Hi I’m milo and I’m new here.
I was diagnosed at age 16 with ‘agitated depression’, I’ve suffered with anxiety and panic attacks since age 12.
I have many ups and down and I always get through them. I’ve seen a theripist on and off for about a year and have managed to work out most of my anxiety and panic comes from the death of my father when I was 8. He passed by heart-attack. We were away enjoying a holiday at the time.
i recently had my 5th child and had a tubal ligation. I know my hormones are all over the place But I have huge anxiety over being sick or ill or something being wrong inside my body that the doctors haven’t picked up. Like what if they clipped something else inside me, what if I have an infection that the doctors haven’t found. I no longer feel the same as I did. I have a huge fear of my heart not coping and that I will have a heart attack and I have a fear of dying, leaving my children. My therapist tells me it’s my inner child who is still grieving from my fathers death, that I fear my children growing up with the pain I did without a parent. That it’s a stress that is ok and normal as a mother, to worry about her children’s furtute.
I guess I’m just curious if I’m the only one fighting anxiety and the consent feeling of having a panic attack everywhere I go. I feel safer at home. And prefer not to go out or go anywhere out side of my comfort zone. I can’t leave my car to far away. I don’t like having to walk to far from it because what if I get sick and need to go home, I’d have to walk back to the car. When I’m shopping I need to always know where exits are, if I go somewhere unfamiliar I need to know the street name and number in case I need an ambo. I consently have a feeling like something will go wrong. My main one is having a heart attack. I get anxiety over the fear of having a panic attack. I hate having panic attacks and have been hospitalised a few times from them.
Even at home if my jaw hurts on the left side, my panic begins. if my left arm gets sore, or my chest feels a bit tight, my mind starts thinking I’m about to have a heart attack and that starts the panic, the anxiety about having a panic attack.
it’s exhausting. I worry about the affect this has on my children too. I get depressed then because I didn’t take the kids to do anything fun in the school holidays. It’s a cycle of self hate.
Would love to connect with others who feel like this, suffer from this mental illness
Thanks for reading.
