Anxiety makes me doubt my relationship

[Beaniegirl]

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years and he is my best friend, I can't imagine a future with anyone but him. We have had some difficulties in our relationship in the last few years and while I feel that we are past that now, my anxiety is causing me to question our relationship, doubt how he feels about me and worry that we aren't going to last.

Logically I know that these thoughts are my anxiety speaking and not my true thoughts, as I don't think this way when I'm not feeling anxious. However, I'm worried about the effect this could have on my relationship, as my boyfriend is quite sensitive emotionally and he can take on my negative feelings when I'm anxious and feel sad himself. This makes me feel like a burden to him and worry that one day he will feel that it's too hard to deal with me and my issues and leave me. I've talked to him about these fears and he assures me that this will not happen but I'm so scared. I also worry that friends and family I've spoken to about this just think that our relationship is the cause of these feelings and that I should leave, but I absolutely do not want to do that.

I've started speaking to a counsellor and really hope I can learn how to manage my anxiety, as I don't want it to ruin my relationship. I want my relationship to go back to being my safe, happy place where I don't overthink and misinterpret every little thing as a sign that my boyfriend is going to leave me. I want to trust in the love we have for each other and ignore those horrible thoughts in my head.

[ecomama]

Hi Beaniegirl

Welcome to the forums and I hope you feel supported by everyone here.

It's a really positive thing that you've decided to see a counsellor to talk through some of your concerns.
That's great!

It's an interesting point you made that you feel it's your anxiety making you question things about your relationship yet your family think it's the relationship making you feel anxious and questioning...

Why would your family think this way? Can you expand on this please?

Also do you feel anxious about other relationships in your life eg with family members or friends or work colleagues? Or is it ONLY your intimate relationship with bf?

Do you think perhaps after the "problems" over the past few years that you may not trust bf like you once did?

Oh gosh I'm full of questions sorry.... you definitely don't have to answer any of them but it would help us support you better if we found out more about things..

Do you guys live together?

Remember this is safe place to share and your anonymity is guaranteed by BB and the moderators.

Welcome again and I hope you come back to share more soon!

Best wishes
EM

[SarahZ]

Hello @Beaniegirl,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out - it is very courageous and brave of you! Echoing what ecomama said well done for taking the initiative and seeing a counsellor - that's usually one of the hardest steps so great job 🙂

I'm really sorry to hear that you have been struggling coping with your anxiety and how you feel this is impacting your relationship. Over-thinking and trying to control our thoughts is always hard to deal with. It's nice to hear that your boyfriend provides you with reassurance. If it's not too personal to ask, were the types of difficulties you had in your relationship quite intense? or just more typical relationship issues?

I've added some links below that include some strategies which you might find helpful in controlling anxiety.

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/how-to-cope-with-anxiety#quick-coping-methods

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/treatments-for-anxiety/anxiety-management-strategies

Please keep us updated if you feel up to it.

Wishing you all the best and sending you positive thoughts!