anxious/depressive episode

[Guest_26450707]

i'm having the most exhausting time this past week, going in an out of anxious and depressive moods, with tiny blips of feeling "normal" or "excited" about life. right now, everything feels boring, bland, and pointless. all of the things i usually love are not making me feel good. i can't stop thinking about the purpose of anything in life, it feels like all of the normalcy that usually keeps me afloat has left my brain. just looking at objects in my bedroom/house make me feel anxious as well. my brain also keeps overanalysing everything, trying to convince me something is wrong when it isn't. the intensity keeps changing throughout the day: sometimes its really easy to fall asleep or i can have a good conversation with someone, other times i am completely consumed with the depressive/anxious symptoms, like right now. its making me so tired, i don't want to shower, eat, brush my teeth etc. i'm scared that i can't handle the challenges life throw at everyone- that i am too soft to handle any of it. 

[Psychdiaries2]

Hi there,

A warm welcome to the forums! It takes a lot of bravery to open up, and you did that so well done!

First of all, you are not ‘too soft’. You are stronger than you think. You are going through a difficult time right now and it is ok to feel anxious and depressed. It’s ok to not be ok right now. You are not alone. You have already done such a commendable thing by processing your emotions and reaching out for help. I think that’s a sign that you are handling this challenge well.

 A lot of people with mental health issues also struggle with doing basic tasks like how you mentioned having no motivation to brush your teeth. I felt the same way a few years ago when I was depressed, I even struggled to get out of bed. Something that helped me was telling someone I trust how I felt and then they would keep me accountable and remind me to do the task. For example, in lockdown my friend and I would FaceTime everyday and she always asked me if I had drank water and opened my blind! This really helped me to be reminded to look after myself.

I think keeping our emotions and struggles a secret just keeps you feeling stuck and ashamed. I promise you, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re all human beings and we all struggle. Do you have anyone in your life that you trust to talk to about this with? You could say “I haven’t been feeling myself and I feel overwhelmed with sadness”. I think you are describing symptoms of depression, and so I would also suggest speaking to a GP or psychologist about your experience for some professional support. 

As for you mentioning how the things you love aren’t making you feel good, I would recommend trying something new. I learned to play ukulele when I was struggling (to be fair, it’s a really easy instrument) and it was good to just try something new and eventually enjoy it. Choose whatever you want, that’s the good thing about hobbies. You could even go out for a walk. Exercise always makes me feel like I have accomplished something. 

I hope things get a bit lighter for you today and that you take care of yourself. Self-care and personal hygiene is so important and good for you. Keep reaching out, we’re always here to listen on the forums! 🙂

[therising]

A huge welcome to you 🤗 at a time in your life that feels so incredibly challenging in so many ways. 

One of my biggest triggers would have to be 'You need to toughen up'. It implies we're soft when the truth is we're sensitive. Not our fault we can sense a heck of a lot more than a lot of people, it actually points to an ability that can at times feel completely out of control. I've found it's not about 'toughening up', it's more so about how to master sensing like a pro. Btw, there are enough 'toughened up' or insensitive people out there, we don't want to be adding our self to the list.

As a 55yo gal, I'm still trying to master this sensitivity business. Can be one heck of a challenge at times and can come with a heck of a lot of emotions and questions. I've found it pays to have other sensitives around who can wonder or question with us in regard to what it is that we're actually sensing or feeling

• Physically: 'Is what I'm sensing a chemical deficiency?'. Having a dopamine gauge on the inside of our forearm that can tell us when our levels are too low would make life so much easier, 'Oh, so that's what I'm sensing, a lack of enough dopamine with which to feel happiness. It's actually down to depressing levels'. Maybe a cortisol gauge would be just as handy, 'My cortisol levels are in the red zone, no wonder my body feels like it's in a constant state of stressful hyperactivity, to the point where my heart's racing and I can hardly breathe'
• Mentally: 'Is what I'm sensing the impact of what I'm now becoming fully conscious of (something stressful or depressing)? Could I be feeling the impact of my inner dialogue perhaps? Maybe I'm sensing some outdated belief systems that are well and truly messing with me and have got to go'
• Soulful stuff: Does life have a bit of a 'Dark night of the soul' vibe to it? 'Has my life been somewhat soul destroying to some degree and it's only now that I'm starting to really feel it? Am I sensing the push for significant change in my life?'. On top of that, could I be starting to sense other people's emotions? Could I be a bit of an empath? 

