Anxiety mixed with purpose in life

[Arnold26]

Hi there.
I will try to write down all my nightmare shortly.

So Im a 29 year old guy and struggling to find some meaning in life. Four years ago I moved to Australia and been trying really hard to settle in, create something nice for the future. This time I thought I will make it,I will get a good grip of life,I will find out what I have to do while on this earth, I will create myself.. But time flies fast and here I am, almost 30 years old.. Still with the same questions every day, every hour of my life.. But the worst thing here is the anxiety because of all those questions. Its really hard to describe.. Usually I can feel it pretty much all the time and it drains me quickly. I want to sleep after couple hours after im awake, hard to concentrate. The worst anxiety is in the morning and it wakes me up early. And then it hits the hardest.. all those thoughts about my life,of what I supposed to be done till now, career path to which I supposed to chose years ago just goes as an auto pilot.. And after I get out of bed every morning - I am the same person without passion,direction or plans for the future.
And oh my... I tried many things to calm myself down and listen.. Even vipassana retreats, meditations etc..I thought I need to go deeper into myself and maybe I will learn and understand something or at least will reduce anxiety. Eventually nothing worked out And I always came back to where I was.

And nowadays its so hard to be interested into something for a long periods of time. If theres a sparkle of motivation and interest to begin something - it fades away quickly.

Probably for some of you I sound like a child who never had a real problems. But its just a tiny piece of mind. Everything is much darker and more painful. Ive been diagnosed GAD,depression etc but i try not to concentrate on those things. Im really an active person,have some hobies,trying to help fellow humans as much as I can and do good things in life. And meantime im trying to hold that negativity and pain for myself that would not affect people around me.

And all this tragedy began about 8 years ago. Ive been thinking to go for a therapy which costs hell of a money and not sure if it would help.. to cry and whine for an hour to a stranger for 200 bucks while probably he pretends he’s care and eventually will pump you up with a happy pills.. I tried to help myself but it seems to me that Im not gonna make it. And every day this pitiful existence becomes even more agonising.

[Birdy77]

Hello Arnold26,

I will start by saying i have no answers for you, I'm sorry.

But i just wanted to say I'm glad you've come here.

I completely understand the feelings you've written about.

Sorry to say that i am still gaving thise those feelings and I'm a decade older than you are.

There is this thing that i am focussing on lately in my thoughts and meditation, and that is that suffering occurs because we are not accepting life *as it actually is*. We are wanting life to be different from what it is.

In my case, very true. But when i practice mindfulness, being truly in the moment, in my kife, *as it is* that is when, and the only time i find joy. When i take myself out of the moment and look at my life as whole, i feel disappointment and all sorts of other bad stuff.

It's great you've come here and i hope you feel safe and comfortable to talk and express yourself and grow.

Welcome.

🌻birdy

[jess_b]

Hey Arnold26,

First of all, thank you for reaching out and expressing how you are feeling because trust me a lot more people thank you think are feeling this exact way, including myself, I am 26 and still trying to figure out where my passion lies and where I fit into this world and as daunting as it seems sometimes there is no timeline! As much as we imagine that there is some magical timeline that everyone must abide by and we all must arrive there at the same time, it’s not true. We are here to live our lives at our own pace and in a way that suits us, sometimes we compare ourselves to those around us as if we should have it figured out, it’s never too late to figure it out, to try something different, to travel somewhere, meet someone it’s all in the future and that’s what makes it so exciting, in 5 years time you could be in a completely different job, house, relationship, country, the opportunity is endless this is the magic. My advise for you is never stop trying to figure it out no matter how hard it gets, the hard work will pay off! I have faith you will stumble upon your purpose and live a life of abundance, please believe that for yourself also.
I need to take a page out of my own book and practice this mentality daily and each time I do I feel myself getting a step closer to the answer!
I wish you all the best

let me know how you are going

best wishes,

jb

[Anxoid]

Wow, your story is so similar to mine. Im in a particularly bad way at the moment, and looking at therapy, but its expensive.

There are ways to get rebates though. I think having a healthcare card helps with that.

Can anyone explain how rebates work?

[PuzzlePie]

Medicare pays for 10 psychologist appointments per year. You need to go to your GP first to get a mental health treatment plan. More information is available on the Human Services website.