Anxiety-fear of sickness/dying-heartattack

[MiloGirl]

Hi I’m milo and I’m new here.

I was diagnosed at age 16 with ‘agitated depression’, I’ve suffered with anxiety and panic attacks since age 12.

I have many ups and down and I always get through them. I’ve seen a theripist on and off for about a year and have managed to work out most of my anxiety and panic comes from the death of my father when I was 8. He passed by heart-attack. We were away enjoying a holiday at the time.

i recently had my 5th child and had a tubal ligation. I know my hormones are all over the place But I have huge anxiety over being sick or ill or something being wrong inside my body that the doctors haven’t picked up. Like what if they clipped something else inside me, what if I have an infection that the doctors haven’t found. I no longer feel the same as I did. I have a huge fear of my heart not coping and that I will have a heart attack and I have a fear of dying, leaving my children. My therapist tells me it’s my inner child who is still grieving from my fathers death, that I fear my children growing up with the pain I did without a parent. That it’s a stress that is ok and normal as a mother, to worry about her children’s furtute.

I guess I’m just curious if I’m the only one fighting anxiety and the consent feeling of having a panic attack everywhere I go. I feel safer at home. And prefer not to go out or go anywhere out side of my comfort zone. I can’t leave my car to far away. I don’t like having to walk to far from it because what if I get sick and need to go home, I’d have to walk back to the car. When I’m shopping I need to always know where exits are, if I go somewhere unfamiliar I need to know the street name and number in case I need an ambo. I consently have a feeling like something will go wrong. My main one is having a heart attack. I get anxiety over the fear of having a panic attack. I hate having panic attacks and have been hospitalised a few times from them.

Even at home if my jaw hurts on the left side, my panic begins. if my left arm gets sore, or my chest feels a bit tight, my mind starts thinking I’m about to have a heart attack and that starts the panic, the anxiety about having a panic attack.

it’s exhausting. I worry about the affect this has on my children too. I get depressed then because I didn’t take the kids to do anything fun in the school holidays. It’s a cycle of self hate.

Would love to connect with others who feel like this, suffer from this mental illness

Thanks for reading.

[PamelaR]

Hello MiloGirl

I see you've already been welcomed on another thread. You are doing it hard - 8 children in your life. That's amazing. I'm in awe. It's good that you are now aware you're not alone and that anxiety can make your life difficult, however, it is manageable and you can move on. You are learning quickly, that's so good.

Those feelings you describe can very well be related to anxiety. I too suffer from anxiety and when I first started remembering my trauma, I did get horrible pains in my arms and elsewhere on my body. It was like my body was back at that time of the trauma. Very frightening it was.

Even now, when I have unresolved issues that arise, the pain in my heart can be excruciating. Then when I release the tension in my body, let the tears flow and the ache in my heart go. Everything settles down - until the next unresolved issue. I find it an ongoing process. Just as I think I'm over it, bang, no, you still have something to look at.

I am hoping for you it is only the death of your father.

There are so many things you can do to help manage your anxiety as it arises -

• slow your breathing (in through your nose for 5 and out through your mouth for 5)
• distraction techniques
• grounding, mindfulness and meditation

You can find some of these under the Staying Well forum or do a search in BB home page.

Hope this helps.

Look forward to seeing more of you.

PamelaR

[Harvey08]

Hi,

Thanks for sharing i can totally relate to how you feel as a few weeks ago i pulled over my car and called 000 thinking i was having a heart attack, turns out i suffered a panic attack and ever since have the thoughts of it coming back are overwhelming a times.

Your not alone in the cycle of it and it really hit home reading your post.

Stay strong Matt

[MiloGirl]

Hi Matt,

I hope things are getting better for you now. It is a horrible thing to feel. And no one ever really understands u till they feel it for them self.

So over the last month I’ve been back to my therapist who pretty much said she can’t help me anymore and that I need to be assessed by another professional. She believes I show signs of bi polar brought on by child birth. I find this interesting and did some research. I believe if I was to have it I would only just be on the border of having it. My anexity though is through the roof.

i literally have one ok day and one crap day, then an ok day again. Today was good until I found a green hard object in my breakfast cereal which reminded me of rat poison. So all morning ( 4 hours now) I have been obsessed over every symptom I’m having as some sort of indicator that I’ve been Posionsed. My husband is home and keeps telling me I’m ok but it doesn’t help. I’ve googled everything and I know that even if it was rat poison I’m unlikely to have consumed enough to do anything. But still I’m sitting here stressing.

Mum so over this life of anexity. I just want to be normal and do normal things and kids my husband goodbye as he leaves for work in the morning.

Yes I am terrified of him going back to work.... I don’t want to be alone with my head. What happens if I have a panic attack at home alone, or what if I die at home and there’s no one here to help me....

my head drives me insaine. All the what if’s all the scenarios that play out in my head. How do I make them stop!