Sometimes I think that when we're coming to our senses (a whole stack of them all at once), it can feel like a mental and emotional F5 tornado that is so enormous and so packed with energy that it feels like there's just no way of managing. We can be facing a sense of stress, a sense of obligation, a sense of sadness, a sense of this, that and everything else. While we may never have had to face the challenge in life of slowing everything down, the question becomes 'How do I do it?'. What we can be facing is a first time challenge of this nature. While everyone finds what works for them, personally, it's about finding a variety of things that work for you. I mention a variety of things because I find there is no one strategy that works for all things stressful or all things depressing. Developing a whole bag of tricks (strategies to work with) becomes a must. Perhaps this could become a whole new interest for you to start looking into, the quest for greater self understanding. Self compassion is a requirement on such a quest, as is the need to find a really good guide or set of guides on occasion (especially when we're feeling lost).

[trying_my_best]

Hi and welcome to the forums! 

I understand what you’re going through. I have had episodes such as these so many times, where I just feel numb and anxious with a few “normal” days mixed in. I found when I have gone through these stages that talking to someone you trust or a counsellor can really help! The best part is is that you’ve started that journey here in the forum! That shows that you are strong! Not everyone has the strength to speak out when they aren’t feeling their best! Please keep the momentum going and tell someone you love and trust! 

When the things I love aren’t making me feel good anymore, sometimes I try and find a new way of looking at it? Like for example, I love baking so when baking isn’t making me feel good sometimes I like to try a new recipe or bake with someone. Trying something new within the hobby may ignite a new interest in it! But it is also okay to take a break from the things you love too! I really liked the advice of PsychDiaries2, trying something new might be fun too, although I can understand that that can be hard when you’re feeling numb, and that it may be hard to choose new things to try. I have had my fair share of that. 

I hope that my experience can help you! 

I wish you well 🫶

[Guest_13552797]

I get your ive had the worse year and  never wanted to give up so bad in my life.   everyone police counsiller everyone keeps telling me just to something to distract yourself just move on its good you see the signs etc etc. yeah yeah it is... but it doesnt help my brain.  they gave me medication and sent me home.  refused for years to try medication I did this time, slept great and then woke up in the same sad depressed angry humilated state and pain... i cant cope and they wont help unless i have a plan to hurt myself.   its soooo  hard to deal with. 

[Mozaik]

Hello, thanks for opening up.

It's not easy anxiety, I suffer it everyday.

On good days, it's diluted, but you can feel anxiety's effects physically on your brain, with softer voices, and incremental good feelings make it lighter, but there's a slight physical cloud hanging over your frontal lobe, and on bad days, it's a rock in your gut with negative thoughts, catastrophising, flashes of worst case scenarios and a constant blood pooling in your brain is the physical feeling, and your neck and face feel hot.

That's when the darker thoughts start.

The best way I've found to deal with it, is to acknowledge what you're feeling, understand why you're feeling it, and allow it to pass through you.

Fighting it makes it worse, let it 'leak' away, because if you put a lid on it, it'll boil over.

Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. If you're at work, sit on the toilet and just let it pass...

You're not soft or weak. None of us who suffer these symptoms are.

These are biological, psychological defence and self preservation mechanisms, designed to keep us hyper aware about everything, and to avoid harm or perceived harm.

Most of the time, that's all it is, 'perceived' harms.

Try to let it pass, because if you fight it, or hold it in, I find that's when my paranoia might starts.

We're not weak or soft, there is nothing wrong with you or any of us.. absolutely nothing.

You are capable. You are alive, and you are a fighter, because if you weren't, you wouldn't be here right now.

Take it moment by moment.

Every hour is a new one...

You are strong, how do I know? Because if you weren't, you wouldn't be on this forum, sharing how you feel, feeling hope in the consolations of others.

You are strong.

[Daydreamer70]

Hi Guest_26450707, 

Before I begin i just want to start by saying you are not too soft to handle this. I promise you that. I have been in your exact situation, and had that exact same thought process. I believed i was not reslliant or strong enough to carry myself through tougher periods of life and it made me feel horrible about myself. Believe me when I say that though process is the anxious/fearful voice trying to keep you safe, but it is not truth.

My advice to you would be to speak with someone you trust, preferably face to face. If you dont have anyone directy in your life, a counsellor or psychologist is always a great option and i have found even just going a handful of times to be extremely beneficial.

If going face to face does not feel manageable, Beyond Blue has a free call service for counselling which you can access. The phone number is 1300 22 4636. You can call this line to speak with someone about your experience, free of charge whenever you like. 

Reaching out for help is one of the best things you can do. I know its the standard advice given and is the scariest to do, but it works. 

I deeply empathise with you on this experience as I have been through it myself and it feels all consuming but just know it gets better. Continue to reach out on here too for more support if you need, we are here to help. 

All the best, 

Daydreamer.