome

Please read my most recent thread called "festering issues or moving on" in the section 'staying well"

That might help you

Tony WK

Jacko777 · ‎31-05-2015

Hi happyplace,

I hope you don't mind if I paste a conversation here that I have been having in another thread...

In terms of what other people think of you, I have come to the belief that I have no idea what other people think of me. Regardless of what I think they are thinking they quite probably are thinking something completely different. So I choose not to lose energy to something I know nothing of. With practice this has worked for me. I try and stay focused on being true to my self, respond to life in ways that I expect of my self, it doesn't matter what other people do, that is a reflection of them, not me. The more I practice the more it becomes a mindset.

Some times we project our own thoughts on to others HP, it helps me to kind of step back in my mind and watch how the energy flows between myself and others, I try to find some awareness as to why I would be drawing energy, what part of me needs energy? I practice being true to my self, if someone doesn't like me, that's okay, we can part ways and move on.

Jack

happyplace · ‎01-06-2015

thank you Jacko777

I really found that helpful

I like the energy flow stuff as I do believe if you put it out there it comes back positive or negative.

I have woken up feeling better saluted the sun (no joke) and feel positive.

Glad to feel not alone in this so thank you.

happyplace · ‎01-06-2015

Thanks White Knight

I found your post really useful.

I have a couple of people in my life who tell me to move one or just get over it types and i was thinking they were really insensitive. I really like that perspective you give and I can see now that they are probably more of a useful friend to me anxiety wise in that way than the friends who let me indulge my over thinking/drama.

thank you its really helped

happyplace · ‎01-06-2015

Hi Pipsy

yes I did grow up with parents like that , I was never good enough.

I dyed my hair a different colour on the weekend and as great as it made me feel I coudnt really enjoy the new look as I joked to my husband that my mum is going to get cross and criticise me as she hates my hair light colored. My husband said you are 40 years old you need to stop worrying about what your mum thinks. So yes I guess it is deep ingrained.

I like your example of that girl at church , that would have been like me.

Your words are really helpful. Thank you for your words.

pipsy · ‎01-06-2015

happyface. Your husband is right when he says not to worry about your mum's opinion. However, having said that, it is easier for him to say it, than you to practise. I would suggest before you see your mum, tell her gently. I've dyed my hair. That's all she needs to know. If she asks what colour, tell her, wait and see. Your colour and style is up to you. As long as you and your husband are happy, that's all that matters. No matter what negative comment she may make about your hair, say gently, we like it. Leave it at that. If you want to 'spit' about what she may say, wait till you're away from her. Never let her know she's hurt you. I know how hard it is, but, with your mum, you have to be emotionally strong enough to know when to walk away. My MIL is narcissistic too and I've had to cut ties with her and chauvinistic FIL. My church has helped make me strong as has my faith.

It sounds like you have a wonderful supportive husband. Congrats.

happyplace · ‎02-06-2015

Thanks Pipsy.

Great words. I really appreciate you taking the time to help. Don't feel so alone in this when I can talk to people who understand.