[Gcgirl77]

I know this was posted a couple of years ago but have only found this thread now. I am feeling very much the same and am terrified. I’m a 42 year old single mum of 3 kids aged 15,13 and 9 and am going through so many health problems at the moment. I’ve been crying in my drs office so much lately asking for every test and been admitted to ER so many times in the last couple of weeks with panic attacks because I can’t cope sitting at home knowing I may have something that may cause me to die. I’m currently waiting to have an ultrasound on my leg for pains I’ve told the dr I think is a blood clot and I have bad chest pains at the moment and have started thinking the clot has now reached my lungs and I’m going to die in the next hour. I’m crying and a mess. My dr thinks it’s not a blood clot but I can’t get the thought out of my head that it is and I’m going to die because my chest hurts so bad but I also wonder if it’s anxiety and panic causing my chest to hurt bad. What’s worse is that I have to wait until tomorrow for the results and I can’t cope with that. I’m so terrified. My doctor gave me a box of tissues last week with another health problem he said wasn’t serious and asked me if I’m scared of dying or that I think I’m going to die and it finally hit me that that is what I think is going to happen to me every day with each little pain. I always said I was fine but I now realise I’m not ok and I need help. I’m getting a mental health care plan to finally talk to a psychiatrist but being bulk billed I can’t get an appointment until the end of March. But I’m now realising I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. So Milogirl if you are still on here and read this, please I hope you’re ok. My 3 kids have no one else if I die and that’s what my anxiety also goes towards as I have a young son with Aspergers. Im crying and I just want to be ok and happy and healthy for myself and my kids. I am now realising I’m not ok and can’t cope. I’m scared this anxiety is also going to give me a heart attack.

[sometimesanxious]

Gcgirl77’s I was in exactly the same place as you a few years ago.

I started experiencing health anxiety after the birth of my daughter by csection 10 years ago. Of course having a csection carried the risk of blood clots...

3 days after the birth I started experiencing pains in my legs and thought it was a clit then had pains in my chest and couldn’t breathe properly so talked myself into thinking I had a clot in my lungs. I ended up in A & E and had tests to check if I did in fact have a blood clot and all results came back that I was fine.

In the last few years I have talked myself into a lot of another medical conditions and have also been fine.

i am currently going through another episode and like you have been suffering with panic attacks and have been so fearful.

Try and remember that they are just thoughts and you don’t have to listen to them. Our mind loves to play tricks on us. Your emotional distress is causing you to have physical symptoms.

i highly recommend googling a little piece of mind by Nicola Bird. It has been an eye opener for me.

Also realising that sometimes we get a little bit addicted to the the thoughts in our mind.

[Number 86]

Hi MiloGirl's,

you have come to the right place, manny of us suffer the same fears.

I have only been on here for a few days and realised I am not alone.

I have all sorts of pains, shortness of breath, choking, reflux, bloating, stool changes and the scariest one for me is feeling like my hearts going to jump out of my chest.

I have completed a million test with doctors and emergency departments and have been perfectly fine. Always comes back as anxiety.

i understand how you feel about waiting for results. That sets me off the rails I convince myself every time I have moments to live and it’s always nothing.

I am working on avoiding checking my vitals and staying away from google but it’s difficult as I have just started trying to get back in shape to help with anxiety and doing weighted squats got me worried I was going to have a heart attack as I could feel my hear beating so fast and hard I hear hear it.

It’s going to take awhile to re program our thinking as this fear we have learned from somewhere but I am feeling confident that we all will prevail.

I too will be seeing a psychologist and will share anything that helps with the team : )

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Gcgirl77,

Welcome to the forum. I just had a read of your post and its sounds like you are going though a really tough time at the moment. I am sorry has been such a stressful time for you. That fact that you are learning to understand your body and your symptoms is a really good start even if it is through many trips to the Doctor and ED. Like anything new, it can be terrifying and sometimes even painful (remember back to when you learned to ride a bike or watching your kids learn to walk or climb) ....but you are indeed learning with every step. You have some much hope to become the best you can be for your kids. Hope is such a strong emotion and be one of the most important things when you are working on becoming your best self.

The forum is a great place to start your healing journey with so many others also finding their feet through either anxiety or low mood or other stresses. Hearing about other peoples stories or even asking questions can make you feel less stressed knowing that you are not alone in some of your experiences. There are so many places to look on the forum. One of the most common threads I respond to is about health anxiety. If you search 'health anxiety' in the search bar above, you will find many topics that may interest you.

The forum is a safe place where you can find support prior to you Psychiatry appointment at the end of March. Another program that you might find helpful is a starting one fo the courses at Mindspot. It is also free and can be done online or a mix of online and over the phone. You can read about it here www.mindspot.org.au It might be another way of getting some help between now and when your Psychiatrist appointment is later next month.

I also just wanted to let you know that the Beyond Blue support number is available to you 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. You can talk to a person on the end of the phone and sometimes, this can really help in a difficult moment.

I hope that you find some comfort here. You are not alone. We are listening.

Wishing you best,

Nurse Jenn

[blondguy]

Hi Gcgirl77

You have made a serious step towards recovery by posting what you have...That does take a huge amount of strength to do...I understand the gravity of your situation as I used to have chronic panic attacks for a long time and yes they are a bad set of symptoms to have

You are not alone with the way you feel...I hope the thread topic below provides you with some peace

www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/what-physical-feelings-of-anxiety-do-you-get

we are here...and listening

my kind thoughts

Paul

[jorgiaw]

hi milogirl.

thank you so much for post, in a sense it makes me feel better about what i'm going through, as it is very similar. for as long as i can remember i have dealt with healthy anxiety, or hypochondria. it is something that has escalated the last couple of weeks, with it being a mission to leave the house. i am petrified i am constantly dieing. it is an absolute struggle for me to fall asleep at night as i fear i wont wake up in the morning. at work i go dizzy and lightheaded and i am constantly overwhelmed, and seek comfort at home only. i feel trapped in any place other than home, and i break out into a panic attack. i am constantly at the doctors thinking i have a silent disease they are not aware of. my psychologist believes i have severe anxiety and OCD.