Anxious again, job hunting, family problems

[luft_]

Hello to all,

I was posting here earlier in the year and received some great help from people! Thanks to support from people on here, I gained the strength to make some really good changes to my life, and my partner and I's relationship has improved after having gotten to a pretty dark place. I had just lost someone in my family (in Nov) after a long battle with cancer, and I was really struggling.

Unfortunately now I feel my anxiety, lack of confidence is resurfacing again.

Some background: I have been running my own business, but effectively a freelance communications & political consultant, for the past 3 years. It has had its ups and downs. I have been looking for a while to return to paid work because my partner and I would like to buy an apartment in the next year, but have been struggling to find something. I am currently earning little money per week working on a freelance project, and I picked up some casual work in a bar which starts next week. It's about 1/3 of what I would be paid for hour normally, and I am too embarrassed to tell anyone, particularly my family. I have nothing against anyone working in hospitality, but I know my family will judge me and continue to think I am 'hopeless'. Last night at a party my sister even said I "don't really do anything during the week" which isn't true, simply because I work from home.

I feel like I probably have missed out on some learning whilst being in freelance work. Trying to return to the corporate game is daunting and have been trying for a month ever since I got back from my holiday (I climbed to Everest Base Camp!). Lots of recruiters I've met with think I'm quite bright and strategic, but I am terribly anxious about meeting with prospective employers, and I'm really scared to start a job and have it not work out.

Over the past 4 years I have had a number of things not work out, whereas some work has been fabulous. I have ADHD so work can be difficult, but I have been undergoing some therapy and training recently, which has helped. Nevertheless, I'm really worried that any new job will be hard, and I will perform badly. I am interviewing for a director level job next week, and will be glad if I get it because it will make paying off a mortgage a breeze, but part of me is still scared and would like something more junior, and less stressful, but everything more junior I have applied for I have been told I am overqualified.

Would appreciate anyone's advice in this!

Many thanks.

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi luft_, sounds like you have some anxiety which is stopping you from feeling confident about interviews and jobs. Congratulations on climbing Everest Base Camp (that's awesome!) and also going to therapy (also very awesome). The fact that when you apply for junior jobs and are told you're unqualified I think shows that you're definitely capable of having a more demanding job if that's what you want. You wont know how it will go unless you try - you don't know 100% for sure that you will find a new job hard and perform badly. If a new job is what you want go for it and just see what happens - I know that's easier said than done. I know you say that you're scared to have a new job not work out - but what if it does? There is a really good possibility that it will work out, and I think you'd much rather know than not know, or go for it than sit back and let this opportunity pass you by. You could also check in with a careers counsellor or something similar if you're not sure where you want to go next. I just want to say that you sound so articulate and thoughtful and I really believe in you! J.