Anxiety has taken over my life

[MrsEM]

I've been on the forums for a few months now but haven't been brave enough to post until now. This crazy thing called anxiety has taken over my life.

It started off in January when I kept feeling dizzy all the time. The doctor said I had vertigo and sent me on my way. I went back about a month later because I kept having it and headaches almost daily. She sent me for an MRI but it came back fine. A number of months went by but the vertigo seemed to stay around. I started to get really paranoid about it, always worried I might fall over. I stopped exercising, stopped wanting to go out.

My husbands grandmother got very sick and we spent weeks visiting her in hospital. She eventually passed away which was very traumatic for my husband. I started feeling a funny sensation in my chest. A tight feeling. I felt my heart skip a beat. I went to the doctor and she sent me for an ECG, stress test, heart ultrasound and CTCA scan. Everything came back fine. My mum has atrial fibrillation and I convinced myself I had that too. Even though the doctors and the tests proved I'm healthy, I still don't believe it.

We were due to go to Vietnam and Thailand for a holiday and I started freaking out the days before we left. What if something happened to me over there? What if I have to go to hospital in a foreign country? I started over thinking it and not wanting to go. I woke up the morning we were due to leave with chest pain and an upset stomach. I felt sick the whole flight over. The first night I had what I now know was a panic attack.. I woke up with severe chest pain, hyperventilating, a racing heart, shaking. I could not relax for the rest of the holiday. I had chest pain everyday, shaking, crazy thoughts, constant nausea and upset stomach. All I wanted was to go home. I started to Google my symptoms and that's when I came across Anxiety. I couldn't believe it at first but then things began to make sense.

I thought when we got home I would "go back to normal" that didn't happen. To this day, I have chest pain most days, sharp head pains that stop me in my tracks, shaking, poor sleep, overthinking everything and in the last few weeks, problems with my throat. It feels tight, sore, feels like it's closing up. I have been back to the doctor and they tell me it's all anxiety related. I had 4 sessions with a psychologist but it didn't work out. I'm about to try a new psychologist and hoping it gets me back on track to being my old self

[BballJ]

Hi MrsEM,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Wow, I could of sworn I almost read my own story then, almost everything you have experienced is what I have gone through with my anxiety. For years I wondered what was wrong with me, I had the dizziness, the chest pains and upset stomachs and only after years of wondering I actually googled it and found it may also be anxiety. I had the same issue when I went overseas years ago, my biggest fear was being out of home and scared of not being able to get medical help if I ever needed it and was constantly worried and thought every headache was something else, I was almost afraid to go to sleep at night because if I woke up with a headache I would think it was something else, that turned into what I now know as health anxiety. I still recall the nights at the height of my anxiety, having those panic attacks in the middle of the night, the shaking and what not, it is so hard to deal with and I am glad you are getting somewhat on top of it with seeing a psychologist. I wanted to tell you my story so you know you are not alone with these feelings or this battle. I know you said you had 4 sessions but it didn't work out, it is good you are trying another psychologist as well, finding a good one is hard but when you do, you will know because you will just click with them. It really is the best course of action as seeing a psychologist and even being on these forums helped me manage my symptoms way better and knowing I am not alone in this battle is also a good thing.

Please, post back as much as you like, I am always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[MrsEM]

Hello Jay,

Thanks for your reply. I have to admit it is comforting knowing I'm not alone and people have experienced the exact same thing as me. I still have another week to go till I see the new psychologist for the first time.

My biggest problem at the moment is worrying that something is wrong with me all the time. Every little twinge I am sure is some life threatening illness. And what do I do as soon as I feel something? Jump on Google. Then I get told I have a brain tumor, my leg will need to get amputated or I have some rare disease. I know I need to stop doing this. It is such a bad habit. It makes the anxiety 10 times worse.

I seem to be ok when I am with someone or am at work distracted. I have started to notice more and more I get anxiety when I am alone. I know you cant always be with someone.

I also know I need to get back into exercise. I used to love exercise. Now I am scared to exercise. Worried I will faint or have a heart attack or some other ridiculous irrational thought.

Are you still suffering from anxiety or have you managed to control it?

[BballJ]

Hi MrsEM,

I understand everything you are saying and I can relate to it as well, I went through the whole google everything that is wrong with me, I still do it and it isn't good but I am looking more for other people going through it but you just do not want to see something serious which is why they say not to google your symptoms. My anxiety is very similar to yours, when I was at the peak of it, I had to be around people to calm myself down or be at work, when I was alone it was the worst, I always had to be somewhere with people around or else I would have a big panic attack. As time has gone on and I have worked on it which you will be doing with your psych, it does get better and you can get it under control. I am in a lot better space than I was when I first joined these forums regarding my anxiety, the combination of these forums and my psychologist helped me a lot. You can get through this.

My best,

Jay