Dear Amy115~
Welcome here to the forum, a place where you can regard yourself as being with understanding friends.You post is not long at all, and shows how deeply matters are affecting you -nobody would want to keep going on like that
Having has anxiety for four years is a horrible way to live, it influences everything you think , and leaves you expecting or fearful of the worst. This is especially true of things or people that are very important to you. As someone who had a similar problem I know how it feels
I guess there is a good chance your brain is doing the 'what ifs' as you call them, leaving you very vulnerable to any particular subject-on which to worry. Your sexuality has never been in question before, and you implied that before this there had been previous things to latch on to worry about.
May I suggest that you see your doctor in an extended session and explain in detail how you have been feeling for the last few years, not just abut your boyfriend, but all that has made you anxious? If the thought of trying to explain it all face to face seems too hard, then take a couple of days and put it down in point form. I've found this easier at times.
Do you think this is something you could do?
Croix
