Anxiety turning to Anger

[MarkBt]

I suffer from health anxiety and was extremely anxious when all of the COVID-19 cases were occurring in March. Unfortunately, I live in Melbourne and I guess you can see where this is going now.. Like many others, I went into lockdown with a sense of hope that we could beat the virus and the vast majority were on board. When things were looking better my anxiety began to ease and I was functioning kind of normally. Now with the recent jump in cases, the anxiety is back but with a new twist. I am really, really angry and starting to take it out on others. Like many Melbournians I am furious there has been a complete and blatant disregard for others' health by it seems a not insignificant part of the community. I generally avoid conflict which can also be a problem, but lately if I see someone do something stupid I get really angry and actively have a go at them. I know the anger stems from the anxiety and the fact that I want to feel safe again. However, I don't see others are on board and I'm acting out. I'm getting also frustrated at what I see as dithering by the Authorities here. Anyway, enough of the personal view i'm struggling and becoming angry not sure what to do with the anger

[Quercus]

Hello MarkBT,

What a shame to find this important and topical thread of yours days later with no replies yet. It happens sometimes that posts slip through arrgh. Hopefully you feel like returning to talk about this.

Anger is a topic I worry about often. It is an issue I experience whenever my depression or anxiety are not under control. And my goodness it is very distressing at times.

I have to go to work right now (hoorah for early morning shifts 😊) but I'd like to return and talk to you if that's ok.

Hope you are coping today with your health anxiety and anger even slightly better.

❤️ Nat

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Two things stand out in your post that I can relate to from my days prior to eliminating my anxiety- perspective and realism

Back 33 years ago my anxiety reached a peak and many life changing events took place. My therapist recognised a pattern that my mind was going towards “what if’s” and thoughts brought about by fear. He had to reprogram me in a way.

Every time I had an intrusive thought I was to ask myself”is this thought realistic”? Eg will Russia and USA have a nuclear war? “Will my boss knock on my door after our argument “? Etc The process of elimination of intrusive thoughts takes time but it does eventually drift away.

There is a certain amount of your thoughts of the pandemic that is acceptable as being normal. Many people get angry over those that flaunt social distancing and the toilet roll fiasco caused by selfish fools. So proper perspective is required

use search at the top of this page-

anxiety, how I eliminated it

TonyWK

[Lillipilli80]

Hi MarkBT,

It's great that you clearly have the insight to see where the anger is coming from. It's totally understandable to feel frustrated at the current situation and getting angry at seeing others who don't follow the rules, it affects all of us. However it sounds like this anger and then engaging in conflict is new to you and your anxiety.

I can relate to acting out of anger and know that it doesn't leave me feeling better after, rather it sticks with me and I stew over it. Further, I find something said in anger probably isn't be listened to anyway. Have you used any techniques in the past that helped? I know its hard but I find when I get angry I do the old count to 10 before I act.

It would be great to hear back from you to see how things are progressing.

[therising]

Hi MarkBt

I feel for you so much as you face the current challenges society presents.

I'm wondering whether you've spent most of your life tolerating foolishness from others and now such foolishness has become intolerable. You mention you try to avoid conflict but now no longer can. May sound like a strange question, 'Has your intolerance liberated you in a way from avoiding conflict?'

In my opinion, we're facing a time in history where foolishness or thoughtlessness seems to be at an all time high. Yes, it's infuriating! Myself, I face the new challenge of managing my intolerance. Admit, I'm glad in a way that I've become so intolerant, especially in regard to people who don't show me the consideration I feel I deserve. Being brought down, put down and kept down is becoming a thing of the past for me. Getting to know my filter system and what helps me deal with sudden surges of intolerance is kinda new for me. Wonder if you're easily triggered by the following:

• The constant negativity and death toll the media loves to put out there regarding covid19
• The hatred and blatant disregard for common sense being generated by the black lives matter movement
• The serious lack of mental health care focus while the world faces disarray. There's a bit but not enough

I could go on.

Last week, I was walking along a supermarket aisle when a woman decided to stop right in front of me because it was the best place for her to line up in the register cue. This triggered me. I could feel it Mark. I felt the churning in my solar plexus area. My heart started racing. I could even feel the blood pressure slightly change in my own head. I feel triggered just thinking about it. As I said to the friend I was with 'I'm stunned. I'm truly stunned and I believe I will always be stunned in some way, for the rest of my life, in regard to people's sheer lack of consideration. It blows my mind. It wouldn't surprise me to one day find someone in a cue on the floor having a heart attack while the person behind them jumps in front of them to be served'. Okay, enough of my rant 🙂

Some of what my filter system includes:

• Venting calmly and reasonably to the person concerned
• Venting to someone other than the person concerned when I'm too triggered to speak with the person concerned
• Using a number of long slow sighs (aka focusing on the out breath/venting to 'power down')

Part of it becomes about managing the incredible power surge through the body that intolerance can generate. Venting is key.

[MarkBt]

Thanks all for your replies.

To answer one of the questions in the posts, my intolerance has (in a perverse way) overcome the avoidance of conflict. It is something that I knew was possible before and I can use anger as a way of motivating myself to act in my personal life or in-fact intervene in others. It is different this time, the anger is directly driven by the anxiety and while it is common in my experience for anxiety to be driving the anger, it has never been as direct and as clearly linked. For example, I see your behaviour putting my health at risk. I have high anxiety about health and get anxious but it manifests very quickly into anger and I react. While the behaviour (of others) triggers the reaction, the escalation comes when you go into fight/flight mode which is trending toward fight.

