Anxiety hitting again

[JacintaMarie]

Hi again, my next thread, I went to sleep but now at 2:44am my anxiety has arrived again, I did something at work wrong and I hate myself for doing the wrong thing, I've lost perspective so I don't know if it's important or will fix itself.

I wish I would stop, I tell my brain to calm down but it doesn't. One of my triggers is making a mistake at work, of stuffing up, of not slowing down.

I am annoyed at myself for doing it and hate that I seem to keep on doing it.

Thank you for letting me get this out,

[Curious77]

Hello jacintamarie,

You must be such a committed, proud and great worker because you care so much about doing the best job you can. Your employer and the people you work with are very lucky to have you with them at work. I'm sure you do a lot of great things every day because of how much you care.

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Curious77

Thanks for answering & being kind, my anxiety doesn't tell me that, it keeps telling me I'm an idiot, I do get good days, than I make a mistake or don't do a procedure correctly and the cycle continues, what a pain I am...

[Curious77]

I'm so sorry to hear that, it must be hard for you being at work and experiencing anxiety and then coming home and not being able to relax because of all these thoughts. It sounds like you have had experiences in the past that have made you very conscious of any mistakes that you make earlier in your life and it makes you very anxious. I am a very anxious person as well so I struggle with sleeping as well and I usually just end up falling asleep by listening to the radio and listening to programs that talk about stuff until it sidetracks my mind enough for me to sleep.

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

Bad thoughts are in my head & trying to get rid of them. Though have started the first of my anxiety pills & a referral to a counselor is in the cards.

Pills won't kick in until 2weeks.

I need to rant & get this out, I'm feeling like an idiot, I don't know anything & am trying to get better educated as I've still got heaps to learn & grow. At work, I always say stupid & always seem to panic even when I try not too.

I've been told to think kindly about myself, but I don't. It's in the back of my head, everyone at work thinks I'm a fool & I'm being self pitying & and I'm sorry! I should be happy, as I've got everything I need. I take things personally.

Am watching happy shows to get me back on track.

At work, I need to go outside for work, I usually check if it's raining & if it's overcast I take a jacket & make sure the books don't get wet, but lately I'm getting myself stressed if they end up saying why are you going outside, as if I'm an idiot or someone who can't tell the difference in the weather & I know it's silly to get stressed over something so small, but I do or I think & say something silly & people have that tone, or this could be in my head. It's hard to tell.

On Friday, I said I found it funny that someone took off their shoes (well what else can you do, be angry) I can't say things & accept what I say, someone may not like it.

Sometimes I need to get so upset & cry to exhaust myself & then the thoughts go, it's one way that works!

Thanks for letting me rant & I just want to be happy, but my cerebellum is not in balance.

Everyone keep going, you'll get there & be better & thanks beyond blue

Thank you. I hope I do get better, just want to be better

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

Today, was a struggle, negetive thoughts were strong today, they seem right and true.

I hate feeling like this, I think I'm a terrible person & feel selfish for thinking about myself when others are much worse than me.

Thank you Beyond Blue,

[Guest9337]

Hi JacintaMarie, I hope I'm welcome in your thread.

What's happening today?

dng

[JacintaMarie]

Hi dng

Your welcome, just my negetive thoughts hitting me. I can't ever tell anyone anything, they either don't believe me & I think I'm lying. Least this is what my brain is telling me.

The thoughts are telling me I'm not a good communicator.

Plus too I'm getting anxious because the people at work are cold at work, & building mangement can't do anything to help, but my work colleagues aren't happy with this & don't say wear a jumper because they don't want to hear that, I've learnt to say norhing because its not worth it. The anxiety of getting yelled at for my opinion is too much. Also too we are grateful to have a job & we're not homeless, the homeless are out in the real cold. The cold that can get you sick. I feel bad that I like winter, when the homeless proberly want it to go, not that its winters fault, winter has to come.

My trigger today was I wasn't clear to the receptionist at the dentist, as she needed to get the dentist to tell me, I've got a soft voice, I am sliwly getting over it.

With work, I've got to put up with it, as someone told me when I (stupidly) thought to tell them, I'm tired of the air conditioner saga & I'm not even affected. Its been 5 years that they've been complaining, I feel bad that I'm not being empathy to them, I need to care more for their pain, not just mine.

Sorry for the long rant!

[Guest9337]

She's right mate, you write well.

5 years of saga over room temperature? crikey sounds rough to me.

[JacintaMarie]

Hi dng

So I am terrible for being tired of it, sorry. I'm a bad person