Are these intrusive thoughts?

[MayBaby]

TW: mention of self harm and suicide

Hi all,

I (27) have been struggling with some thoughts for the last couple of years, but I am unsure if they are intrusive thoughts going by what I have read online.

Whenever I am stressed from work due to being afraid of making mistakes or remember something I am embarrassed about I get repetitive thoughts or images in my head. It began with the image of harming myself. The thing is I know I wouldn’t action these thoughts. It is more a feeling of my brain not being able to cope or accept what is happening in reality so it just goes into these thoughts automatically to think of something else. My understanding of intrusive thoughts is the person is afraid that they will action on their disturbing thoughts.

I feel these have been amplified in the last year working from home, almost as if I don’t have any co-workers or distractions around me blocking them out.

Some background on me: I feel like I may have had intrusive thoughts as a child/ teenager. I can remember as a kid watching my parents making me dinner as I thought they could poison me. In school if a teacher was physically close to me I would have to block out the thought of kissing them.

Aswell, I haven’t been diagnosed or anything but I am positive I have dermatillomania since I was younger, obsessively picking the skin of my fingertips when idle or stressed.

I guess I am just wondering if what I am experiencing now are intrusive thoughts and if I should get help for them. It just sounds a little different to how others feel when experiencing them.

thanks

[jumpyjellyfish-]

Hey MayBaby,

Welcome to the forums, glad you've reached out here we're all here to support you 🙂

I understand how tormenting intrusive thoughts can be as something I've been dealing with for a few years. In terms of whether or not something is an intrusive thought, an intrusive thought is a negative thought or image that enters your head and can be especially hard to shake. Most people experience intrusive thoughts from time to time but it sounds like they're affecting you a lot in which case there is no shame in seeking professional help.

If it's any consolation, I just had my first counselling session a couple of days ago where I was referred by the GP because of intrusive thoughts. It took a long time for me to recognise that I needed and actually deserved help but I'm so glad I now am receiving support, and hopefully this offers encouragement for you to reach out. Chances are, if something like that is concerning you it's worth getting help so that you can feel better. I would also add, you don't need a diagnosis such as PTSD or OCD to recieve help, (including a mental health care plan if you choose that path), if you are struggling and believe you would benefit from therapy.

Working from home understandably could heighten your intrusive thoughts, I've found that too that being on my own or not having something to keep my mind busy can cause them to be more frequent or for you to dwell more. Getting those thoughts off your mind basically needs you to acknowledge the thoughts and then let them pass and getting more comfortable with letting yourself feel ok with an intrusive thought so that it doesn't cause you distress or as much so. I know that can be annoying to here but being conscious of your thoughts is a good first step. What do you think?

Another thing worth mentioning is no one experiences intrusive thoughts in the same way and there are so many different factors that play into what kind of intrusive thoughts you get etc. that there is no set rules or generalisations that can be made really. Don't let that cause any more doubt, you are an individual in your personal experiences and even though what you're going through doesn't seem to fit the mould doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid.

I hope this encourages you to keep reaching out for the support that you deserve, stay strong and we're here for you whenever you want to talk. Hugs xx

[geoff]

Hello MayBaby, a warm welcome to the site.

Intrusive thoughts are a topic that's discussed on this site quite often, and deservedly so as I also have OCD and had it for a long time, and these can torment you with thoughts you can’t control, thoughts which go against your nature and are certainly combined with other obsessions or compulsions, such as, washing your hands, checking locks, lights etc and many other forms associated with this disorder.

There are some tests online you may want to see 'https://moodsmith.com/' or you could also copy and paste this in your search browser 'online help for intrusive thoughts', these may help you understand and although I can't say as I'm not a qualified doctor, I can certainly suggest that what you have told us, is it does seem as these are 'intrusive thoughts'.

Struggling with these either daily or in different circumstances is absolutely exhausting, scary and frightening, always asking yourself why, and why doesn't anybody else have them, well they do and you shouldn't feel ashamed at all, it's a disorder some of us have to cope with.

I'd be so interested in hearing back from you as well as jumpy jellyfish :-] and curious to know whether or not you have seemed any counselling in regards to this.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Amanda2000]

Hi MayBaby,

Working from home has done some unwanted things to my mind too. I'm a homebody & an introvert so I thought I would enjoy working from home. But the experience has not been so rosy.

In theory I should have more free-time available since I've saved the travel-time to-and-from the office. In reality, I find it hard to concentrate while working and then during my down-time, I can't even focus on watching tv. My head is often in a mess with lots of random thoughts/stupid worries.

I've suffered from contamination fears & ocd for years. In theory being at home should ease my fears given I'm not in contact with real-germs from the outside world. In reality I've been tormented by imaginary-germs inside my house. The rational side of my brain knows the germs (if any) are just my own germs which are harmless, but the irrational side keeps doubting whether I'm washing my hands thoroughly enough.

Also there's a tendency that as soon as I walk away from my computer/phone, someone at work would call me. Then I worry about the missed-calls, whether people think that I'm not really working.

I can totally relate to the thought of "eating poison" that you've described. Every time I eat, I have the fear of getting sick afterwards. I used to think "I was lucky last time that I was fine, but this time I might not be so lucky". Nowadays I'm able to fight off the negative thought by flipping it around and telling myself "I didn't have a problem last time so if I do get sick this time, it's just bad luck". At least it's a small win among the many issues I'm still dealing with.

You are not alone. Hope this can help you to feel better.

[Gambit87]

Hi MayBaby

welcome to the forums.

obviously not a doctor/psychologist, sounds like intrusive thoughts.

I to struggle with intrusive thoughts. My intrusive thoughts would always centre around harming myself and others people, including those I love. I would always fight these thoughts which would leave me so mentally exhausted and scared all the time.

Thankfully I started seeing a psychologist. She helped me recongise that these thoughts are just thoughts, acknowledge them and just let them go (easier said then done I know). I've learnt that reacting to the thoughts only make them stronger, which is why I was feeling so exhausted all the time and over time the less you react to them, the less they appear because your mind recognises them as fake news (I call my intrusive thoughts fake news). Ive also learnt that anxiety is usually the cause of my intrusive thoughts and the less anxious I am, the fewer intrusive thoughts I have.

Theres even some days I do not have an intrusive thought at all.

I cant recommend talking to a psychologist enough. Its easier said then done but they will be able to help you to develop strategies to deal with these thoughts.

[Amanda2000]

Hi Gambit87,

I like the way you've put it - fake news! Very helpful. Thanks.