Ultimately I know the anxiety is trending out of control, anger is the canary in the coalmine. For some reason, I feel a bit stuck or unable to do the things or seek the help I normally would. Partly the pandemic but partly the cost as I'll need to keep at things for a while to improve. At the moment I have limited my aggression to twitter by putting down anyone that says COVID is the flu. I should really stop social media too.

[Quercus]

Hi Mark,

Your last post was interesting to consider. I'd never really understood how I'd started to tolerate conflict until I read what you wrote about anger being motivation to speak up and even argue.

It makes complete sense to me. I'd avoided conflict until I became unwell and experienced being suicidal. As a parent I don't ever want to feel helpless like that again. If that means conflict then I'll fight for myself.

What do you think about the word helpless? Do you think feeling powerless to make people care about others is part of the issue?

As to medical care I figure when you are ready you'll seek it out. Hopefully soon. When I'm angry at the world it can be hard to trust that anyone really cares. Being defensive and unwilling to let others in makes it tricky for anyone to help me too. But it's important.

I hope you're safe and coping reasonably.

Nat

[therising]

Hi MarkBt

There are definitely triggers that send me straight to anger (extreme intolerance). I try to avoid them. I don't watch or read the news. I have a 'go to' person for that. They filter stuff for me. They know I can't stand stories about children suffering or excessive levels of sufferance for people in general. In certain cases I'll want to hear about those things but only if I can make a positive difference in those areas, otherwise helplessness becomes another trigger for me, to extreme emotion.

Another thing I've come to find intolerable is disrespect towards me. Folk used to have a habit of degrading me in certain cases but these days are different. If you're going to dis me, expect to be shut down straight away. In the case of someone who's usually thoughtful disrespecting me, it's different. I'll be led to wonder why they're behaving so out of character. I'll become thoughtfully active in my wondering, not reactive in the way I behave towards them. I'm still in the process of mastering such self control 🙂

Can't tolerate shopping centres very well. People are generally (not always) incredibly rude, thoughtless and self focused in the way they behave, not giving consideration or respect to others. I can get pretty worked up in shopping centres to tell you the truth, which will always amuse the person I'm with. I admit, I also find it amusing at times how easily I can get worked up. Sometimes I'll find myself saying 'What the heck is wrong with me?' Then, I can't help but wonder. Wonder will inspire me to realise that I'm generally a thoughtful, considerate and respectful person in an environment that does not feed such a nature. I steer clear of crowded places where I can. I guarantee, you'll never see me at The Melbourne Show. Overcrowded events like these are a definitely no go zone for me. I can live without them.

Some folk may say 'So much avoidance in your life!' I've come to realise 'Damn right there is'. I'm learning to avoid things that trigger me to anger and depression. I've experienced depression and I'm not going back there if I can help it. I do help myself, by avoiding what is not always necessary in my life. I manage strategically when I have to face potentially triggering things on occasion. For example, I may limit my time or find a bit of breathing space. Such triggers have become occasional things in my life, not regular things like they used to be.

Managing extreme intolerance is definitely a life changing challenge.

🙂

[MarkBt]

Hi Nat,

I have sought help and the anger is still there, but not as driven by anxiety as before. Now at levels that feel more 'normal', well at least for me anyway. As for the word helpless? I have been where you described a long, long time ago so I know that kind of helpless feeling and i'm not there yet. I definitely feel a lack of control, which of course feeds the anxiety but I do consider myself lucky that I can work from home for the foreseeable future. I do have to say thought that the anger is very deep now, perhaps I'm overreacting and things will change but where i sit here and now I have a real lack of faith in the community. I feel let down and disappointed, questioning whether I want to stay in Victoria long term. Even though I was born here and only ever lived in Sydney for a short period. I haven't said that openly to anyone.

[therising]

Hi MarkBt

Wondering where you'd imagine yourself living. This might give you an idea of your nature. If you picture yourself living in a quiet place, like a little country town, you may naturally be a laid back person who can't tolerate other people's stress and foolishness. If you picture yourself living up in the hills among all those beautiful trees, maybe you're a nature person, who can't tolerate stress and foolishness. We definitely flourish in our most natural environment.

Victoria...hmmm. While things are being managed here, the management strategies are definitely questionable at times and triggering, without a doubt. Good example involved the call to allow visitors back into aged care facilities after the last lock down. I work in aged care and my boss seriously questioned the government's call, deciding not to let every visitor in. It was strictly supervised under limited conditions. It was a good call on his part. it's when things aren't questioned that they can go wrong.

Questioning where you'd like to live after all this covid business sounds like a soulful call that needs answering. Wondering if you did move up to the hills, for example, if this would naturally impact your anger levels. You could imagine being surrounded by a community of people who vibe in a totally different way. Chances are maybe some of them moved there for the same reasons as you. I can see some relationships happening there, perhaps. If you don't mind a relaxing drive, to and from where all the action's happening, this could be for you. Maybe some place in particular overseas is calling you.

Triggering times, these. With stressful news, a lack of exciting things to do (compared to normal) and a lot of opportunities to be in our head more than we naturally should be, the challenge can feel enormous for some. These are definitely times that go against our nature, unless we thrive on stress, a lack of excitement and being in our head way too much.

🙂