anxious about war

Bookgirl · ‎13-02-2022

War is one of my triggers and all this Ukraine is stuff is sending me spiralling. I HATE IT. I wish the world could just be peaceful. After the last two years of covid and now this, i just can't take it. Feel so overwhelmed at the moment. Feel sick all the time. Worried about my son's future. I don't understand why this is going on now when you would think the human race would be over this crap by now. Covid seemed to bring people together and now its just fallen apart. I just want my son to grow up in peace.

Croix · ‎13-02-2022

Dear Bookgirl~

I can understand your fears about a war starting, it is a constant topic on the news and it is not something you or I can have any influence over. Actually that is why I don't watch the news that much.It breeds fear, stress and feelings of impotence.

I can also understand the desire to have my son live in a world at peace, some lucky generations mostly have.

However I'd also like him to be able to cope when things are not good, a war, Covid, or other more peronal things like job loss or relational breakdowns for example.

Although you have very real fears how you handle them them can effect both you and him. I know from your previos posts you have an anxiety condition and have been, I"m not sure about the moment, under medical care with prescriptions meds. Maybe a word to your doctor might help? Particularly if it is a matter of adjusting something.

So may I ask what coping mechanisms you have used in the past?

I would suggest you follow the advice of Quiettall who suggested things to take you mind off the things that worry you. Also maybe mine and try not to watch the news.

I do the same as Quiettall and have a number of distractions to hand to make my mind concentrate on something else, books, music, pets, walks, talking wiht friends and so on. I'm sure yours would be different.

It is difficult when very anxious about something to change mental tracks and think of these more pleasant things. I use a free app called Smiling Mind to break that chain of unhelpful and distressing thoughts and leave it clear to accept those distractions. It takes practice but is worth persevering with

https://www.smilingmind.com.au/smiling-mind-app

It might seem like I'm not really answering your worries directly, however when there are things outside we cannot change the best we can do is try to adapt ourselves to deal with them.

Does this seem to make sense?

Croix

Petal22 · ‎13-02-2022

Hi Bookgirl,

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand that this is difficult for you.

Please have a chat to your gp about the way you are feeling, you could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist who can help you with strategies.

Please feel free to call our friendly councillors at Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636.

white knight · ‎13-02-2022

Hi, welcome

Worry produces one thing only- stomach ulcers.

There is also a saying- "you shouldn't worry about issues out of your control"

All this is easier said than done but it is achievable usually with therapy. People with anxiety often worry so you are not alone.

Please google-

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

It will be worth a read of the first post.

Thanks for posting. Ps. Anxious people are good parents

TonyWK

missep123 · ‎14-02-2022

Hi Bookgirl,

I am so sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way. You are definitely not alone. It has been incredibly stressful for COVID and now what is happening with Ukraine.

I think it is really important as TonyWK has posted above that it is important to understand what is in your control and what is not in your control. I know it's easier said than done but the things we can't control is COVID and world issues i.e. Ukraine.

What we can control, little bits of happiness or connection in our daily lives. It really sounds like you are an amazing parent and you love your child very much. As a child when we have love and support it is amazing how resilient that can make us.

We are here for you!

Bookgirl · ‎14-02-2022

Thank you all for responding. I appreciate it. I am getting treatment still but obviously i have my triggers and when that happens i just fall apart. I do meditate and things which does help. I am on medication as well and have gotten something to help with panic attacks. Panic attacks are a relatively new thing for me and a joy all around. My son is very understanding. I have talked to him about my anxiety and he is always checking on me to see if i am ok - at 13 he is very emotionally aware. I don't watch the news at all and have taken it off all my social media but i do look for covid updates on line which is when i see it. I get caught in a cycle of not wanting to know and then wanting to know which makes me more anxious. Mornings are the worst but i figure if no one is talking about it on breakfast radio its ok. I know its the same for everyone and i get angry because i am not coping when everyone else seems to be and then i feel like i am failing my son by not being strong.

white knight · ‎14-02-2022

Hi

Re: I know its the same for everyone and i get angry because i am not coping when everyone else seems to be ..." You are likely correct there, people seem to be copig much better. One good reason for that is their concentration on their lives around them, their projects are always on their minds, hobbies, sports family communication and so on. This is what is their lives, their lives dont include such topics that are international because of the limited likelihood of war and that they cant make an input to prevent it.

I'd like to propose that this fear of a war eg Ukraine and Russia can be extended infinitely- eg starving African children, the homeless, bad debts, injured people and so on.

My therapist in 1988 said to me "Tony, when are you going to stop saving the world"? It really hit home that I was worrying so much it led to a panic attack. I was wrapped up in state politics so much that I was fighting corruption that was barely visible. He also said "Tony, you are a black and white person among 8 billion people of shades of grey". These sayings were his and they stuck with me for life. 33 years later I'm still saying them in my head to remind myself to stop worrying. Hence the links I supplied to you.

I hope it helps

TonyWK

Bookgirl · ‎14-02-2022

That is really good advice. My hubby tells me much the same. Just have to get my mind on board with it. It's come from my past i know and how i was brought up. I have been working on it but its so hard and ingrained.

Bookgirl · ‎17-02-2022

Haven't watched the news all week and was coping and just looked now and things are worse and now i feel like crap. I don't understand why people aren't working towards peace? I know i can't save the world. Just feel like everything is so out of control. I am just so so angry right now and scared and wish i could go home from work and just hide in my bed and never get up again.

Croix · ‎17-02-2022

Dear Bookgirl~

I know you feel pretty bad at the moment however I think your post is very encouraging, after all you did say:

Haven't watched the news all week and was coping

Which would seem to say that you have the capability to cope. It is only when you are stepping outside the sphere of the ordinary things around you that you can have some influence over that matters deteriorate.

It's probably not that simple, but maybe a starting point wiht the bonus of having a little confidence in yourself for having coped.

Croix