Anxiety, panic, and just coping.

[QldMouse]

Hi,

I know I'm not alone by any means (Thank you Beyond Blue) but somehow that knowledge does not help.

Trust me I've read a lot, been to a lot of therapy, made a lot of progress. But.

That awful feeling of panic, then stupidity sets in, irrational behaviour kicks into high gear, breath gets difficult, speech becomes impossible, and then the chest pain and headaches set in. In spite of wishing for the ground to open up and swallow me, it does not. I have to deal with my issues.

In spite of a desperate need to connect with people I drive them away, and run away myself. I am so tired of being an anxiety riddled social lepper. And I have so tried. Now out of visits on my mental health plan, and can't afford the therapy I need, what do people do?

Thank you all.

PS. to White Rose you lovely contributor, it is so nice to see your avatar but so sad to hear your news. I am thinking of you and so hope you recover and feel better very soon.

[White_Rose]

Hello Mouse

Just finished posting to the other person and saw your post. It is lovely to talk to you again but sad to learn you are still struggling. I have to go out to my volunteer job but thought I would drop you a brief line first.

Mary

[QldMouse]

Thank you, have a good day. I have to work now too. I owe, I owe, its off to work I go!!!

[White_Rose]

Hello Mouse

I am sad you are not managing too well. I thought when you stopped posting that life had become better for you but it seems not. When did you stop seeing the psychiatrist?

Your description of a panic attack is absolutely right. All those symptoms and feelings are so hard to handle. Afterwards the feeling of stupidity is almost as bad. When you were seeing the psych did she make any suggestions on how to manage these?

It's unfortunate you are out of mental health plan visits. How do you feel about seeing a counsellor from another organisation? Relationships Australia make minimal charges I believe. Depending where you live you may be able to access Anglicare services or the Salvation Army. Your GP may know more about what is available.

We do have a thoroughly human need to connect to people. It's hardwired into us. And that's what makes it so hard when we get scared or anxious about meeting people. It's the two-step shuffle. One step forward and one back. Where do you think is the best place to meet people? By that I mean where do you feel most comfortable generally. This may be a good place to start talking. I remember you said in your original thread that often your fellow workers would come and tell you their troubles. While that's not a direct help for you it can be practice in simply being there. Of course I am presuming you are still in the same job.

Is your daughter still around? I remember she was a great support for you. Perhaps you can talk to her. We all need someone who simply accepts us as we are. You said I know I'm not alone by any means (Thank you Beyond Blue) but somehow that knowledge does not help. I think that is right at times. It can be a comfort to know you are not the only person who feels this way but it's more helpful if you can talk to someone with a similar experience than simply 'know' others have it just as hard.

I think it's great that you are responding to other threads and can offer your experiences to others. So often we can help another and find it has helped us also. I know I certainly find this.

Here is a link to Anglicare services. https://betterrelationships.org.au/services/ Perhaps they can offer some help. I know they do not charge for their services.

Mary

[Doolhof]

Hello Mouse,

Like Mary, I am sorry to read that you are struggling and not knowing where to turn for help and assistance.

Hopefully reconnecting tot he forum may provide you with some sense of assistance, care and comfort while you try to locate assistance as well where you are living.

Panic attacks really are a weird experience aren't they! I'm not saying that I enjoy them at all, I just try hard not to put myself down after one, realising I have very little control over them. They can be extremely inconvenient at times. Well, maybe always!

That needing people and yet driving them away is a difficult situation to balance out. It can be so easy at times to misinterpret another person's actions as well.

Is there one thing you can work on this week to help you to reconnect with someone? Even if it is just smiling at a stranger on the street or saying hello to someone.

I saw on Facebook, there is a shop in Holland that now has a shopping counter set up especially for people to have a chat as they are purchasing their goods. The store also has a café area where they encourage people to gather and chat to one another. Talk about connectiveness!

You mentioned you have made a lot of progress. Congratulations on that. I know down days can pop in now and then. Hopefully you can recall some of what works for you and put those things into action.

Hope you manage to get through this day okay.

Cheers from Dools

[QldMouse]

Hi White Rose,

Sadly, it is a long story and I so hate long stories but I stopped seeing my old therapist over 15 months ago when she moved, changed jobs, life and got married. She still checks in on me from time to time which is so nice.

In the meantime, the rollercoaster has continued. That is life right. . The peaks and troughs feel like they have been taller and deeper this year, and trying to keep on a brave face and hold all the threads together while trying to keep all the balls in the air … you get the idea. But I have been making baby steps getting out with people, and really like it.

I’ve been bushwalking with a club and its mostly been fantastic. I had a horrible trip with one leader and am struggling to even be around her. It is a work in progress.

This years mental health plan was with another Psychologist, probably the most experienced yet and very easy to talk with, very understanding. But only 10 sessions are subsidised, and my financial situation is very tight, I can’t afford her ongoing.

Thank you so much for the links, I will check them out.

Take care.

[QldMouse]

Hi Doolhof,

it is lovely to see you too. Very interesting about the trends in Holland, I wonder if the café sells those special Dutch cookies from Amsterdam!!

I’m shocked at how bad the attack from two weeks ago was, trigger after trigger and compounded panic as my “flight mode” kicked in. Literally I was supposed to carpool but I drove about a 100km on my own in a very poor state of mind. Then the lady in charge said later “if you want to do your own thing then just go” and I drove 100km back feeling very isolated, sad and having a hypo. Not good.

Fortunately I had two very excellent bushwalks on the weekend just past, which had restored my faith a lot. But then back into the work week and facing life has been a challenge. And it is only Tuesday.

The journey continues, one foot step at a time.

Thank you and take care.

[BoltRog]

Wanna be friends? Haha we can be social leppers together.

BoltRog

[White_Rose]

Hello Mouse

I am so pleased you are managing baby steps. I think that's the best way to go although it is frustrating at times. It's a bit like learning to drive. Feet, hands and brain get tangled up and what looks easy in a competent driver is a whole new ballgame for the learner.

I am sorry you lost your psych as you got on well with her and made good progress. I can also understand the cost involved. As you are still working your Medicare safety net provision does not kick in until you have accrued $2133 in out of pocket expenses. Keep up to date by looking at the Medicare web page. I understand you can access a few more sessions aft you have used up the ten sessions. Check with Medicare or your doctor.

Exercise is great for addressing mental illness. Bush walking sounds far more enjoyable than walking round the streets or going to the gym. It's great you have people to walk with. So pleased you have received posts from two other people here.

I am falling asleep again. Haematologist tells me I am short of B12. Not sure how many injections I need, how often do I have them and who is going to give them to me. My GP gave me the second shot today and will do so again next week. Oh joy. At the moment I fall asleep in the middle of doing anything. Not a good look so I am hoping the B12 will do the trick. I need some sleep. It's 12:30 am when all good people are safely tucked in theory. Do you have any thoughts on Henry.

Love,

Mary

[White_Rose]

Hello Mouse

I have just read my post and feel quite shocked. I have no idea who Henry is and I think I must have written this in my sleep. How very disconcerting. I think I had best not post late at night. Oh my word, I do feel silly.

Mary